After Purgatory
by Dirreth
Summary: After a dangerous but successful mission your friends are missing - they are all gone and you can't find them. What would you do? Braeden for sure can't put up with this situation and is ready on everything to find those she cares about. Even willingly going to Purgatory in order to save them. But she's not ready for all the consequences of her choices or the call of her heart…
1. Chapter 1

_I had the first chapter of this story posted for ages but never got to continue writing the next part of it. Until now. There was a bit of a hiccup, only because when it comes to technologies sometimes I'm like a monkey… So I was on my phone not long ago and I don't know exactly what I did or how I did it but somehow I managed to delete the first chapter... So, here we go, I post it again, but this time for sure there's going to be a second one and so on :D Hopefully, next time I'll be more careful when I'm on my phone :D Or even better, I won't access FanFiction through my phone ever again… :D_

 _However, the idea for this story hit me after re-watching some episodes of season 8 and it starts, more or less, in the middle of episode 7, "A Little Slice of Kevin". The first couple of chapters will follow the show but then I'll take it off into another direction, so bear with me, please :)_

 **Warning:** violence and torture

 _Anyways, I hope you'll like it :) Oh, and I'll update once a week. Enjoy :)_

* * *

A shriek full of pain echoes through the empty abandoned factory. It is deafening and can send a cold shiver down one's spine. If that particular person is normal and knows what is best for him. But I am not that type of person. I look down at the chained man and I ruthlessly dig the knife into his chest. The laughter that follows only makes me more irritable, I check the devil trap to make sure it's intact. I take a step back and take the holy water to wash the iron blade in it. The demon's eyes widen and a cruel smile stretches my lips. Oh, I'm just so creative with the knife… especially when I'm properly stimulated. And finding Dean and Cas is hell of a stimulation.

"You wanna find your friends, huh?" the demon coughs blood but smiles viciously at me "I won't tell you a shit"

I arch my brows. He's too smug for his own good. I toss the knife in the air and catch it.

"Oh, you will" now is my turn to smile; I dug into his flesh with the knife, horrific sound escaping his mouth

It's been two months since Dean and Cas disappeared. Two months since Dick Roman died. Two months of living hell for me… I couldn't find Sam, Dean, Cas or Kevin. Meg was gone, too. I was left all alone. Sam wasn't answering his phones and I had nothing to track down Kevin or Meg. Not that I wanted to help the demon, if she was in trouble but she proved herself useful in the past. Dean and Cas were the ones who, according to plan had to kill Dick, so I assumed not everything went as we thought. I started asking here and there. There are demons who know things and with a bit of luck I managed to get the necessary information – Dean and Cas are in Purgatory – that's what happens, If you're too close to Dick when killing him. Now I need to know how to get them out of there and the demon in front of me refuses to co-operate. But I know I'll get what I need from him. I always do. If I have to I'm going to carve it out of him. I look down at my bloody hands remembering exactly how many demons I had to cut slice open to get what I want. The demon's meatsuit I'm torturing is beyond saving – deep cuts and terrible wounds covering all of his body. It's all my doing and I know that the poor possessed bastard won't survive this. But I'm too desperate to afford the luxury of thinking about that. I take a deep breath and start carving the demon again. Inhuman cry of suffering fills the room.

* * *

 _About an year later_

I wake up screaming, memories of Purgatory still rushing through my mind. I take a deep breath and try to calm down but my heart is still bumping nervously in my chest. I turn the lamp on; I need the light so I can get together faster. I inhale deeply trying to slow my heart down. I rub my face; I'm so tired and fed up of not getting enough sleep. Nightmares hunt my dreams since the very moment we made it back from Purgatory. I remember how scared and surprised Dean was when I found him there, with Benny and Cas. I managed to find a way to and out of Purgatory – I had to thank all the demons I tortured for that - and I was determined to get Dean and Cas out of there. Benny was unpredicted complication but as the time passed by I actually started to like the leech. Purgatory was bloody, messy and monstrous… and still it felt pure. It is hard to explain but being there makes you believe you can redeem yourself for all of your sins. Memories flash trough my mind. I remember how hard it was to find Dean, how I left a bloody trail behind me to get to him, how we fought our way to the portal… and then the leviathans attacked us and I got knocked down. And after that we were in Mein, into the wild… and Cas was not with us. I know how hard for Dean this is, I know he blames himself for not being able to get Cas out of there. He refuses to talk about it and I don't push him to do so. But I know that he made everything he could to save our friend and I don't believe it's his fault. I just can't make him see it. Not yet.

I get out of bed and splash my face with cold water. I know there is no chance to go back to sleep. Not with these nightmares chasing me. I need fresh air so I open the motel door and stay on the threshold for a while. Then I see that the boys are awake too – the lights in their room are on and flashing through the window. I close the door of my room behind me and head to theirs. I hesitantly knock and after a second Sam opens the door.

"Braeden?" he looks a bit surprised "Is everything ok?"

"What?" I blink a bit confused, then realize how I look – only oversize Led Zeppelin T-shirt up to my knees and a messy bun that my hair is "Yeah… It's fine… I just saw you two were up and…" I shrug, I don't know how to admit I'm scared of falling asleep again and that I need their company

"Come on in" Sam lets me in and closes the door behind me

"What's wrong?" Dean asks, he knows me too well

"I just can't sleep" I shrug "And I see I'm not the only one" I gesture to him and Sam

Sam looks sleepy and just got out of bed but Dean is still with his clothes on. I sense something is wrong.

"What's going on?" I narrow my eyes at them and cross my hands over my chest

"I saw Cas" Dean says

"What?!" I ask in disbelieve

"I saw Cas" he repeats "Over the window minutes ago and back on the road today"

I look at Sam, but he is as confused as I am. Sam mouths silently "Survivor's guilt"

"Dean…" I hesitantly approach him "Cas didn't make it out…"

I see the pain in his eyes, the hurt all over his face and I know I have to do something. I gently approach him and hug him. He wraps his hands around me. It is so nice to feel safe in his arms and to know that this brings him some comfort.

"It is not your fault" I quietly whisper in his ear "You did everything you could"

I hear Sam goes to the bathroom, leaving me and Dean alone. He knows that his brother and I got really close after Purgatory. When I learned what Sam had been doing while I was searching for his brother… I was so pissed and disappointed… And when I saw the pain and remorse in Sam's eyes when he found out what I did for his brother and how guilty he felt he wasn't the one to do so… well, at least I stopped being angry with him. But being in Purgatory… it made me edgy and really jumpy. Dean is the only one I let to touch me – he and Benny are the only people I trust that much. I owe them that after constantly saving each other's asses back in monsterland. Sam somehow understands that and even though once he was my best friend and now we are trying to get back to this kind of relationship, he's not angry with me; he understands. Purgatory traumatized me… and I know I'm not the only one with that kind of issues. I often see how Dean's mind drifts off and I know pretty well what he's thinking about in those moments. I can see it in his sad green eyes and his stern face. Somehow he manages to deal with it, not completely but at least he doesn't have nightmares…

"I should go…" I quietly say and step back towards the door

"When was the last time you slept?" he surprises me by asking

I think I hide myself well, but apparently not well enough. I feel exhausted and I haven't slept for days. I have circles around my eyes that I try to conceal and my skin is too pale. I know that but until now I thought the boys didn't notice.

"For a while…" I mutter

"You've got nightmares, don't you?" Dean asks, concern in his voice

I bit my lower lip trying to control myself and not burst into tears. How comes that a hunter who have faced a lot worse than just some monsters is afraid of falling asleep? Finally, I nod to his question.

"How bad is it?" he quietly asks, his hand gently making me face him

"Bad enough" I admit

I don't expect it but he pulls me for a hug and guides me to his bed. Silently, I obey him and within seconds we are both under the sheets, cuddled next to each other, his hands wrapped around my waist. I feel safe and for first time since we're back – relaxed. I can always trust Dean. I hug him back and mutter "Thank you" just before I drift off.

* * *

 _So what do you think about the first chapter? Drop me a review and tell me :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_So, this is the second chapter. The story develops a bit slowly, or at least I believe so, because it follows the episodes as they are but soon it'll pick up pace, I promise. Hope you'll like the new chapter :)_

* * *

I wake up and stretch. I feel really rested. For the first time in a very long time I've slept with no nightmares hunting my dreams. It is nice. It takes me a couple of seconds to realize I'm in Dean's bed and to register the quiet voices around me. I rise on my elbow and sleepily look around.

"Unbelievable, man." I hear Sam says "I… I cannot believe it. You're actually here."

"Yeah, I've been trying to reach out," this gruff voice is painfully familiar and I blink a couple of times to make sure I'm right "but for whatever reason, I wasn't at full power. So I couldn't connect with you"

It really is him. I sit in the bed and just stare at him in disbelief. I still can't process the fact Cas is here, he's really dirty and has beard, but he's here. Dean looks just as astonished and amazed as I feel. None of them notice me.

"That must have been why you kept seeing him. I mean, you think?" Sam turns to his brother and I find logic to his words

"Yeah. Yeah… uh, I got to be honest." Dean sounds completely confused and hesitant "I… I'm thinking, how the hell did you make it out? I mean, I… I was there. I… I… I know that place. I know how we had to scratch and claw and kill and bleed to find that portal and make it through it, and it almost finished me. So, uh... so how exactly are you sitting here with us right now?"

I listen carefully, not daring to move. Happiness is bubbling inside me but I fear that if I move, I'll break its spell. It's so nice to have Cas back.

"Dean, everything you just said is completely true." the angel admits "And that's the strange part. I... have no idea. I remember endlessly running and hiding from Leviathan, and then I was on the side of the road in Illinois. And... that was it."

„And that" Dean seems really confused "that was it?"

"Yes" Cas answers and then looks to his filthy clothes "Oh. I'm dirty"

"Yeah, well" Dean shrugs "Purgatory will do that to you."

I tremble. There's so much truth in his words, and hidden pain, too. Cas heads to the bathroom but stops, seeing me awake. I can't take it anymore and jump out of the bed, throwing myself on his neck. I don't care he's dirty. He's here, he's back. And that's the most important.

"God" I mumble "It's so nice to have you back"

Cas awkwardly wraps his hands around me and returns the hug. Then he enters the bathroom. Sam is staring at me.

"What?" I ask

"Nothing" he says but I know something's bothering him.

Then I realize what it is. After Purgatory I don't let anyone touch me. Only Dean, Benny and Cas have that privilege but only because I trust them with my life. I trust Sam, too. But I always tremble when he tries to touch me, hug me or hands me something and our fingers touch. But now he saw how without any hesitation I hugged Cas and I was happy about it. And I hugged his brother just couple of hours ago. It hurts Sam I don't trust him that much and I feel guilt raising its head in my chest. Sam was my best friend… The past year should not change that. I have to find a way to bring our relationship to the one it once was.

Then I see Dean's face. The stern stoic mask, the glassy eyes… I know exactly what he's thinking about – Purgatory. I sigh. He might not have nightmares like I do but he's just as traumatized as I am, even though he does his best to hide it from me and Sam. I wish there's something I could do for him but I'm not sure there's such thing.

With a deep breath I walk past him and gently brush his hand. His eyes dart to me and my fingers squeeze him reassuring. Just a simple gesture to tell him I'm there for him. I know he understands what I mean because he slightly nods at me. Then I head to my room to put some decent clothes on. A woman sees me leaving the boys' room only with the oversized Led Zeppelin t-shirt on me and she shakes her head in disapproval. I don't care, I enter my room and take a long hot shower that makes me feel much better and really refreshed. I put some clothes on and head back to the boys to ask if they want some breakfast so I could go and buy it.

* * *

Later the same day I'm with Sam and Cas. Dean's out, Sam's doing another research for the current case – missing people that have nothing in common but weird things happened when they vanished - and Cas is watching TV. He seems like he's really enjoying it. Now he's all cleaned with his trench coat and suit and tie underneath it, freshly shaved. But something worries me. It was hard enough to get to Purgatory and find out a way out of it and escaping. I didn't remember much because I got knocked out but Cas… how can he not remember how he got out of there? But it's impossible he got out on his own so the big question is who or what helped him and why. I shake my head and push these thoughts aside.

Dean enters the room, carrying a six-pack but I don't pay him much of attention, too consumed of the book I'm reading. The boys talk about something but it all is a background noise for me while I'm eager to find out if Rose Hathaway will finally tell her best friend about the crush she's having on her mentor. But then something in the conversation the boys are having makes me start listening carefully so I put the book aside.

"Yes, until the next generation is born." Cas says "Plus Kevin Tran, of course. The other seven are future prophets, since, uh, only one can exist at a time."

"How is Kevin a prophet if Chuck is a prophet?" Sam asks the logical question

"I'm not sure what happened to Chuck, but, um... he must be dead."

"So, the next one comes off the bench if Kevin goes down?" Dean asks

"Exactly. And they have no idea who they are, of course."

"Crowley." Sam says and everything starts to make sense – the missing people who Cas says are future prophets and all the strange phenomena around their disappearances.

"Insurance." Dean nods "Boy, he's getting desperate."

"Explains all the weird phenomena." I say and Sam nods in agreement

"Lower-level demons nabbing heavy-duty cargo. The vessels of God's Word – boom."

"I get the feeling something's going on." Cas says the very same moment Sam's phone rings.

"Hello. Mrs. Tran?" Sam's voice raises "Well, where the hell have you... What?" he stands up and takes the phone away from his ear, looking at us with worry "Crowley's got Kevin."

We all share a concerned look and I curse, expressing what everyone think

"Damn it!"

* * *

I am really impressed by Mrs Tran – she managed to capture and restrain a demon all by herself. She's amazing, strong kick-ass woman and I really admire her. Still, I think it was really stupid of her and Kevin to run away. But if Dean and I didn't try to kill Mrs. Tran, as Sam keeps reminding me, they were probably not going to take off. But Crowley was possessing her and he was weak – it was the best shot we had. I didn't want to kill Mrs. Tran, only Crowley. Plus, I was hoping that stabbing her would kill Crowley and that angel, Alfie, Samandriel or whatever his name was, was going to patch her up and save her. It is a fact that if they hadn't run away, Kevin was not going to be in such trouble – he was going to be safe and away from Crowley's hands.

Saving Kevin was going to be much harder without Cas. I'm really glad he was with us, even though his mojo was not on full power, none of us got injured during this process. Cas managed to patch Kevin up and now we have a prophet and half a tablet. The boys considered sending Kevin to Garth and I believed it's a good idea. The kid and Mrs. Tran have to be looked after and Garth is a good choice. Not that we had many other options.

Dean and Cas had a conversation. I hope it helped Dean with his guilt. I didn't interfere, no matter how much I wanted to go there and reassure Dean it wasn't his fault Cas didn't make it. It seems it helped him, he looks a bit relaxed now and the darkness, the hurt and despair in his beautiful green eyes seem to be less. I'm glad.

I look over to Sam. It's time to fix that, too. And this is all up to me. We are at a gas station waiting for Dean. Cas is patiently waiting in the car, staring at the blank space. Sam and I are leaned on the hood of the Impala. I tie my hair on a pony tail and look at the taller Winchester.

"Sam?" I start hesitantly

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind to…" I bite my lip but I know I have to do this, not only for him but for me, too "Would you mind to rub my shoulders? I've got back sores since the last hunt…"

Sam looks genuinely surprised by my request but agrees. We both know I'm lying but he wants to see where this is going. I turn my back on him and tense waiting for his hands to grab my shoulders.

"Are you sure?" he asks unsure

"Yeah" I look at him over my shoulder and see his hesitant face "C'mon, Sam! I can't jump every time someone touches me by accident or brushes my arm in the crowd. It's not normal. I have to get over this."

Sam nods and gently puts his palms on my shoulders. Instinctively I tense, panic bumping adrenalin in my veins. I take a deep breath trying to relax. I don't close my eyes because if I do, it'll get worse. Sam is careful, keeping his hands only on my shoulders, gently rubbing my muscles. I forced myself not to move, not to tremble…

"So what's she like?" I ask to distract myself "This girl who got you head over heels for her? Amelia?" I feel how my shoulders gradually relax under his touch

"Uh…" Sam's hands freeze for a second on my shoulders "She… she's amazing and…"

"Does she make you happy?" I ask "Are you in piece when you're with her?" I turn to face him

"Yes" Sam quietly admits

"Good" I nod "Then you should go for it"

"What?" he blinks in confusion

"It's your chance of getting out" I say and I mean it "To get out of this life, of this job…" I shrug "You deserve to be happy, Sam. And no one and nothing should take that away from you. Not me, nor Dean or the job"

Sam's eyes dart to his brother who's still inside. It must be really though for him. Dean is constantly pushing him into hunting, I was ignoring him lately, the woman he cares about is far away from him… Having a life without hunting is something I can't imagine, but for Sam it's a different story. And now after having a peaceful life without blood and violence for over an year… It's not easy to give up on something like that. Especially when it makes you happy. It's a hard choice to make and I understand that. But I know he has to make it for himself.

"If you wanna be back" I say drawing his attention back to me "fine. I'd lie, if I say I don't want you here. But it has to be your choice. And you should make it not of guilt but because your heart tells you so." I shrug "Don't think about Dean, Cas or me… Decide what you want for yourself and go for it" I offer him reassuring smile but he looks shocked by my words and then surprising even myself I hug him

It's a friendly warm hug of comfort and support. Sam wraps his hands around me and I get lost in his embrace. And I'm not terrified or panicked. It's nice to feel that good.

"Thanks" I hear him say

I pull back and grin at him

"Any time, Winchester. After all, what are friends for" and I get in the car.

I know Sam's got a though decision to make. I gave him my advice. Everything's up to him now.

* * *

 _What do you think about the new chapter and the little talk between Braeden and Sam and her advise for him? Leave me a review and tell me :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_I split the storyline of "Citizen Fang" in couple of chapters because I wanted to explore Braeden's relationship with Benny, even though there's going to be plenty of that in the future. Plus, I always thought Benny deserves more credit than he was given. Hope you'll like this chapter :)_

* * *

I have to admit the last one was a strange case, even for us. The cartoonish effects were really… I don't think I have words to describe it. Cas decided to stay back with Fred Jones. I think this is for good. The angel is just not born to be a hunter, no matter how hard he tried on this case it was just not working out – not with his typical angel awkward behavior. I smile at the memory of him interrogating the cat at the assisted care facility…

Now we are traveling to Carencro, Louisiana in a grumpy sullen silence. I'm so mad I'm capable of strangling Sam with my bare hands. Instead I stare out of the window trying to ignore the wrath roaring inside my chest. We just got to our old relationship, we just started being friends again and he did this! I couldn't believe he put Crazy Martin on Benny. I need to hit something. Hard and ruthlessly. Or shoot something – countless amounts of times. With a huff I take my book and try to read but the fact "Vampire Academy" is story about vampires, shocker, doesn't help me distract myself from my violent thoughts. I know Sam was not really fascinated to learn about Benny and his relationship with me and Dean but I never thought even for a second our judgment won't be enough for him to let Benny be.

I clearly remember the night Sam and Benny met. It was right after Dean disappeared with some crappy excuse. I was mad at him for not telling me it was Benny and that they didn't take me with them. So when Sam finally got in touch with Dean and his brother asked for help, he and I got to the Eagle Harbor where Sam met Benny for the first time. Dean never had mentioned Benny to Sam before and the little Winchester had no idea Benny even existed, much less he was a vampire. I had followed Dean's lead about Sam's lack of knowledge to this matter, thinking Dean knew what he was doing. I was wrong. When Sam saw Benny and realized what he was, he reached for his weapon. Only Dean's instincts saved Benny. Sam was in shock. He was even more stunned when he realized I knew the vamp and I hugged him, greeting him as an old friend.

"Hey, leech" I smiled widely using the nickname I had given him when I first met him "Nice to see you're still in one piece."

Then I took his hand and he leaded me to his car, leaving Sam and Dean to talk in private.

"So…" I started as we walked "You're avoiding me"

"I'm not" Benny answered too quickly and I smiled

We were now next to his camper and I leaned on it.

"You are" I said and nudged him "Otherwise you were going to call me too, not only Dean. You know, I could've help"

"I didn't want you involved in this…" he sounded sad, his wonderful blue eyes full of pain

"But you called Dean" I arched my brows "C'mon, Benny, I can take care of myself. After all, I'm hunter…"

"And you hunt monsters like me" he interrupted me

"No!" I exclaimed and gently cupped his stubbly cheek "You're not a monster!"

"I'm a vampire, Braeden. How can you..."

"Because I know you Benny Lafitte" I looked him straight to his eyes "I believe in you"

He leaned in my hand, closing his eyes. He looked so desperate and tired, I wished there was something I could do for him. He gently took my hand and planted a kiss on my knuckles, a smile playing on his lips. I grinned at him, and rising on my toes kissed his cheek. All of a sudden Benny wrapped his arms around me and his strong embrace enveloped me.

There always was sexual tension between me and Benny, mostly because of me flirting shamelessly with him. I'm not sure why but he's acting like a true gentlemen, every time gently but firmly declining my innuendos. But that night it was different. He needed comfort and piece, he needed a friend and I didn't even try to flirt with him. I was just there for him, listening to him telling me his story, why he needed Dean's help and what happened with his Maker and the woman he loved. Benny was just sad because of the turn of the events and I understood that. Living for too long is making one to accept the cruelties in the world, the unjust and in the end of the day this brings only sadness and despair. But I knew Benny was strong and I believed he'd be fine.

Later Sam and Dean argued about Benny and Sam asked what we would do if he was the one to ice Benny because the vampire had to be put down for some reason. Dean answered that he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. But I believed we'd never come to this. Never.

I shake off of my memories as Dean pulls the Impala in front of a building offering rooms for rent. I look at Sam. How wrong I was to think we'd never come to this - Sam going after Benny. Unbelievable. I shake my head and follow the boys out of the car.

We get in and find Martin's room but the door opens before Sam has the chance to knock on it.

"You said look for an eruption. How's Mount Vesuvius?" Martin asks

We enter the room and the hunter closes the door behind us.

"I got into town about a week ago. Up until last night, nothing. He's been clean" Martin explains

"Doing what?" Dean asks

"Just minding his own business. Working at the gumbo shack."

"Benny's working at the gumbo shack?" Dean is surprised, just like me

I keep it quiet for now, listening carefully but not interfering. My arms are crossed in front of my chest and I stare at the three men in front of me, too angry to be part of the conversation.

"Yeah. Slinging hash, pouring coffee – the whole bit. And he may be Benny to you. Folks around here call him Roy."

"So? He changed his name. Big deal" I say in irritation

"Martin, you sure you're running on a full charge?" Dean asks in concern

I roll my eyes and huff. What a nice way to ask him if he's still crazy. Sam eyes me with unreadable expression and I know he doesn't approve my behavior but I don't give a rat's ass about his opinion.

"Y… yeah. L… l… little sh… shock therapy in the morning, and I… I'm" Martin snaps his fingers "good to go."

But I don't think Martin's fine. He looks on the edge, too nervous and jumpy for my taste. I think he's unpredictable and unreliable. Dean's expression tells me that he might be thinking the same.

"Tell us what happened last night" Sam asks Martin

"So, I followed him home, just like every night. He turned up a path. I hear a scream. I catch up. Then, boom – there he is. The old coot that Roy was eyeballing at the joint – vamped."

"Wait" Dean says "did you actually see Benny kill the guy or not?"

"I saw enough."

"Oh, he saw enough" I say in mocking tone in the same time as Dean asks "Well, then, how can you be sure it was Benny if you didn't actually see him do it?"

"B-b-because I saw Benny turn up the path, and then two seconds later, I trip over a body with its throat ripped. Look, man, you – you ever hear of Occam's Razor? "Keep it simple, stupid"? It's not that complicated."

"He didn't do it" I firmly state provoking Sam or Martin to object

"There's a lot of holes, Martin." Dean says instead

"Holes?" Martin exclaims "The only holes we should be looking at are in the vic's neck."

I have to admit he's right about the holes but I also know Benny didn't do it.

"This sound like the Benny you know?" Dean turns to Sam

"I don't know Benny" Sam retorts

"But I do!" I snap sharply

"You know him?" Martin asks in disbelieve "Say again? Why am I getting the distinct impression that you two are vouching for a vampire?"

"Because we are!" I rage at him "Because we know him and we know Benny would never do something like that."

"We got history with the guy, okay?" Dean tries to reason Martin "I'm not signing up for a witch hunt." he turns to Sam "I owe him more than that."

"We. We owe him." I correct him and Dean nods in agreement

"What in God's great creation could you two possibly owe a vampire? Am I hearing this right?" Martin exclaims in disbelieve

"You are hearing it right" I hiss at him "Benny is a friend, I care about him and I won't see him get killed because of hollow accusations!"

"You care about him?" Martin repeats after me "You're defending him with such fierceness one might think there's more to it." And he pushes further "That you might be in love with that monster"

"And what if I am?" I bark back "What if I'm in love with Benny?"

Dean's expression is unreadable, even for me; Sam is staring at me in complete shock. They should know I'm saying it just to play on Martin's nerves. Yes, I like Benny – he's gentle, kind and caring - and I really care about him but being in love with him… it requires much more than what we have. Maybe one day, but definitely not now. Martin looks at me, accusation and pity heavy in his eyes.

"What would your father say, Braeden, if he…"

"Don't you dare!" I growl in anger and raise my fist but Dean knows me too well and grabs my hand before I have the chance to hit Martin "Don't you dare speak of my father!" I warn the hunter, treat dripping from my voice as Dean pulls me back

I yank my hand from Dean and walk to the window, staring down at the street. My father is… Let's just say the topic is a sore spot for me. Really sore spot. Whirlpool of emotions is raging inside me. Dad raised me in the life of a hunter. After Mom's death he became a hunter. He and Rufus taught me everything I know about hunting. Sam and Dean were frequent visitors and growing up with two boys taught me to never back down and always stand my ground no matter what. It wasn't a perfect life but I loved my father and I was content with the life I had. And then Dad died. And I wasn't there for him because we had an argument. My last words to him were cruel and angry. I was mad at him because he didn't let me go on a solo hunt after a wendigo. I was so angry with him I stormed out of the house and didn't come back home for weeks… Only if I wasn't so stubborn and didn't let my pride guide me… I shake my head. Bobby would never approve the friendship Dean and I have with Benny. I knew him well enough to know for him the world was black and white. But the current situation is deep in the shades of grey. This is giving me a headache. I lean my forehead to the cold glass hoping to get some relief.

"How much time do you need?" I hear Sam asks and I force myself to pay attention to the present situation

"You're not actually considering this?" Martin exclaims

"Couple hours, tops." Dean tells his brother

"And what if it turns out to be Benny?" Sam asks and I suck a breath in irritation; why everybody is ready to point fingers when nothing's certain?

"It's not him" I say

"Then it's Benny" Dean gives me a sharp warning look so I shut up and stare at him grumpily "and we'll deal with it!"

"Couple hours, Dean." Sam agrees "No more."

"We'll be in touch" I say and storm out of the room, Dean following me closely behind

* * *

 _How do you like the chapter? Drop me a review and tell me :) Wishing you all a happy weekend :) Till next week_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi, guys! :) Time for a new chapter. I really hope you'll like it :) Irishlass07, thank you for the review :)_

* * *

I'm waiting Dean in the car. We have only couple of hours to prove Benny's innocent and I hope this is enough. Dean went to check the café Benny's working at. Five minutes later I see him coming back.

"We're going to Mill Creek" he says as he slides in and starts the car

I don't bother to answer him but after a while I look at him. Dean looks concerned and I sigh in realization how immature I behaved with Martin. But I won't apologize for believing in my friend.

"Do you believe he did it?" I ask

"I hope he didn't. For his own good"

"You hope…" I repeat

Benny's our friend. We should believe in him but his very nature makes Dean question him, no matter how much we owe him. I understand this, but deep down in my heart I refuse to believe Benny's capable of something like this. I sigh and stare out of the window as the car rumbles up the road.

"Did you mean it?" Dean asks in a while, his face blank and his eyes focused on the road "Are you in love with him?"

If I didn't know him, I'd think he's jealous. But that's Dean Winchester we're talking about – a womanizer who doesn't want any attachments involved. So I think over his question carefully.

"I like Benny." I slowly say "I like him a lot. And I care about him…"

"But?" Dean hesitantly asks

"But… c'mon!" I chuckle, a memory crossing my mind "Bobby always said I'm incapable of having such profound feelings as love"

"That's because you've never had a serious relationship"

"Look who says that" I look at him in amusement and see a small smile is playing on his lips "What?" I ask but he shakes his head "What? Dean, what?"

"I just realized Sam is right" he says with a smile

"About what?" I furrow my brows

"That we are much alike" he casts me a glance and sees my raised brows "We're not the relationship sort of people. Still, we're hitting on whatever moves" he chuckles

"Yeah, well… I can't resist when there's a handsome guy around me" I shrug and we both laugh

But my happy face soon falls. I look at Dean but he's too concentrated on the road to notice. To say he's handsome is an understatement. There is so much more to his good looks and I admire that. The thought of never flirting with him makes me wonder why we never came to hook up. We're both on hit and run basis and being who we are gives the assumption that sooner or later we'd hook up. But that has never happened and now I wonder why. The answer comes too quickly. Because he's my friend and I have never seen him in that kind of way. He's good and kind, and caring, and overprotective, and selfless, always ready to help and sacrifice himself for others, and there is a heart of gold deep down under this rough outlook. He's always been like that and I look up to this. I smile, glad to find the answer for myself. The rest of the trip we spend in silence.

* * *

Dean takes two machetes from the trunk and hands me one of them but I shake my head refusing to take it.

"You sure?"

"I trust him, Dean"

He nods but takes the machete with him. I sigh and follow him. I know that deep down Dean wants to believe it isn't Benny who killed that man but he's so used to be let down by the people he cares about that he can't risk the possibility Benny's responsible for that kill.

We find the vampire near a fresh grave. My heart sinks and I bite nervously my lips hoping this is not what it looks like. We're behind Benny but I know he's aware of our presence.

"Do I need to tell you what this looks like?" Dean asks holding the machete behind his back

"Well" I tilt my head eyeing Benny's ass "It looks like a nice behind"

Dean ignores my attempt for a joke and I roll my eyes. Benny turns to face us putting his hand on his own machete. I sigh. Men are such morons sometimes. I step between them and reach my hands to both of them motioning to give me their weapons but they just stare at each other.

"C'mon, we don't have all day" I say and look at them with raised brows

After couple of seconds, knowing me well enough, they give up and hand me the machetes. I throw them on the ground before me.

"Good" I nod "Now, Benny, tell us what the hell is going on. I know you didn't do it"

"So you've got something to prove I'm innocent?" Benny asks

"No" I shake my head

"Then how would you know it's not me?" he insists as if he's trying to convince me he's a monster, but I know better

"I just know" I shrug

"You've got too much fate in me, sweetheart" Benny shakes his head

"So you did it?" Dean asks

"It's not me, Dean"

"So my amount of fate is just right" I nod and cross my arms

"Now, which "me" are we talking about – Benny, or Roy?" Dean insists, his voice too emotionless

"I'm just trying to blend in." the vampire explains and I nod in agreement, it sounds logical

"Blend in? Who'd you plant, Benny?" Dean's voice is full of accusation and hidden pain

"Victim number two." Benny looks sad, regret shining in his eyes "If you're concerned about the missed calls, I didn't want to get you involved."

"You're a friend, Benny" I say and offer him a reassuring smile "We're involved, like it or not. Tell us what's going on"

"Rogue vamp." Benny says with a sigh "Came into the café a couple nights ago. Youngster goes by the name of Desmond. He, uh, he remembers me from the good old days."

"The good old days?" Dean and I ask in unison

"I know it's hard to believe," Benny looks at us in irritation "but I haven't always been this cute and cuddly. He's chasing a memory, Dean. That's all. He's crewing up a new nest. He's hoping I can give him some cred. I told him no."

The rogue vamp didn't like Benny's answer and now is trying to make him change his mind by leaving dead bodies around. Benny admits this is his hometown and he's not ready to be kicked out of it by some amateur. I understand this is important for him and he confirms – he has found family here, his great-granddaughter, Elizabeth – the girl who Dean talked to at the café. I realize she means a lot to Benny. I know that after Purgatory he finds it hard with his hunger but obviously thanks to Elizabeth he sees the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm happy for him. Benny wants to deal with this Desmond on his own but Dean and I persuade him to leave this to Martin and Sam so they will finally understand Benny's not responsible for the two dead bodies.

* * *

But the conversation we had with the half-wit, as Benny called Martin, and Sam didn't go as planned. They still believed Benny's killed those people and the existence of second body only confirmed that for them. I cried and yelled at them furious because of their prejudice against Benny. And this only because he was a vamp - this was nothing more than pure racialism. Dean was acting really calm trying to reason Sam and Martin. But the argument turned into a fight when out of nowhere crazy Martin knocked out Dean. I jumped on Martin but Sam tried to stop me and obviously Martin hit me too because the last thing I saw before blacking out was Sam's worried face.

Now I'm trying to free myself from the handcuffs. I have severe headache and I'm really pissed. I hiss in irritation and sigh. What the hell was Sam thinking? It's almost like he doesn't know me and Dean. These handcuffs won't hold us for long. I only hope it won't be too long to be late to help Benny. Next to me Dean groans and wakes up only to realize he's handcuffed, too. He looks at me, squeezing his eyes, trying to focus.

"Good morning, sunshine" I say and suddenly my handcuffs open with a click and I grin widely

"Where are Sam and Martin?" he asks when I hand him the bobby-pin I used to free myself

"Martin's a dead man" I hiss in anger "I'll finish him myself!"

"Don't be ridiculous" Dean snaps at me "Call Benny."

"What the hell you think I'm doing" I look around for my phone

After an argument with the vampire Dean and I head out to meet him. Benny insists this is his fight and I can't disagree with him even though Dean wants him to lay low until he and I finish the job. But Benny's the only one who knows where the rogue vamp is so Dean and I have no other choice but to follow his lead no matter we like it or not.

The fight with Desmond is quick and less bloody than I expect. Benny is the one who decapitates him after he tossed me and Dean around like ragdolls. My shoulder's hurt and Dean's got a cut on his neck but these are minor injuries. We exit the building.

"My life here is over, isn't it?" Benny asks trying to hide the sadness in his voice

"Afraid so. Once word gets out..." Dean says, regret all over his face

I step aside giving them some privacy. I take a look at the night sky and sigh upon the shining stars. Why should everything end in pain? Why should Benny give up on the best thing he has in his life… Sadness and anger rage inside me. It's not fair. Life isn't fair.

"Life's a bitch" I mutter under my breath and go back to Dean and Benny

I know how hard this is for them – one being a hunter, the other a vampire. In Purgatory this didn't matter but in real life… I sigh. I see the regret, misery and a bit despair in both of them. Benny has to go deep underground. Where nobody knows him.

"I got one last thing I got to do." The vampire says and walks away

He has to say goodbye to Elizabeth. I shake my head, deep regret drowning me. We, hunters, destroyed Benny's happy peaceful life. He doesn't deserve this and I clench my jaw trying to calm down. In front of the café, Benny watches with a sad smile Elizabeth who's working inside. Dean approaches him and I stand next to them.

"Time to go, buddy" Dean quietly says and my heart sinks knowing he's right

They shake their hands for goodbye, both of them stoic but sad expressions on their faces.

"Thanks for not giving up on me, brother." Benny thanks Dean

"Don't give me a reason to" Dean answers in gruff voice; how typical, I roll my eyes

I go and hug Benny for goodbye.

"Promise, you'll call when you settle down" I ask him and put a kiss on his cheek

"Okay, sweetheart" he nods and lets go of me, going to his vehicle and sliding in the seat

I go next to Dean and wrap a hand around his waist. He gently puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a light reassuring squeeze. I feel so empty and hollow inside, still I'm sad. We raise our free hands in farewell as Benny drives away. I try to muffle my shaky breath. Dean hugs me and puts a kiss on my forehead.

"He'll be just fine, Braeden."

I nod, wishing to believe that.

"Let's go now" Dean gently pushes me to the Impala

I don't dare to call Martin or Sam and tell them everything's over, I'm too emotional right now, so Dean does it instead of me. The conversation is short and Dean is quite edgy, his voice sharp and full of warning. I smile, content that we managed to protect our friend and don't pay much attention to the fact he's talking to Martin, not Sam. I believe everything's fine. But that's until Dean gets a call from Elizabeth.

* * *

 _So what do you think about this chapter? What about Braeden's relationships both with Dean and Benny and the fact she stands up for our favorite vampire? Drop me a review and tell me :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hi, guys, how's been your week? :) This chapter's a bit longer than usual but at the end of this chapter I'm puting my own spin of the things and in future I'll follow pretty losely some of the plot lines. Anyway, I hope you'll like it :)_

* * *

Elizabeth is sitting on the steps outside the café; her silhouette is a dark shadow in the night. Her hands are shaking and covered in blood; as I approach her, I see there are some drops on her face, too. There's a small cut on her neck, otherwise she's fine. She's in shock, I can tell by the look on her face. She points to the inside of the café. Anxiousness is building inside me and I bite my lips not sure what we're going to find there. Dean hands her a towel pulling it from his pocket and she presses it to her neck. I take a deep breath and enter, Dean following me closely behind. There is blood on the floor, tables and chairs are turned upside down. It's clear there was a fight here. I clench my jaw as I see Martin's body and let out a breath I don't realize I held. I'm grateful it's not Benny. Martin's glassy eyes, wide open are staring to the ceiling, his moth slightly agape and his body lying in huge pool of blood. But what really catches my attention is his mauled neck. I look at Dean and he takes a deep breath and exhales in distress. I can't say I'm glad Martin's dead but sure as hell I'm not grieving. I should be sad that a man died tonight but I'm not. It's insensible and wrong but I don't care. He had it coming. Dean warned him just couple of hours ago that if he goes after Benny, he's as good as dead. I look to his body one last time before I walk out, following Dean.

* * *

We travel in silence. I wonder where Sam is, why he wasn't with Martin and why Dean doesn't seem to be worried about him. I'm just about to ask him when a phone starts ringing. I lean forward and open the glove compartment from where I hear the ringing. It's Sam so I hand the phone to Dean. I listen carefully to their conversation, curiosity and worry mixed. I can barely hear Sam's voice full of accusation and suppressed anger over the rumble of the Impala, but I know what the brothers are talking about. About thirty seconds later Dean shuts the phone with a curse.

"So you made him believe his girl's in trouble?" I cautiously ask

"Yeah" Dean stares at the road

"Wow… that's a dick move" I say and he inhales sharply "Hey, I don't say you didn't need to do it. I just say it's crappy."

"Yeah, tell me about it…" he mutters as he steps on the gas

I sigh and lean my head against the window. I feel crappy, depressed, nervous. Guilty. Guilty for destroying Benny's chance of normal life, guilty for making Sam rush to Amelia, thinking the woman he loves might be dead… and yes, a bit guilty because of Martin's death. I try to ignore all the emotions and muffle the panic that I feel every time I have to sleep. I close my eyes and ignoring everything around me, even Dean's dark mood and speed driving, I doze off.

* * *

I wake up with a scream, my body shaking nervously, my chest rising rapidly and panic flowing down my veins. The memories of Purgatory are still fresh in my mind. I take a deep breath and quickly exhale trying to calm down. My heart rate gradually slows down. I look around. It's still dark and I'm alone in the car that is parked in front of a motel. I climb out of the car and I hear shouts from the nearest room; I recognize Sam and Dean's voices. Lately I'm used to their arguments and disagreements but this is a real quarrel. Sam is furious. But so is Dean even though he sounds more tired and desperate. From what I hear I realize Sam's giving Dean an ultimatum to cut his ties with Benny or they won't be able to work together anymore. I close my eyes, realizing this means I have to choose between Sam and Benny, too. My lower lip trembles as I try to hold back my tears. How am I supposed to choose between the only friends I got? It's not fair and I curse under my breath. I look up to the sky, to the stars… I wait for Dean's response but I hear a door being opened and see him storming out of the motel room.

"Glad I made the drive." He says to Sam as he leaves the door open

I lock my eyes with Sam's. He's still angry, I can see the rage burning inside him. He looks at me stubbornly and expectantly. I clench my jaw and shake my head in disapproval. Then I get in the car and never look at him again.

* * *

I'm almost jumping out of excitement when Castiel appears in Rufus's cabin and asks for Dean's and mine help. Since his quarrel with his brother Dean is too quiet. He just shuts me out. I can see the pain in his eyes and how he tries to ignore it and pretend it's not there. But I know him well enough to know he's hurt and he doesn't know what to do. So instead facing the hard choice he has to make he pretends nothing's wrong.

However, I am not ready to give up nor Benny or Sam. I know I have to call the younger Winchester and talk to him but I can't force myself to do it. I'm afraid he'll give me the same ultimatum he gave his brother. Actually, I'm sure he'll do it and I'm too much of a coward to face this. So I follow Dean's example and try to ignore the problem. Almost as if I don't think about it, it'll disappear. But I know that even Sam's patience has its limits and soon I'll have to deal with this.

But right now little bit of distraction is exactly what Dean and I need. Cas needs help to find Samandriel who is kept somewhere near Hastings, Nebraska by Crowley. Both Dean and I are sure we'll be just fine without Sam and we assure Cas that's the case when he asks about the younger Winchester.

After a burned bush and man whose face looks like the sun ate it, we start driving around abandoned factories, hoping to have luck and find the one that is guarded by demons. The ninth one turns out to be the one we're looking for but there are too many demons around. And Cas feels an angel warding.

"Just great" I mutter while eyeing the factory

"Well" Dean sighs "you, me, Cas and a demon knife ain't gonna cut it."

"Okay. I'll get Sam." Cas says and he's ready to vanish

"No!" both Dean and I exclaim, then Dean adds "We don't need Sam"

"But you just said…"

"Look" Dean cuts him off "if Sam wanted in, he'd be here, okay? I got a better idea."

So we go to Kevin. I usually call him every couple of days to see how he's doing but after the fiasco with Benny I was in too much distress and I just… I feel guilty. It seems like we care about him only when we need his help. And it's hard to prove otherwise. The boy looks horrible – tired and worn out, as he hasn't slept in days. He has buried himself in notes and symbols trying to read the half of the demon tablet we have. He even has sent his mother away so she won't distract him. I frown at his dedication. It must really suck to be locked on Garth's boat and not be able to show your nose out of it because the King of Hell's looking for you. Kevin needs a rest and I promise myself I'll make sure he gets one when we save Samandriel. Kevin makes us a list of the things we need to make demon bombs.

While we wait Cas to get back with the needed ingredients me and Dean make sure we don't interrupt Kevin while he works. I know that right now is pretty much pointless to make him stop and try to distract him. But later I won't give him a choice. Then Dean's phone rings and when he answers it I realize he's talking to Benny.

"Benny!" I exclaim and reach for the phone but Dean pushes me playfully away "Ass!" I mutter "Tell him I miss him" I order and raise my brows waiting for Dean to do as I told him

He scowls at me but with a sigh informs Benny. I can hear the vampire's chuckle at his words and I smile. Then Benny says something and Dean's face fell.

"I know" he retorts "Your granddaughter told me"

So Benny explains about Martin and I grab the phone away from Dean before he can stop me.

"We don't blame you, Benny" I say and motion for Dean to come closer and put his ear next to mine so he can also hear what Benny says

"You did this old dog a real solid, and, uh... the way you stood up for me…"

"Well, shoe on the other foot, you would have done the same." Dean states confidently and that makes me smile

"Yeah. I hate to ask for much else, but I don't suppose there's any chance you're anywhere near the Catskills?"

"We're on the other side of the country, working a case" I say and furrow my brows "What's wrong?"

"Yeah, just hitting a little rough patch, I guess." Benny sounds sad and a bit hesitant "You know, doing this whole solo thing…"

"Baby steps, Benny" I gently say

"You heard her, man." Dean nods in agreement "One day at a time"

Soon we end the conversation with the promise we'll go see him as soon as the current case is over. I exchange a worried look with Dean; I'm concerned about Benny and he squeezes reassuringly my shoulder.

A bit later Cas comes back, the whole room filled with the fluttering of wings. And Sam is with him. It's not a pleasant reunion. The tension between the three of us is too obvious. Cas just looks at us

"We need everything. And I need the three of you, as you say, to stow your crap. Can you do that?"

Getting a lecture for your behavior from a socially awkward angel with rusty people skills really makes you stow your crap.

The plan is simple. Dean, Sam and I enter the building, destroy the angel warding and let Cas in. After that we go for Samandriel. But it turns out that even with ruined sigils Cas is not on full power. But something happens to Cas. He looks terrified and he sinks down into a crouch. I try to help him up on his feet but he refuses. Something's wrong, something's terribly wrong with Cas and I can't help him so I start to panic even though I know I have to stay calm for the boys. Meanwhile Sam and Dean do their best to open the door to the room where Crowley keeps Samandriel. The door finally gives in and they enter the room. Cas somehow manages to get on his feet and we follow them. Sam and Dean are fighting two demons and I frantically look around but Crowley's not there. Cas reaches Samandriel to free him from the metal thing on his head. New demon enters the room and I smile, happy I'll fight something. He flashes his eyes black as he approaches me. He attacks me but I punch him hard making him take a step back. He's strong and fast but I'm faster, adrenalin's pumping through my veins and all I see is the demon before me. And he's going to die. We dance around each other, hitting and kicking and punching. He makes a swift move trying to trick me but I don't fall for that and break his arm instead. With another quick move I break his leg but he manages to push me into a trolley with torture instruments. I grab something sharp and rushed back to the demon, stabbing him in the eye. Suddenly an orange glow goes through his body as he collapses and Dean appears behind him pulling the demon knife out of his back.

"I had this" I say pouting

"Of course you did" he shrugs "I just quickened it."

"Right" I say as I look around; Cas and Samandriel are gone "Let's get out of here"

It's dark outside and I breathe in the fresh night air. I feel so alive, it must be the adrenalin. We find Cas kneeled next to Samandriel's body. Cas looks somehow broken and confused

"Cas!" I run to him and cup his face "What happened?"

Dean and Sam rush to us. Suddenly Cas's expression goes completely blank and serious as he answers me

"He was compromised." He pushes away my hands and stands up "He came at me. I killed him in self-defense"

"Cas" Dean quietly calls him "you okay?"

In complete shock I see how from the corner of Cas's eye flows blood. He wipes it away as if nothing happened.

"My vessel must have been damaged in the melee. I have to go. Samandiriel's remains belong in Heaven."

Castiel crouches down by Samandiriel's body and puts an arm around his shoulders. He's ready to leave, I realize.

"Thank you..." Cas looks at us, his blue eyes piercing us "for everything you've done"

"Cas, wait" Dean calls but it's too late

Among the fluttering of his wings he and Samandriel disappear.

"Cas!"

* * *

Once we get back to Rufus's cabin we put on angel warding. The previous tension between us is gone, and working together made us forget our differences and for a while everything's like the old times. Obviously I'm not the only one who has noticed something's off with Cas since he's back from Purgatory.

"Why would the angels have him kill another angel?" Dean asks in irritation and confusion

"I don't know" I quietly answer and Sam shrugs

And then Dean surprises both me and Sam with his words

"You know what, man? We got this. You go. Don't you have a girl to go back to?"

Dean's being selfless again. It's his thing. No matter how much he wants his brother around he's ready to sacrifice his own happiness in order his little brother to have the life he wants. Sam is surprised and I can see the appreciation in his eyes. His eyes stop on me.

"Don't look at me, man" I pull him a face "I told you long ago what to do"

Sam looks a bit confused, he's over thinking something and I can see his hesitation. I leave the room, giving him and Dean some privacy. It's between them and I have no right to interfere. I sit on the steps of the porch and sigh. I have to prepare my bag, soon Dean and I have to leave and go to Benny, as we promised. After a while the door opens and Sam comes out. I stand up and he offers me a small, still hesitant smile.

"I'll go for a walk" he explains and makes a few steps, then turns to me "Are we good?" he asks with hope

"You're my friend, Winchester." I arch my brow to underline my words "No matter what. We are good"

He nods and continues his walk. I turn around to enter the cabin and see Sam's left the door ajar. I hear Dean's voice. He's talking on the phone. I'm not sure why but I stop myself from entering.

"Listen, Benny. Everything you've done for me, I will never forget, but, uh... This is it." It sounds hard for Dean to say this, but he does

My heart sinks. I hope he's just telling him we can't go to him right now… but this is until I hear his next words.

"End of the line" there's a small pause "You, uh... You stay good, all right?" another pause "Yeah, man. Adios."

I stand on the door, not ready to walk in. I can't believe what I just heard. I can't comprehend it. It's too much. After everything Benny did for Dean he just bails on him like this… Deadly anger is raging inside me, I feel tears in my eyes. I'm furious, hurt and feel betrayed. What if the next time Dean has to choose between me and something else? Will he just as easily give up on me as he did with Benny? I don't plan to stick around and find out. I storm inside and start packing my things. For a minute or two Dean's just staring at me, not really sure what I'm doing or why.

"Uh… Braeden?" he hesitantly asks as I put some clothes in my duffel and close it "What are you doing?"

"Packing" I snap at him "What does it look like?"

I turn around looking for my book but I can't find it. With a hiss of complete irritation, I go pass Dean who is absolutely stunned and confused by my actions; with my duffel in hand and my backpack on my back I grab my car keys.

"Where the hell are you going?" he asks in complete shock, his green eyes piercing me, pleading expression on his beautiful face

"To keep my promise to a good friend of mine" I hiss at him and storm out of the cabin

"Braeden!" he calls after me but I don't pay him any attention

I open my car door and throw my things inside, and then I slide in the seat. With a rumble the car awakens.

"Braeden, wait!" I hear Dean's shouts from behind me "Braeden!"

I step on the gas and don't even look at the mirror as I speed down the road.

* * *

 _What do you think about the story development? Please, I'd really appreciate more feedback so I know what you think of this._


	6. Chapter 6

_Hi, guys :) Sorry for the delay of this chapter but I'm on vacation and my internet access is limited. I hope you'll like it._

* * *

I patiently wait for him to answer his phone.

"Hi, leech" I cheerfully say when he does

"Look" Benny says and I can hear him sighing deeply "I'll make this easy for you. I know why you're calling…"

"No, you don't" I cut him off and I hear him sharply inhales "Now tell me where exactly your vampire ass is, so I can come to you"

He's silent for a second or two and then hesitantly gives me the address. I memorize it. Benny clears his throat.

"You're coming to me?" he sounds amazed

"Damn right I'm coming"

"But Dean…"

"I'm big girl, Benny" I cut him off again "I can decide for myself"

* * *

 _Two weeks later_

My phone rings. I cast it a glance and seeing who it is just let it keep ringing and proceed with preparing my coffee. Benny looks at my phone and sighs.

"Eventually you'll have to talk to him" he states "Why don't you pick it up?"

I glare at him, irritated from his words, even though I know he's right. With a hiss I grab my phone and answer it.

"Heya, Sam" I say and add sugar to my coffee "What's up?"

"What's up!?" Sam exclaims in anger "Seriously, Braeden!? What's up? I've been calling you like a thousand times the last two weeks"

"So?" I ask

"So where the hell are you? Why did you just leave like that?"

"Why don't you ask your brother?" I snap back "He's really good at abandoning his friends"

"Is this because of Benny?" Sam asks and I can hear the disbelief in his voice "And you're putting all of this on Dean?"

"Damn right I am." I say more angrily than I intend "I left so I could help a friend"

"We're your friends, too, Braeden. And yet, you left."

"C'mon, Sam" I groan "You really wanna do this?" in that moment Benny grabs my mug and I exclaim "This is my coffee, leech! Go make your own!" Benny grins at me and leans on the table listening to the conversation; it's his first real smile I've ever seen

"Wait, you're with him?" Sam asks in shock

"Yeah, I am" I say as I take clean mug and start making myself new coffee. "You got a problem with that?"

"Yeah, he killed Martin!"

"Martin had it coming, Sam. Your brother warned him what would happen if he goes for Benny…"

"So this justifies it?"

"Really, Sam? You're gonna play that card on me?" I hiss at him and Benny arches his brows - I know he hears perfectly well what Sam's saying.

"What do you mean?" Sam asks

"Amy, Sam. Amy. I stood for you back then. I trusted you and agreed to let her go. Why don't you trust me with Benny?"

I decide it's pointless to say that Benny, just as Amy before him, was taking care of his family. Amy was trying to save her son and she killed to provide him food. Benny was protecting his granddaughter and he killed to keep her safe and alive. But I know Sam won't listen.

"You don't ask me to trust you." I hear his voice through the phone "You ask me to trust Benny and I can't do that."

"That's one of the reasons I left" I sadly say

"What do you mean?" I can almost imagine him - furrowed brows and confused look over his face

"I can't stay with someone who doesn't trust me. Relationships are built on trust, Sam. And we don't have that anymore."

"Braeden…"

"Nice to hear you, Sam. Be safe." And with that I hung up and turn to Benny "Happy now? I talked to him."

"Yeah... and if it went well" the vampire states

"Shut up" I take a sip of my new coffee and Benny just shakes his head

"They are your family, Braeden" he simply states "Like it or not, eventually you'll have to fix this"

"No" I shake my head "I'm done with them. I'm up to here with both of them" I raise my hand over my head to emphasize my words "I'm done babysitting them. They're grown up men, they can solve their own problems alone. I won't be a part of this anymore. I refuse." With that I head to the door "C'mon, leech, or we'll be late for work"

* * *

Clara Thomson is an old acquaintance of mine – she owed me for saving her kid from a striga, so when we arrived in the town she hired me and Benny to work in her bar as bartenders. Her business is going pretty well and she's considering renovating the bar. I'm glad for her, it's nice to see someone's doing well in this dark world. Humming under my nose I go to my room to get ready for work. I look through the window – it's going to be dark soon. I sigh. I'm still not used to my shift's night timetable. I find it strange to sleep during the day and work through the night. Benny and I tease each other we're working on a vamp's timetable. I shake my head with a smile and quickly put on black tank top and jeans, then I head to the door, calling for Benny to hurry up.

I like my new job. My only real job I have ever had. It turned out I'm good at being a bartender. And I get better as weeks pass by, turning into months. I still can't get a normal sleep – nightmares of Purgatory don't let me sleep but somehow I manage it. I know Benny hears my screams that I wake up with, only a dead man can't hear me, but for now we both ignore this and don't talk about it. Living together and sharing an apartment with Benny gives me a lot of opportunities to explore the extend of the sexual tension between us and the amount of time before it explodes, narrowing everything to sex. Usually it's fun to watch Benny's reactions to my flirtation and innuendos, even though he never participates in my little games. He never takes the lead, leaving it all in my hands. But I notice the way he looks at me when he thinks I don't see him, and I can clearly identify his want and hunger. I'm not sure for how long we're going to play these games before we hook up. For how long he will let me tease him like that? I often wonder if I'm not embarrassing myself acting like this but then I remember the spark of lust in his eyes when I walk around covered only with a towel when I just got out of the bathroom or when I'm wearing no bra, just an oversized t-shirt that is barely covering my lacy bikini. If Bobby ever knew of this, he was going to decapitate Benny without giving a second thought. After all, I'm a hunter and he's a vampire. But at the end of the day what matters the most is not what you are but who you are deep inside. And Benny is a good man.

I work as hard as I can during the week and every weekend I visit Kevin. The poor kid is putting too much pressure on his shoulders. When I'm with him I do my best to distract him and make him take a break from the tablet. I always make him shower and eat because he's so consumed with his work over the tablet he forgets to do so. I also make him sleep. He's not really happy about my visits because, as he says, I distract him but I really don't give a rat's ass about his opinion. He needs to have a break from time to time and I'm doing my best to be sure of that.

Sam and Dean are the elephant in the room no one's talking about. Kevin doesn't mention them and neither do I. It's been weeks since I talked to Sam. He hasn't tried to contact me after that and I'm glad. Dean never tried to call me but I'm not surprised – he's stubborn and will never admit he's wrong. Sometimes I wonder if they ever miss me. I for sure miss them from time to time but I know I'm better off without them, without their troubles and insecurities they bring in every single action. Kevin's working his ass off – he's trying to figure out what has to be done in order to close the gates of Hell. He figured out the first already – he showed it to me and I asked him to contact me immediately when he has all three of them. He agreed but I felt there was something he wasn't telling me. I brushed the strange feeling away and made him dance with me. It was a challenge for both of us. For him to relax and have a break, and for me to trust someone to touch me. It was hard for me, I was tensed and on the edge but it is getting better with time. Working at the bar helps – it's overcrowded and sometimes clients brush their hands against my palms when taking their orders from me. I'm optimistic, I believe soon I won't pay much attention when someone's accidentally too close to me or brushes me while passing by me.

Benny and I share an apartment couple of blocks away from the bar. At the beginning it was awkward for both of us but soon we got used to each other's presence. Benny's better now, I see it. I think he found his place finally. He smiles more often and he laughs at my jokes still completely ignoring my attempts to flirt. Sometimes he's getting back to his old serious self, but it's for short – until I make him smile again. It is nice to see him happy, it makes me feel I'm doing something good.

It's a peaceful and happy life. I've got a job, a real job, Benny's smiling, we're earning enough money to make the both ends to meet and this is more than enough. Everything's just perfect. No monsters, no troubles, no Winchesters…

That is so until Cas shows up at the bar. Tonight is karaoke night and I look with discontent the untalented singer who's shouting at top of her lungs the lyrics of Roxette's "Listen To Your Heart". It's rare someone who can actually sing to get to the mic and decide to really sing. Usually it's some crazy people who just want to have fun and don't care their singing is worse than the squeaking of a pig that's being butchered. I shake my head and hand the cocktail that the blonde bimbo just ordered. And then I see Cas over her shoulder. He awkwardly gets through the crowded room, trying to get to the bar. Our eyes lock; his sky blue orbs are full of pain, regret and… fear.

"Cas?" I look him in worry and only now I notice his trench coat is cover with blood drops. "Are you okay?"

He shakes his head in confusion. He doesn't look well. I wonder what could possibly have happened to make him look for me. Benny comes to me, seeing my anxiousness and puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"What's going on?" and then he sees Cas "Castiel? What are you doing here?"

The angel's answer is simple and honest, and makes me tremble in fear.

"I just tried to kill Dean"

* * *

 _So, what do you think about Braeden's life with Benny? Drop me a review and tell me :) Wishing you all nice weekend_


	7. Chapter 7

_Another week passed, so it's time for a new chapter. I really hope you'll like it. Enjoy :)_

* * *

I rub my face and huff tiredly. Meg is on the couch, all covered in bruises but she looks much better now than an hour ago when she was with messy hair, dirty clothes and covered in blood. She has dyed her hair blonde. I liked her more dark but it is her choice… Plus, what do I care about this demon… Cas is sitting awkwardly next to her on the couch and I can feel the sexual tension between them and by his face I can tell this is making Cas very confused and uncomfortable. I push away these thoughts and take a sip from my beer. Benny's leaned on the doorframe, quietly drinking his favorite A+ from a glass. He's eyeing me carefully; I can see the worry hidden in his blue eyes.

"Well, well" Meg purrs "Miss Perfect Hunter living with a vampire, at odds with the Winchesters… Who would know?..."

"Shut up, Meg" I give her a death glare and she returns me a smug grin that tempts me to punch her in the face but I stop myself because of Cas

I still can't comprehend completely what Cas and Meg told me – Naomi bossing around Cas and making him kill Samandriel and do other things, Crowley torturing Meg for the location of the tablet, Cas trying to kill Dean because of Naomi's compulsion and the angel tablet itself that is now of possession of the angel… Now Cas and Meg are fugitives, hiding from both Heaven and Hell. It is too much, even for me. Benny's patient and waits for my decision. I can't back down now. Cas needs help and I'll do my best to help him. I won't let him down.

I bite my lip while considering the possibilities. I can always take the angel tablet to Kevin but my gut's telling me it's a bad idea, I'm not sure why but I trust my inner feeling. Plus, the kid's preoccupied with the half of the demon tablet and closing the gates of Hell. The last thing he needs is another tablet that has to be translated. I can trust the tablet to Cas, now that he's not under Naomi's control and is being his normal self. I'm not sure about Meg but something tells me Cas won't be happy if I separate them. So we need a safe place for both of them and the tablet.

"We need to find you two a safe place to stay and lay low…" I shake my head and look over to Benny "Any ideas?"

"Actually, yes" he shrugs and gives me a reassuring nod

* * *

"Man, this place's huge" I exclaim while turning on my heels to look around

The house is really luxurious, full of expensive stuff and fancy furniture. Benny's old nest knew how to live.

"So this is the vampirates nest, huh?" I start to calculate what warding the house's going to need "We've got a lot of work to do…" I sigh and look to Cas and Meg who are studying in interest the interior

I'm not sure I can trust the demon. But she helped Sam and Dean to find the angel tablet, so that must be something. And Cas trusts her, for whatever reason he has. Still, I'm going to keep an eye on her. I look over to Benny. He seems sad and resigned. I know it's hard for him to come back here, where memories of his old life, of his love rest. I'm really proud of him for suggesting this place to keep Cas and Meg save. I approach him and gently put my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask in concern

"I'm fine, sweetheart" he answers in gruff voice and covers my hand with his palm

I cup his stubble cheek and make him look at me with his sad blue eyes. He leans into my touch

"Thank you for doing this" I say and put a kiss on his cheek.

"For you" he quietly says "anytime"

"Oh…" I hear Meg's voice purring "Aren't you all Beauty and the Beast, uh?"

With a swift move I turn around to face her, shortening the distance between us before Cas or Benny can react, and I grab her for her throat, pushing her against the wall.

"I don't like you" I snarl, squeezing her neck "I don't trust you" I push her again against the wall "And I sure as hell don't want you here. But you're the lesser evil and I have to put up with this. But watch it. One wrong move and I'm gonna carve your heart out from your chest with my bare hands"

I let her go and she smiles smugly at me but keeps it quiet. Cas's watching me with warning in his sky blue eyes but I don't care. I'm doing this for him. Benny raises his brows, silently asking what this outburst was all about but I just shake my head. Both of them, Cas and Benny, know pretty well that this was not a hollow threat and that I'm absolutely capable of doing it without blinking an eye. I only hope Meg will never find out how deadly serious I am. For her own good.

I grab the duffel bag with all the paint and head out of the room.

"C'mon, leech" I call over my shoulder "I'm gonna need help with all of this warding"

I am on the edge. I can feel it. I need to keep myself calm and busy or I might start throwing punches. I'm nervous and edgy. My anxiousness only calls memories of Purgatory back in my mind. I hear Benny's steps as he follows me through the house. I toss him one of the spray paints I've brought and instruct him what to do. He silently obeys me and I wonder exactly how grumpy I look, is it so clear I have murderous intends on my mind. Probably, I'm not good at keeping my emotions to myself. I've never been good at that. Bobby always said I was too emotional for a hunter, still this was the thing that kept me human. Now that he's dead, years later I understand what he meant – that I'm brutal when hunting but my emotions help keep the human in me, they help me make the difference from right and wrong.

I realize I've stopped painting and my hand is frozen in the air while making another symbol. I sigh and take a step back to see what I have to finish.

"You okay?" Benny quietly approaches me, we've been working for hours over the wardings all over the house and we still have a lot to do

"Yeah…" then I shake my head, he takes my hand in his "No… I don't know" I sigh and turn to face him

He's so close it surprises me and my breath stops. His gentle sad blue eyes are watching me with care and worry. I can feel his strong body, hovering protectively over me. Only millimeters separate us and suddenly I want to lean forward and kiss him. All I have to do is raise on my toes and our lips will connect. Obviously my intentions have written over my face because Benny deeply sighs and whispers almost pleadingly

"Don't"

"What?" I ask confused

"Don't kiss me" he says and I can swear I hear pain in his voice

"Why not?"

Benny takes a step back and rubs his neck. He looks really distressed and I can't understand what I've done wrong. I know it's not the best place or time to straighten what we have between us but still, I can't help myself but wish to wrap my hands around Benny and kiss him. I watch at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

"You don't like me that way?" I start to wonder if I was the only one who felt the building sexual tension between us

"That's never been the problem, sweetheart" Benny says in deep voice, eyeing me carefully

"Then?" I raise my hands in the air "What is the damn problem?"

"Your heart belongs to someone else"

I stare at him in complete confusion. I am totally shocked. He thinks I'm in love with someone else? Oh, the irony. If I was in love, then why no one bothered to inform me? After couple of seconds of complete stupefaction, I find my words.

"Last time I checked" I say trying to ignore my anger and offence "My heart was exactly where it should be" and I point to my chest "Right here!" I glare at Benny "So if you don't want me, find a better excuse" and I storm out of the room.

"Braeden!" I hear Benny calls after me "Braeden, wait!"

Stubbornly, I continue walking down the hall. Before I can make another step, Benny's in front of me. Damn vampire super speed! I clench my jaw and point my previous anger to him. I aim at his chin but he catches my fist before I can punch him. I growl in anger and yank my hand away, shifting my body and kicking him hard. And then the next couple of seconds everything turns in blows and punches and kicks… I push Benny so hard he leaves a hole in the wall. He tries to punch me so I take a step back but I trip over and I stagger back, knocking off an antique vase, and its shatter echoes through the empty house. Benny's fast and strong - faster and stronger than me, but we've been together in Purgatory and I know every single one of his moves and attacks, as well as he knows mine. This is a vicious circle and I know well enough I can't really hurt him but I'm so mad and angry that the satisfaction of hitting something is too much to stop. Benny grabs my arm and pulls me hard towards him. With my free hand I try to hit him but he catches it and wrings it behind my back so I try to kick him in the balls but he knows me too well and foresees my intent so he blocks my kick with his thigh. Our legs intertwine and we both lose balance, and then with a thud we fall on the floor. Benny shifts his body not to hurt me, still his grip on me is strong and I growl trying to free myself. After couple of seconds of pointless wrestle I give up with a hiss.

"So supposedly" I bark at him "who am I in love with?"

Benny hovers over me, his body pressed against mine so tightly I can't move. His blue eyes are piercing me while he's looking at me intensely. I breathe deeply and my chest presses against his and I see how his eyes widen. I bite my lip and manage to wrap my legs around his waist. I feel him against every inch of my body and my blood rushes through my veins excited, I know he can hear my heart bumping loudly in my chest. We're so close to one another and I can feel I get hot and he shifts uncomfortably. I raise my head and whisper next to his ear

"Listen to my heart, Benny. Do you really still believe I want someone else?"

I am just about to kiss him when I hear steps. Benny quickly stands up and with a swift move lifts me up, putting me on my feet. Second later Cas and Meg show up at the end of the hall, both with their weapons in their hands. Benny and I quickly separate from each other. Cas looks in confusion the hole in the wall with the shape of Benny's back and the shattered vase, then his eyes stuck to us. It takes only two seconds for Meg to realize what has happened and her face turns into a smug all-knowing grin.

"We heard struggle" Cas says, his brows furrowed, putting the angel blade away

"Yeah… We…" I try to come with some explanation but fail "I accidentally knocked down the vase" I shrug

"Yeah, right" Meg purrs "And it made hole in the wall"

Before I can bark back at her to fuck off, Benny leans forward, and steps in front of me protectively, hissing at her with his fangs out.

"Drop it!" Benny snarls at her

What surprises me even more is Cas's reaction when he stands between Benny and Meg with stern face and warning shining dangerously in his eyes.

"Leave her alone." Cas says in his low gruff voice

I lean and meet Meg's eyes. For the first time today, we're in agreement. We have to interfere.

"That's cute, Clarence, but totally unnecessary" she steps close to Cas, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Too much testosterone here" I say as I wrap my hands around Benny's shoulders "C'mon, leech, help me finish the warding" and I take his hand and guide him to the room we left just couple of minutes ago

Cas and Benny aren't best friends but in Purgatory they had enough trust to keep each other safe. And now almost getting into a fight because of me and Meg is just ridiculous. I grab the paint and finish the last sigil in the room. I hear footsteps and turn around to see Cas followed by Meg entering the room. All of us act as if nothing really happened.

"We need to secure the tablet" the angel says in his deep voice

"Then go and hide it" I insist so he nods and heads out of the room

Meg is just about to follow him when I pull a knife out of my boot and toss it. It flies inches from her head and pins into the wall and she stops taken aback.

"I said Cas to go and hide it. You…" I trail of and shake my head at her "are staying here."

Cas sighs deeply but crosses the threshold and vanishes into the house, or wherever he's decided to hide the angel table. Meg just rolls her eyes on me.

"Still don't trust me, huh?" she asks in her mocking tone that I hate so much

I march to her and put my hand on the knife that is still pinned in the wall on the left side of ger head. Our faces are separated just by mere inches.

"Doesn't hurt to be cautious, right?" I say with a raised eyebrow and pull the blade out of the wooden wall

Then I turn to Benny and give him a bright smile

"We're not nearly done here. We've got only couple of hours until our shift in the bar, so I suggest we get down to work"

I stride out of the room, followed by Benny and Meg. Ah, the irony – a hunter, a vampire and a demon under the same roof, working together and not trying to kill each other. I shake my head with a smirk - the rest of the day is going to be pretty intense and interesting.

* * *

 _It took me a while while I decide how I want the things between Braeden and Benny to develop so I'll really appreciate your opinion on this one, guys :) Drop me a review and tell me what you think about the new chapter :)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi, darlings! :) Another week rolled by and it's time for the next chapter! :) Huge thanks to_ EmilyEverlasting _for all the reviews, it really means the world to me and I'm really happy to know what you think about the story. :) Anyway, I hope you guys will like the new chapter - I reveal a bit of a background information on Braeden's past and if you haven't figure out this particular thing yet, I really hope it'd be a surprise for you :) Enjoy_

* * *

 _I speed down the road, forcing the engine. I have to get to the hospital, I just have to. I'm so worried, tears filling my eyes and blurring my vision. I shake my head trying to get a grip of myself and press the gas. Stupid, stupid me… I should've been there for him, I should have never left. Damn my pride! I can still hear Dean's croaked voice when he called me an hour ago._

 _"_ _Braeden…" he hesitated, taking a deep breath, preparing to bring the bad news "It's Bobby"_

 _It's Bobby. That's all I needed to rush back to Sam and Dean, to Bobby, back to the father who in anger and pride I ignored for weeks…_

 _I fly into the hospital, rushing down the corridors, looking for the Winchesters. I see them, standing in shock in the middle of the hallway, and then I see him… the one and only Bobby Singer, my father, lying lifelessly on that hospital bed while the medical staff is attempting to revive him. I can see the flat line on the monitor, I can hear the beeping, this horrific sound is deafening me._

 _"_ _No!" I cry in pain and anger "No!"and I run towards him but two strong hands grab me "No! Bobby!" I scream, "Let me go!" I struggle, kick and fight but the hold on me is strong "Let me go! This is my father there! This is my father!" my voice is choked, I'm reaching my hands to him "Dad! Daddy! No!" I try to struggle but my pain overwhelms me, my knees go weak…_

 _I'm about to fall but the hands holding me tight don't let me. Instead they press me against their owner's chest and some distant part of my mind realizes that Dean is the one holding me. Through my full of tears eyes I look at him and all I can see is pain and despair all over his face. I clutch tight to him and let the tears fall. The pain I feel is almost physical, I can't breathe, I feel as someone just ripped my heart and soul and tore them apart into thousand little fragments that the wind blows away. The hole of emptiness inside me is growing with every second, hurting me even more… The only thing that's holding me together is Dean. He's just there, holding me, not saying anything because we both know it's pointless, there's nothing he can say to fix this. My grasp on him tightens as I hug him, seeking comfort in my despair. And then this awful beeping sound suddenly stops and I hear the staff announcing the time of death. A scream full of all my emotional pain escapes my lips_

 _"_ _NO! DAD!"_

* * *

With a scream I wake up. My heart is racing, the painful memory still alive in my mind. I take deep breaths, trying to calm down. I sit up in the bed and rub my face. The door of my room opens and I see Benny standing there, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes full of concern.

"How much more I have to pretend I don't hear your screams every time you go to sleep?" he quietly asks

"Well, don't stop now" I try to joke, but my voice cracks so Benny silently enters my room and closes the door behind him.

"This has to stop, Braeden" he states "Whatever is bothering you, it…"

"It was different this time" I blurt out, much to my own surprise

Benny looks at me astonished and I shrug. He approaches my bed and sits on its edge

"What was it?" he carefully asks

"Usually it's Purgatory" I shake my head "but now… I dreamt of Bobby's… my father's death"

"Oh… you call him by name?"

"Yeah… I…" I shrug "I grew up with Sam and Dean around and they always called him "Bobby" so soon I started calling him by name, too" I move and make more place for Benny, who obediently lies next to me "He never said a word against that and it became a habit. I rarely called him Dad" I bite my lip as I feel tears fill my eyes

"Hey" Benny reaches and hugs me "You don't have to talk about it…"

"No.. it's just…" I force myself to talk normally "I just never got the chance to say goodbye" I shrug

Actually that's what bothers me the most. Yes, I miss the old man, I really do, he's my father, he raised me and I love him… But I never had the chance to say goodbye to him. Not like Sam and Dean. They were there for him, in his last minutes of his life. And it should've been me. They managed to say goodbye and I didn't. I wasn't sure for what I was angrier – that they were there for him instead of me, or because he couldn't hold on for only two more damn minutes so I could be there for him. It hurts me deeply and I know I'm not the daughter he deserved. The last words we said to each other were angry and harsh. He didn't deserve that but I was too proud to apologize. I'm not mad at Sam and Dean, the only one to blame is me. It's my fault I wasn't there and I have to live with that.

With a deep sigh I cuddle next to Benny and wrap my hand around his waist. He puts his arm around my shoulders and I try to relax, to push away the painful memory and forget about all of my nightmares. It's nice to be close to Benny, to feel the warmth of his body, his embrace. It makes me feel better, more relaxed, a bit safer, not so worried and anxious. It isn't perfect. But it is better.

After a while a thought that's been in the back of my mind since the day we ward the house Meg and Cas hide in, starts bothering me. It's been a couple of days since then and Benny acts as if nothing has happened between us so until now I've followed his lead about this. But now my curiosity pushes me to ask him…

"Benny? Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah"

"Who do you think I'm in love with?" the moment I say my question I hear Benny inhales sharply

"Braeden…"

"No, tell me" I lean on my elbow so I can look at his blue eyes and I see him struggling to decide whether to tell me or to keep it to himself "You're the one who brought this before and I deserve an honest answer"

"Fine" he huffs in surrender

"So?" I raise a brow making him chuckle at my impatience

"It's Dean"

"Dean!?" I repeat in disbelieve, watching him with my mouth agape from surprise "Dean?" I repeat not sure if I'm hearing this right.

He nods in confirmation. I sit and cross my legs, still staring him in complete stupor

"Dean" I say again and then grab my pillow and hit him repeatedly with it "Are you fucking crazy!?"

He catches my hands and yanks the pillow away. His expression is so serious I know he means it.

"I've been around for really long time, Braeden" he quietly says "I can tell when two people are drawn to one another"

"But Dean…" I make a face "We grew up together; he and Sam have always been…"

"Like brothers to you?" Benny raises his brows "Sam maybe, but Dean… I've seen you how you look at him"

"How I look at him?" I repeat like a parrot, totally confused

"The very first moment I saw you in Purgatory…" Benny shakes his head "You had eyes only for him"

"That's not true" I argue "I went there for him and Cas. Getting you out was a bonus" I shrug and a faint smile stretches Benny's lips

"You fancy him much more than if he were just your friend, sweetheart" Benny gently points out "That's why you're so pissed at him. You care for him and he betrayed your trust by choosing his brother…"

"So you want to tell me you're not mad at him for bailing on you?" I raise my brows

"No." Benny shakes his head and I know he's genuine "That was our original agreement, remember? Getting out of there and taking our separate ways. Sam's his family. You're scared he might choose Sam over you so you ran away before he had a chance to do so. You just haven't realized that yet."

"Yeah, right" I huff in irritation

Benny chuckles softly and then he leans and puts a gentle kiss on my forehead

"Get some sleep, you need it" and with that he leaves me alone

I sigh and lie on my bed hugging the pillow. Me, in love with Dean… what a ridiculous thought. Yes, I care about him, I still do, no matter how pissed I am at him, but to care doesn't mean to be in love. I search deep inside me, trying to prove myself Benny's wrong. I like Benny and I want him. Not Dean, and that's so since the very first moment I lie my eyes on the vampire in Purgatory. I've never thought about Dean in that light. Suddenly I remember the way Dean's hug feels, his hands enveloping me in safe and warm embrace, then the sound of his laugh, and his half smirk, that can drive every woman crazy… I feel a shiver going down my body, and then this feeling of butterflies inside my stomach… I huff in irritation. It's Benny's fault for sticking this thought in my mind. With a grumbled curse I turn on my other side and push away all thoughts of men… and certain vampire out of my mind. Soon I drift off.

* * *

I wake up and rub my eyes, sleep hasn't left me completely yet. I turn to my side and hug one of the pillows. I stretch and look to the clock. It's time to get up. Then all of a sudden I remember last night's conversation with Benny. He can't be right. I'm not in love with Dean. But I'm not in love with Benny either. I really do care about him and I do appreciate him highly as a friend. Then why the hell have I been teasing him so much? Why have I been flirting so shamelessly with him, even when he didn't take any part of my little games? With a huff I turn on my back and stare at the ceiling. Could it be because I stubbornly have decided I want him? Could it be because I'm used to get what I want so I keep insisting for a development between me and him? I know I'm attracted to him but could I be so shallow? With a disgust groan I push myself out of bed and start dressing. I feel ashamed for my behavior towards Benny and I wonder how he put up with me for so long. I shake my head and sigh. I decide to honor his decision – he doesn't like my flirtations and he clearly showed me he's not interested with our last conversation so I must stop and behave myself. With new determination I leave my room and head to the kitchen. I need coffee.

I get myself a clean mug and start preparing the magical liquid that's going to fully awaken me. I greet Benny when he enters and hand him a mug with the coffee I've prepared for him. Still too sleepy I let my thoughts wander. Even though I have my clean start, it isn't as clean as I wish it, especially after helping Cas and Meg – it let the old habits to flood in my mind. And one of those habits is to look around for strange things. I'm used to go through the newspaper and check for possible cases. And today I find what I'm looking for and the moment I lay eyes on the article I know I won't be able to let it go. The local police found two bodies at an abandoned factory. The victims were drained out of blood, marks of needles found on their arms. I put aside the newspaper with a sigh that causes Benny to look me over his mug's edge with raised brows. I look back at him

"I found a case" I state and stand up

"I thought you were done with this" he says carefully and takes a sip of his coffee

"Not exactly" I shrug and make a face

"How's that?" Benny asks and puts his mug aside

"I'm done with the Winchesters, not with the hunting"

"Braeden…"

"There's a monster out there, killing people."

Benny sighs. He knows me too well to argue with me about this. I head out to my room to prepare myself. I want only to check it out and I'll be back for my shift at the bar.

"Do you at least know what you are after?" Benny calls after me so I stop and look at him over my shoulder with a shit eating grin

"Yep" I say way too cheerfully "We've got a Genie on the loose"

"Just be careful"

"I always am, leech" I brush his concern away "I always am"

* * *

 _So, how's the chapter? What do you think about Benny's statement Braeden's in love with Dean? And how about the fact she's Bobby's daughter? Did I manage to surprise you with that one? Please, review and tell me what you think :) Have a nice weekend and till next time :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Hi, guys! :) First of all, I want to thank my friend M. (who is just as obsessed with Supernatural as I am, if not even more :D) for all her support and her faith in me and all those hours she spent with me, discussing my ideas about all of my stories and helping me chose the best option. None of my stories would've been the same without her. She really helped me to clear my idea of what's to happen to Braeden and her relationship with all of the boys, not only Sam & Dean. Thank you, dear, for standing by my side and always understanding my references, no matter how stupid they are :D  
So this chapter doesn't present much development in the storyline and I assume that most of you after reading Chapter 8 knew what's about to come in this one - the djinn and the hallucinations of a perfect life. I know this might be a bit cliche in Supernatural world of fanfiction but I really needed this to help Braeden clear her mind and finally realize what her heart wants. So, I hope you'll bare with me and enjoy the chapter :)_

* * *

 _I wake up with a gasp. I frantically look around and I can't recognize the room. Where the hell am I? I sit. There's no one else but me in the huge bed. Then I see on the bedside table a picture of me and Dean. I furrow my brows and reach to take it when a gleam of gold on my hand catches my attention. The sunlight coming from the window shines directly on my hand. It's a ring. A wedding ring. I stare at it in complete shock. I take it off and look at it closely. There's something carved on the inside. "Together – Forever. D.". I let a surprised whimper. As a teenager I loved Bon Jovi, I actually still do. And I love "Never Say Goodbye". Dean always teased me about my addiction, as he called my obsession of Bon Jovi's songs. These two words that were on the ring… it was so sweet. I put it back on my finger and head out of the room. I follow the corridor to the stairs and then down to the kitchen. I stop at the threshold surprised to see Dean there, humming Metallica while preparing breakfast. I smile. He looks so comfortable doing this, actually he enjoys it. Then he turns and sees me. Huge grin spreads over his face and he approaches me._

 _"_ _Good morning" he says cheerfully and before I know it he's kissing me_

 _I let myself go. Get lost in the feeling of his gentle lips against mine, his embrace as he sneaks his arms around me, his body pressed against mine. Dean deepens the kiss and I'm all over him, my hands in his hair, my legs around his waist and he pushes me back against the wall. His skillful tongue makes me shiver in his arms and I know that if he doesn't hold me I'll become a pitiful pile of desire on the floor. All I could think of is Dean. His body against mine, his hands on my ass, his mouth… Oh, god his mouth, the things he does… the little noises of appreciation that come from him when my hands run down his back and slide under his T-shirt. I gasp when he presses his hips against me and… Somehow I manage to pull myself together through the bliss of lust and desire and pull myself away from him._

 _"_ _Dean…" I almost moan "What are you…"_

 _He looks back at me and his green eyes shine mischievously_

 _"_ _Saying good morning to my beautiful wife" and he kisses me again and I can't fight it_

 _Then a sudden knock on the door makes us separate from one another. Dean grins at me and heads to open, I follow him. And there he is. The one and only Bobby Singer, staying on the threshold giving Dean a friendly and warm hug._

 _Confusion. That's what I feel. I'm really confused. Dean's my husband and Dad's alive… What the hell is going on here? I look around but everything seems just fine, nothing out of the ordinary. Normal kitchen, normal house, normal family… Bobby steps in and Dean closes the door behind him. I feel tears filling my eyes_

 _"_ _Dad?" I whisper with croaked voice and before he has the chance to answer me I throw myself at him, hugging him tightly._

 _"_ _Whoa, kiddo" he exclaims as he wraps his hands around me "What's that all about?"_

 _"_ _Nothing" I mumble heartbroken and happy in the same time and let myself get lost in his embrace "I just missed you"_

 _"_ _Right" he chuckles "It's been only two days"_

 _"_ _It doesn't matter" I say and pull away from him, still a bit stunned by his presence_

 _He and Dean look at me oddly, not sure what to think about my strange reaction._

 _"_ _C'mon" Dean suddenly says "Let's eat, I just made breakfast" and he leads us to the kitchen_

 _I sit and silently start eating the bacon and the eggs in my plate. I listen to the conversation between Dean and Bobby and my confusion grows. Obviously, I have a brother – Benny. And Sam and Amelia are on their honey moon, happily married. There's something off, I can feel it in my gut. But then I put my worries aside and decide to enjoy the company of my family. I smile and look over to Dean who winks at me before turning to Bobby and answering him something about cars. It's so nice to be here with them – no researches, no hunting, no monsters, no problems to be solved. Only pure happiness._

 _So I let the hours merge into days. Dean is caring and gentle husband, always making sure I'm okay and… he look so happy from doing the smallest simple things – helping me clean the table, brushing my hair or hugging me before we let the sleep conquer our minds. And I'm so happy. I just ignore my worries every time they show in the corner of my mind, trying to tell me something's wrong._

 _I take a sip of my beer and wait patiently for Dean to bring the popcorn. We're about to watch a movie. He comes holding a huge bowl full of popcorn, the nice smell of butter spreading around, and sits next to me on the coach. With a huge smile he pulls me in his arms and gently puts a kiss on my temple. I sigh in delight and wrap my hand around his waist. The feeling of safety he gives me, it's just wonderful. I lean my head on his chest and I can hear his heart. I suppress my smile. It seems so natural to be here with him. So logical. I feel happiness pumping through my veins, butterflies flitting in my stomach. I tilt my head to see Dean but he's concentrated on the Chuck Norris's movie. I feel the urge to kiss him, to mark him as mine. Staring at him, I furrow my brows. He's my husband. Where this urge of possession came from? Why would I want to mark him when, he's already mine? Because he's never been yours, a tiny voice in my head whispers. I feel confusion building inside me and suddenly I try to remember something before that morning couple of days ago. A distant memory of conversation with Benny and me being mad at Dean crosses my mind. But I'm here with him now, my husband, the man I love, is next to me. I freeze as the thought crosses my mind. The man I love. I look at Dean. How could I not love him? He's gentle, caring and selfless and no matter how hard he tries to hide himself under his rough outlook I know that deep down there's a sensitive and emotional man, who puts his stoic mask and believes every wrong in the world is his responsibility. He's strong and funny, and deals with his problems stubbornly. No matter how many times the life has put him on his knees he always finds a way to rise up. I admire him for this strength. I look up to him, for he's always ready to help others even with the risk of his own life and he's ready to sacrifice everything in the name of the ones he cares about. That's my Dean. The hunter, the hero. And suddenly I know that the man in whose embrace I am is not Dean. Not my Dean, at least. And all the memories flood my mind – Benny, the conversation, the hunt, the djinn, the struggle, his blue glowing hand touching me…_

 _I pull away from Dean. Reluctantly, but I pull away. He furrows his brows_

 _"_ _What's wrong?" he asks_

 _"_ _You" I say sadly "You're not real"_

 _"_ _Of course I'm real" he chuckles at me_

 _"_ _No, you're not" I shake my head and stand up, I know what I have to do "Dean I know would never put such a cheesy line on his wedding ring" I pull the ring and throw it at him "You're not real, Bobby's not real, this house's not real" I look at him "Nothing's real"_

 _"_ _C'mon, babe, don't be like this…" Dean says pleadingly "It's real"_

 _"_ _No, it's not" I take a step back "If it was, Benny wouldn't be my brother, Sam would be with Jess, his first love. And my father's dead. He can't be here" I head to the kitchen and grab a knife, remembering what my Dean told me he had done to escape the djinn hallucinations_

 _"_ _Baby, I'm here" Dean says "What else do you need? I love you"_

 _"_ _Oh" I shake my head, he would never say the last three words "This is so not real" and I raise the knife above my head_

 _"_ _No!" Dean cries "Please, don't. You're happy here. Stay!"_

 _"_ _I can't" I say and I stab myself, the blade sinking in my flesh…_

* * *

I open my eyes with effort but everything's blurred. I'm dizzy and I feel weak and tired. There's some strange noise, almost like a struggle. Slowly I manage to focus my eyes. I'm in the abandoned warehouse, alone. Thank god, the djinn hasn't caught anyone else. My hands are tied and raised above my head, I'm hanging on the ropes and there's a needle stuck in my arm. I turn my head and see the tubing and the rack… and my blood slowly being drained. My head hurts and I try to focus over the strange noise, though all I want is to sleep. Suddenly Benny bursts into the huge hall and rushes to me.

"How are you?" he asks while untying me and then he picks me up and heads out.

"Peachy. But I'll live" I weakly say and then ask "The djinn?"

"Dead" Benny firmly states, his jaw clenched in suppressed anger "I put it down"

I let him carry me only because I'm not sure I can trust my own legs, I really feel too weak and my head is fuzzy, sleep slowly overwhelming me. I look at him and I remember what I found out about my feelings for Dean, no matter how ridiculous they seem.

"Thank you" I gently kiss Benny's cheek and lean my head on his shoulder as he carries me to the car

"What was that for?" Benny asks while carefully putting me in the shotgun seat.

"For knowing me better than I know myself" I mutter and finally surrender to exhaustion and sleep as everything goes black

* * *

 _So... the halucination part was a bit longer than I intended but I think it fit quite well into the story and most importantly revealed a little more into what Braeden believed she wanted and what she really needed. What do you think about it? And how about Braeden finally clearing her mind and heart? Please, review and tell me. Wishing you all a nice weekend :)_


	10. Chapter 10

_Hi, guys! Here's this week's chapter. You'll probably going to hate me, because of the major character death here.  
_

* * *

"How can you be so stupid!?" Benny rages at me "You've been reckless and it could've killed you!"

"Are you done?" I ask and roll my eyes "I heard you the first hundred times you said that."

Benny's jaw clenches and he gives me a death glare. To be honest, I've never seen him like this before. He's so angry with me and I know he has every right to be, but keep telling me one and the same thing over and over again won't change the facts. The simple truth is I didn't believe the djinn would be that stupid to come back to the crime scene, where the police found the drained bodies. It turned out the stupid one was me, because even though I had the silver knife dipped in the lamb blood, the monster caught me off guard and by surprise.

I try to get comfortable in the car seat but it's useless. I sigh and stare out of the window as Benny speeds up down the road. I regret the fact we didn't take my car but I just didn't want to argue with him for something so minor. I shake my head. Right now it's pointless to argue with Benny. I have to let him get all of his anger out before I can speak to him reasonably. I know he's mad because he cares but the last two days, since he saved me from the djinn, he's been acting so angrily, I am fed up with his behavior.

"You're too emotional and one day your feelings will get you killed" Benny says with stern face

"Stop treating me as a child, Benny! I can take care of myself!" I finally bark back at him "I'm a hunter and I know what I'm doing! Yes, it's dangerous and yes, the chances of getting killed are high! I know that and I've accepted it long ago. I know how to do my job and I'm good at it. So, please stop acting like a douche and be my friend again!"

"Don't flatter yourself!" the vampire scoffs but I can see the smile in his eyes "I wasn't worried about you. I was worried what Dean would do to me if something happened to you on my watch"

"Yeah, right" I laugh but become serious "Which reminds me, why the hell are you answering him? I mean, he snaps his fingers and what? You run after him"

"He's a brother, Braeden"

"Yeah" I scoff at him "The brother who let you down."

"Braeden…" Benny deeply sighs and casts me a glance "As time passed by I learned something important. There are people we care about and we're ready to do everything for them. But this doesn't mean they're ready to do the same for us."

"That's unfair" I mutter and cross my arms

"It's life, sweetheart" Benny chuckles with a grim face and gently rubs my shoulder "Now try to get some sleep, it's going to be a long drive"

I nod and doing my best to ignore the panic rising in me at the thought of sleep and the nightmares that are haunting my dreams, I lean my head against the cold window and close eyes.

* * *

"Say that again?" I lean forward, finding it hard to believe the mess the Winchesters are at right now "The second trial is to save an innocent soul from Hell and Sam went through Purgatory right into Crowley's hands to save my father?" when Dean nods in confirmation, I continue "And Ajay's dead and Sam and Bobby have no way of coming back?" I shake my head "Well done, Dean. Real smooth on this one"

"Braeden!" Benny says and I hear the warning in his voice "The only reason I took you with me is because you promised to behave yourself. So behave!"

I shoot him a death glare but silently nod at him. I don't feel pretty comfortable around Dean. But he doesn't look well. He's worried sick and tired. He looks so exhausted and my heart aches for him, but I'm still mad at him. I don't forgive easy. And now I'm even angrier with him. How can he and Sam start the trials without knowing all of them, without being sure what this will require of them? How can they be so stupid!? And this reminds me of Kevin. I want to wring his neck. Why didn't he tell me Sam started the trials?! But right now all this anger is pointless.

I shake my head and turn my back to Dean and Benny and look around. I know this place pretty well – the old graffiti'd alley. From here Ajay, he was a Reaper who went rogue long ago, sent me in Purgatory when I needed to find Cas and Dean. The only reason we didn't get back with his help was because we got in a fight with some Leviathans so we were late for the arranged time and Ajay wasn't there to bring us back. Back then I was so grateful to learn Benny knew another way out of Purgatory. So we used the portal… And here I am, about an year and a half later on the same spot that brought me to know Benny. Now with Ajay dead I'm not sure Sam and Bobby have a chance in Purgatory. We need to find a way of getting them out of there. Quickly. And then it hits me.

"No…" I mumble in shock and shake my head, and then turn to Dean "Please, tell me you didn't call Benny for the reason I think you called him"

Dean looks broken and I close my eyes. I'm right. Dean called Benny here to kill him. Listening to their conversation I know Benny will agree. Seeing Dean in such poor condition makes me realize it hasn't been easy for him to give up on Benny and some of my anger for him disappears. But hearing Benny saying he doesn't feel as his place is on this world… I thought I helped him to fit in, to feel happy and complete. But obviously I was wrong. Maybe I didn't try hard enough? Is it possible this to be my fault?

"Well, when you get back up here, we're gonna fix all that, okay?" Dean says and I hear the hope in his voice

"When I get back?" Benny asks and I feel anxiousness building inside me and I furrow my brows

"Yeah" Dean nods "you find the portal, and your ride out of Purgatory with Sam just like you did with me, okay? As soon as I send you back, I'm gonna haul my ass up to Maine, and I'm gonna be waiting there for you when you get topside."

I feel a bit of relieve hearing Dean will be there for all of them, waiting, ready to help.

"Leech, I'll be there, too" I say and shrug, trying to ignore my worry

"Yeah." Benny agrees "That sounds like a plan." then he hesitates for a second "Dean, just give me a minute"

Benny comes closer to me, his tall fit body hovering me so I tilt my head back to look him at his blue eyes.

"Be careful, okay" I ask him quietly and cup his cheek

"Promise" he chuckles darkly and suddenly leans forward, kissing me – it's deep and emotional, making me lose my breath – and then he pulls away "I wanted to do this for a long time"

I can feel Dean eyeing us but right now I can't care less. Benny took me by surprise and I'm not sure why he kissed me.

"Let's get on with it" Benny says confidently stepping away from me

"You sure about this?" Dean asks

"Not my first rodeo, man." Benny nods firmly

Dean reaches into the Impala and pulls out a machete. He and Benny shake hands and all of a sudden they hug each other – a strong brotherly hug.

"Thank you" Dean says as they pull apart

"Well, come on." Benny snaps "You a wimp?"

I turn my head away; I don't want to see this. But I hear it. And I have to pull all my strength not to let my emotions rule over me. Benny's dead, shot straight to Purgatory.

* * *

I follow the Impala, driving Benny's camper. The drive to Maine is long and I'm grateful I don't have to spend it with Dean. I'm too emotional to act reasonable and it's for the best I'm alone right now, just driving after Dean, trying to calm down and put my feelings into order. Ignoring the nasty feeling of worry, I turn off the radio. Right now even music makes me nervous. I keep telling myself my intuition's wrong and everything's going to be fine.

With a sigh I speed up to catch up with Dean. I feel anger boiling inside me. Once again, it's the Winchesters who are there for Bobby, not his own daughter. I feel betrayed and I'm ashamed. I am the one that's supposed to be there for Bobby but what was I doing? Living my life with Benny, trying to forget about Sam and Dean, the only family I've ever known. Dad will be really disappointed of me. I blink furiously trying to hold back my tears.

After couple of hours Dean and I leave the cars and step into the woods. We need to find the right place so we can meet Sam. The sullen silence between us is so thick it can be cut with a butter knife. I feel he's watching me, but I ignore him as I step among the trees. After a while we find the place. Now all we can do is wait. I lean against a tree and stare blankly in front of me. Dean sits on the ground, his back to another tree not so far from me. I can feel his eyes on me, studying, judging. With a sigh I drop myself to the ground and hug my knees.

Soon it darkens, the trees become mere silhouettes, and without the sun's warm rays, it's cold. I shiver. Then I look at Dean. There are dark circles under his eyes, his skin is pale and he looks so exhausted. He's worried, I know him well enough to read the signs through his stern posture. The anger, the urge to punch him have faded away, replaced by something else. And I am confused because I'm not sure I know what this something else is. I just want to go there hug him, give him comfort and get lost in his embrace. And I'm scared in the same time, this strange feeling of insecurity and the damn butterflies in my stomach. I hiss in irritation and bury my face in my hands.

"You okay?" Dean asks, hesitation in his voice

"I'm fine" I grow through my fingers and sigh; then I look at him with a crook smile "I'm just nervous"

"They'll be back soon" he tries to reassure me

"Yeah, I know. I just…" I shake my head

"What?" Dean insists "Still angry with me?"

I look at him and shake my head. I'm not angry with him, I'm angry with myself because my messed up emotions are the last thing I need right now. Because, as always, when I left the boys, I was guided by my feelings, forgetting about reason. It was stupid decision, taken on a whim. Maybe if I had stayed, I would have come out with a solution that wouldn't force me to choose between Benny and the Winchesters. I can't turn back on my family. But the problem is they are all my family. They are all I have left. I can' lose neither of them. I look Dean straight into his amazing green eyes, ready to give him my answer.

"I'm not angry with you, Dean" I shrug and sigh "I just wish things were different"

'I know…"

Suddenly there's a bright flash of light and Sam is there. Dean and I jump on our feet and rush to him. Dean grabs him into a hug and I smile.

"Okay" I clasp my hands, making the brothers look at me "Let's get this done" Sam turns his eyes to me and I feel something bad has happened in Purgatory. "Keep the bad news for later" I say and motion for him to free Bobby "Finish the trial first"

Sam silently nods and, knife in hand, pulls up his jacket sleeve.

"Solvo haec phantasmata in terram…" he says the incantation, cutting himself in the process "et inde ad olympum"

I stare at him as his arm glows in yellow and red under his skin. Sam holds his arm up and the light, now whitely bluish, rises up into the sky. I smile as I watch my father's soul. In Heaven he'll get his well deserved peace. After couple of seconds it's gone. I sigh. It's done. Sam just finished the second trial. I look at him as he pulls a sheet of paper out of his pocket. I can't see what is written on it but I can bet it's in enochian.

"Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr" Sam reads and suddenly grabs his right hand and falls to his knees, he's in pain

"Sam!" both Dean and I call as we kneel next to him

I see his hand and my eyes widen. It looks like it's burning on the inside, yellow and orange flashing through his skin. Sam tightens his fingers into a fist and the burning light fades. I look over to Dean. He looks as shocked and worried as I feel.

"Sam?" he grabs his brother's shoulder "What? Talk to me! What?!"

"It's okay!" Sam says, still pale from the experienced pain "It's okay. I'm fine. It's done. It's done."

"You sure?" I ask and help him up on his feet and when he nods, I continue "Let's get Benny back then"

"About that…" Sam starts hesitantly and deep down in my heart I know what he's about to say

"No" I shake my head and take a step back "No!"

"What?" Dean insists

"Braeden, I'm so sorry" Sam looks pleadingly at me and then turns to his brother "Dean, look… Benny, uh... He got us out." he explains and I feel tears filling my eyes "A bunch of vamps showed, and he used himself as bait." Sam looks at me, pity in his eyes "I get the feeling that even if that didn't happen, he didn't want to come back, you know? I'm sorry."

"No." I take a deep breath, trying to calm down "No!"

Then I remember the kiss. It's been his way to say goodbye. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. Back then he knew he wouldn't make it back, he had decided not to come back. I inhale sharply, trying to control the waves of emotional pain that are washing over me, one after another. He chose to leave me. I have a headache, feeling as my head is going to explode. I feel sick. I look through teary eyes the boys who are really shocked by my reaction. Hell, I'm surprised by it. I quickly make few steps away from them and lean into two, throwing up, gagging and coughing.

"Hey, hey" Dean quickly holds my hair away and gently rubs my back "Just breathe"

I look at him and I can see the pain all over his face. I can't take it anymore and throw myself on his neck, crying. I feel as he wraps his hands around me, holding me tight. All I can do is let him try to comfort me, whispering soothing words that I'm too upset to understand. I try to suppress my sobs and whimpers but it's pointless. I just can't control myself. Dean gently guides me to the Impala where he puts me in the back seat. He and Sam silently take their seats and we drive off. After a while my tears stop but I feel like a total wreck. The roaring of the engine makes me sleepy and even though I try to fight it, I doze off. The last thought I have before the sleep consumes me completely is that I'll definitely have nightmares.

* * *

 _Okay... how do you like the story so far? Do you hate me for killing off Benny? I did it because he was just standing on the way to getting Dean and Braeden's relationship to the next level, which for me is the end game here. So, please, drop me a review and tell me what you think._


	11. Chapter 11

_Hi, guys, so sorry for the delay of the chapter. It was a tough one to write and I wanted it to be as real as possible. Hope you'll like it :)_

 **Warning:** self-harm and depression, also Braeden's nightmares

* * *

A high pitched scream escapes my lips as I sit in my bed, knife in my hand. It takes me a second or two to realize where I am and that it was just another nightmare. I shut my mouth and force myself to breathe deeply so I can calm myself down. Just seconds later Sam and Dean burst into my room, guns blazing, looking frantically around but not seeing any danger.

"False alarm" Dean states as he puts his gun away

My heart's still bumping loudly in my chest, adrenalin pushing through my veins. I realize my cheeks are wet, I haven't realized I am crying. I look guiltily at the boys. It's the third time this week, waking them up in the middle of the night because I'm screaming in my sleep.

"I'm sorry" I croak as I put the knife back under my pillow "I didn't mean to wake any of you up"

"It's okay" Sam reassures me and heads out of my room, trying to hold a cough "Try to get some rest, Braeden. You need it" and he leaves, coughing echoing through the corridor

Dean is standing in the middle of my room, darting his eyes over the gun on my night stand. My hands are shaking and I curl my fingers into fists trying to calm down. I look up to see Dean, he's still there, looking closely at me. I can see the regret and pity in his eyes, the concern about me and it hurts me even more for causing him and Sam such troubles.

"Come with me" I hear Dean says, he's waiting me patiently at the door

I'm confused but I know he won't leave me alone, not right now. So as I wipe away my tears and try to get a grip of my shattered emotions, I get out of bed and bare footed go to him. He gently puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me to his room. I shiver as we walk the cold corridors of the bunker.

It's been two weeks since Sam released my father's soul. Two weeks since Benny died. And since that day I am a total emotional wreck. I feel exhausted all the time, probably because I barely manage to force myself to eat, and I feel emptiness inside me, my indifference to everything going stronger by day. I just want to be left alone, drowning myself in my grief. I barely managed to call Clara and tell her Benny's dead and that I quit. Dean accompanied me to the apartment Benny and I shared so I could gather my things. It's kind of sad how I managed to put all of my life only into two duffel bags.

I sigh and realize we've almost reached Dean's room. When the boys sheltered me here, I had no desire to study the bunker. I know it's huge and impressive and has a lot of books and god knows what else about the supernatural world, but I don't really care. I don't care about the Men of Letters and their legacy, I don't care how the boys found this place. I have no strength left in me to care about anything…

Dean gently guides me to his bed. The sheets are a mess and he quickly fixes them. He lies and grabbing my hand pulls me next to him. I obediently do as he silently has asked me. He grabs his laptop and turns it on. I furrow my brows, showing slight interest at his actions.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"You'll see" he answers with a smile while putting a disc and then he plays "Game of Thrones"

I cuddle next to his strong warm body. I don't pay much attention to the movie, just trying to keep myself awake because I'm tired of all the nightmares that only got worse after Benny's death. I wrap my arm around Dean's waist and with a sigh I try to forget about all the emotions raging inside me – anger, regret, misery and fear. They are all mixed up in a heavy mass that pulls me down on my knees, drowning me in despair and depression. But now, lying next to Dean I feel a bit better. I feel safe and I trust him. I relax next to him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders protectively. Soon I drift off, peaceful for the first time in a long time.

* * *

I wake up only to find a strong arm wrapped protectively around my waist. I carefully stretch, a smile on my lips as I realize I'm in Dean's bed and this is his hand. I haven't slept so well in ages, no nightmares, no dreams, no nothing – just complete relaxation and rest. I try to sneak out of bed without waking him up but the moment I move his grip on me tightens and I sigh. I turn to face him, he's deeply asleep and looks so peaceful and carefree.

"Dean" I whisper trying to make him let me go "Dean"

"No" he mutters, still asleep and shifts his body, trapping me completely

"Dean, let me go" I gently jab him, trying to free myself

"No" he repeats and I shake his shoulder "Don't go" he mumbles

"Dean" I sternly say and he opens an eye to look at me "Let me go and you can go on sleeping as long as you wish"

He grumbles something under his nose but he's not quite awake yet and I don't understand him. He pulls his hands away from me and I shiver at the loss of his warm embrace.

"What time is it?" he asks and rubs his face as he sits in the bed

"Does it matter?" I ask and head to the door but stop at the threshold and turn to him "Dean, thank you"

"For what?" he sleepily asks, confusion written over his face

"For not leaving me alone last night" I explain "Thank you"

"Anytime" he shrugs

And with this word the little shreds of my good mood disappear. I just nod and storm out of the room, heading to mine. "Anytime" – the word reminds me of Benny and only brings back all the pain. I quickly dress up and suddenly all of my energy is gone. I feel weak, I don't have the strength for absolutely anything. I just want to curl on my bed and disappear, to sink into complete oblivion where no pain can hurt me. I wish all my feelings just to go away. Dean will be expecting me for breakfast. Even though I'm not hungry, I head to the kitchen because I know that if I don't show up Dean will literally drag me there and will make me eat.

I hear voices as I walk down the corridor. Sam and Dean are talking, there's tension in the air and I can feel it even though I still haven't enter the kitchen.

"She's not okay, Sammy" I hear Dean says and I stop walking

"She needs time" Sam answers

"How much more time?" Dean exclaims "It's been two weeks already and she's not getting any better"

"Dean" Sam says with a reasoning tone "For all we know she just lost the man she loved"

I exhale sharply and lean on the wall, covering my mouth, worried that they might have heard me. But they haven't.

"She wasn't that bad after Bobby…" Dean mutters hesitantly

"It was that bad" Sam's voice rises a bit "She just put all of her grief into hunting. This time she doesn't have a purpose. We need to find a way to get her out of this numb state she's in."

I shake my head. They can talk all they want. I just wish they leave me alone with my sorrow. I push myself off the wall and step as noisily as I can so they can hear me before I enter the kitchen. I force a smile and mutter a "good morning" before sitting on a chair opposite of Sam.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Dean asks me but I just shake my head "C'mon, you must eat"

"I'm not hungry" I quietly say, staring in the blank space

I hear Dean sighs deeply but I ignore him. Then he puts in front of me mug of milk and some biscuits. I wrap my fingers around the warm mug and stare at its content. Sam clears his throat. I raise my eyes to see him pushing a newspaper towards me. I don't even look at it. I really don't care what's written there.

"I found us a case" he states and I just look at him, not saying a thing "Dean and I thought we could go check it out"

"Fine" I say and break a little piece of the biscuit and put it in my mouth; it's completely tasteless for me but I force myself to chew it

"Won't you come?" Dean asks but I shake my head

"I'm not in a mood for a hunt"

"Braeden" Sam draws my attention "You haven't left the bunker for two weeks…"

"I said I'm not in a mood" I repeat blankly and with this I stand up and head out of the kitchen.

This time hunting can't save me from the grief.

* * *

I'm walking around the bunker, studying it. I don't know what made me get out of my bed and start wandering around. I feel like shit, weak and exhausted, dumb emotional pain pulsating in my chest with the rate of my heart. I do my best to ignore it and numbness is all I wish for. I go from one room to another, looking through all the stashed things. I really like the library. This place is full of books, researches and hundreds of supernatural items that only God knows what they are used for. When I find the dungeon, my brows furrow. I really didn't expect the Man of Letters had something like that. After all, they were more librarians than something else. Some part of me is curious and I let it guide me. I look closely at the chains and all the symbols around. With a sigh I leave.

The last place my tour takes me is the kitchen. I'm not hungry, yet I feel weak and I know I'll have to eat something. I make myself a sandwich avoiding thinking about anything. It's harder than it seems, my thoughts going back to Benny, then to my father's death, back to Benny and then to the Winchesters who are gone on that hunt Sam found for two days already and have to be soon home. I take a bite from the stupid sandwich, probably there's something wrong with my taste receptors because it's tasteless. I chew it and swallow. I wonder why the boys aren't angry with me for leaving them and going to Benny. I chose a vampire over them. That should mean something to them. But they act so compassionate and understanding that sometimes I wish they just yell at me for being a bitch to them. The melancholic feeling I've been trying to ignore for a long time finally catches me in its claws. The guilt, the pain, the despair, the self-loath… everything rages inside me, making me more miserable and depressed. I just want to curl in my bed and cry myself to sleep. I have no energy, no desire to do anything.

And then I see the kitchen knives, their blades shining under the light of the lamps. I screwed everything up… I was a disappointment… Never there for my father, abandoning the Winchesters… I even didn't manage to help Benny, and since his death I was so selfish, drowning in my own grief I've forgotten about Kevin and Cas… I should have checked on them more often… With a shaking hand I reach and take a knife. It's bad idea, I know it, but my emotions are too strong to pay attention to reasonable arguments. The blade is sharp, I gently put it over my left arm, above the wrist. I press it against my skin and pull. The cut isn't deep, nothing serious actually, but it stings and soon blood starts to drip from it. I make another cut, then one more and one more. I watch as my blood flows down my forearm in complete oblivion. It's strange but the physical pain helps me overcome the emotional. As I stare at my self-inflicted cuts I realize I am more relaxed and all I feel is numbness. And that is better than any kind of pain. I look at the bloodied blade of the knife and all of a sudden I realize what I have done. I throw it in the sink and press my palm against my cuts, rushing to get the first aid kit. I'm sloppy, using only my right hand, but I manage to stop the bleeding and put gauze over the wounds and bandage myself. With an irritated hiss I close the kit. What the hell was I thinking to cut myself? Well, that's the problem – I wasn't thinking, I let my emotions rule me. Again. I shake my head and put the kit back to its place…

Then I hear the bunker's door being opened and heavy steps stomping down the stairs. It's the boys. I quickly pull down my sleeve and force myself to go and welcome them home. Imagine my surprise when I see them all bloodied and covered in bruises and scratches. Worry overtakes me and I rush to them to make sure they're fine. With concern and anxiousness building inside me I quickly grab the aid kit. The possibility of losing them makes me rush frantically to help them, my heart bumping in panic. For the first time since Benny's death I really feel something and my emotions are completely genuine. I can't lose them, not after everything that happened in my life. I can't lose anybody else. I won't let it happen. Sam and Dean, they are all I have left in this world and I won't let anything happen to them. I feel alive, really alive and awaken from a long sleep of numbness and indifference. With determination I haven't felt in a long time I open the kit, ready to patch them up.

* * *

 _So what do you think about the chapter? Please, I'd love to know your opinion, so drop me a review :_ )


	12. Chapter 12

_Hi, guys :) Hope you had a nice week. Here's the next chapter, enjoy :)_

* * *

Dean doesn't let me check on him until I have patched up Sam. The little Winchester has been thrown out through a window and has a lot of little pieces of glass stuck all over his left shoulder and back. I make him sit on one of the chairs in the library and I help him take his jacket and shirt off and then carefully start pulling the glass shreds out of him with pincers. It's pretty bad, he looks like a hedgehog with all of this glass sticking out of him. From time to time he hisses in pain and I tremble – the last thing I want is to hurt him – otherwise he endures the procedure in complete silence. He looks really tired, dark circles around his eyes and his skin is really pale. I hope after a nice sleep he'll recover from the hunt. After eternity of pulling out glass out of his skin, I take the bottle of booze I have prepared and start cleaning the little wounds. He groans in pain when the liquid burns his fresh cuts.

"Sorry" I say "But you'll live"

"I know" he reassures me with a crook smile, trying to suppress a cough "Don't worry"

"But I do" I shake my head and stand in front of him to see his bruised face; there's a cut on his cheek bone "I should've come with you"

"Braeden, look at me" Sam insists and I meet his hazel eyes "This is not your fault"

"But if I had…"

"No" he cuts me off "This is not on you"

"Right" I scowl as I clean his wound "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" Sam immediately agrees

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"What?" he looks puzzled "For what?"

"I left to go help Benny. I just left you and Dean. I bailed on you and acted like a bitch…"

"No, no…" Sam shakes his head "You know what? I get it. I do. He's a... He's a little different from what I thought."

"Really?" I arch my brows trying to suppress my sarcasm and put a plaster on his cheek bone

"Yeah… He's a…" he just shrugs "He means a lot to you and I can't blame you for caring about him"

"Even though he's a vampire?"

"That made me think about Amy. And you were right. I should have trusted you and Dean about Benny. You left because you were trying to protect him, to help him"

"Yeah, I guess" I look at him "I chose him over Dean and you. But he's my family, too. And he really needed help…" I shake my head "I'm so sorry. For everything."

"It's okay" Sam reassures me and pulls me into a bear hug

It takes me by surprise but I relax in his embrace. I close my eyes and hug him back, wrapping my hands around his neck. I wince as my cut arm presses against him. It makes me pull away and realize Dean's not here with us.

"Where's your brother?" I ask, nasty feeling in my stomach

"Probably went for a beer"

He's for a beer. In the kitchen. My eyes widen. In the kitchen, the sink, the bloodied knife I've forgotten about. Damn it! I quickly send Sam to go to bed and he leaves me with a smile. Then I rush into the kitchen only to find Dean holding the knife, the blade still covered in my blood. I stop dead on the threshold, my eyes widened and panic rushing through my veins. Dean's face's stern, his jaw clenched, his eyes shining dangerously.

"Care to explain?" he asks harshly

"I… I…" I stammer trying to come with an explanation but I can't

I look to the ground, I know Dean's disappointed. If Bobby was here, he'd be disappointed of me, too. Hell, if I'm not a big disappointment to everyone. I can't do anything right. I'm pathetic and weak. Everything I've done lately is just… I only cause troubles, making the boys worry about me, as if they don't already have enough worries on their heads. I feel tears filling my eyes and blink furiously trying to hold them back.

"Braeden" Dean's voice is softer now, sounding tired

I raise my eyes and just shake my head.

"I'm sorry" I whisper "It just happened"

"Let me see" he insists so I reach my left arm to him, pulling the sleeve up

"I bandaged it" I mutter

"Have you done this before?" he asks, eyeing me carefully

"No. I never planned this. I just…" I look to him and realize his condition so I pull away my hand from him "We'll talk about this later" I say, all serious, ignoring all of my feelings accept my worry for him "First, I'll patch you up"

"Braeden…" there's a warning in his voice

"Oh, c'mon" I roll my eyes "I'll patch you up, meanwhile we can talk."

I grab the aid kit from the library and go back to the kitchen where I make Dean sit. His lips are split, he has a black eye and by the way he carefully moves around I guess there are more injuries over his body. Then I notice the huge blood stain, that is hard to see due to his dark shirt, on the left side of his ribs.

"What's the damage?" I ask putting the kit on the table, next to him

"Just a cut. Maybe needs stitches" he shrugs and trembles in pain

"Don't move" I order and take scissors and cut his shirt so he won't have to move and try to take it off by himself; it's a nasty wound and he's right – it needs stitches and I kneel next to him

I take the bottle of booze and without any warning just pour it out over his wound.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean curses with a hiss

"Don't be a baby" I cut him off and he chuckles "What?"

"You're so much like Bobby" he says, sad look on his face

"Yeah, right…" I mutter as I thread the needle "I'm his daughter, after all"

I push the needle trough his flesh and Dean trembles. It's a long gash and it's going to take a while to stitch it.

"So about this knife in the sink…" Dean trails off as I continue my work "Did you hurt yourself on purpose?"

"Yes" I sigh knowing he won't just drop it

"Want to talk about it?" he pushes further but I'm my father's daughter

"And what?" I snap "Cry on your shoulder? No, thanks"

Dean shakes his head and I raise my eyes to look at him. His face's dark, serious, and he's wrapped in his thoughts. His brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched in this worried expression I know too well.

"What's wrong?" I ask and go back to my work aware of the fact he'll be as reluctant to talk as I was about my self-harm.

"It's Sam" he says and I can hear the pain in his voice

"What about him?" I furrow my brows

"You haven't noticed?" Dean asks puzzled, hurt of my ignorance

I wasn't myself the last couple of weeks, I want to point out. But that isn't an excuse for my indifference to everything. I furrow my brows, trying to remember everything about Sam. And then it comes to me – he's often coughing, he's looking exhausted all the time, he's pale with dark circle under his eyes, he looks weak…

"Is it because of the trials?" I ask in concern, looking up to Dean

"After the second one he's worse than before." He shakes his head "These trials… they are doing something to him… He almost got himself killed on the last hunt"

"They are making him sick, don't they?" I ask quietly while carefully stitching the gash

"Yes" he sighs and his chest rises

"Don't move, it's almost ready" I snap at him, then offer "Cas might help"

"He said it's even beyond his powers to heal him"

"But he can try" I insist, trying to ignore the worry I feel

Anxiousness is building inside me. I should have been more careful, paying more attention to the boys. If I don't look after them who else's going to do it? For sure it's not going to be them. I clench my jaw. It's my job to take care of them. And for now I have been miserably failing in doing so. It's pointless to underline to Dean that if they've waited for Kevin to first translate all the trials, there was a chance for Sam to be better. It's so in the Winchesters' style to just jump in, without thinking of the outlook of the consequences. It's my fault for not being by their side. I promise myself to do everything I can from now on to protect them and take care for them. After all, they are the only family I have left.

"I'm not even sure where Cas is right now" Dean's words snap me out of my thoughts

"But I do know" I say

"What?" Dean asks in disbelieve "How?"

I quickly explain to him how Cas and Meg showed literally on my doorstep with the angel tablet and that I helped them lay low, but I don't mention where they're hiding. I put the needle away and rise on my feet to bandage the wound. I carefully wrap the roller around his chest.

"So you know where the tablet is, right? And Cas?" Dean asks and his breath tickles me, we're so close to one another

"Cas hid the tablet" I say trying to ignore the fluttering feeling inside me due to Dean's closeness "Only he knows where it is. I made sure of that"

Dean nods in understanding and I realize I have stopped bandaging him and I'm just staring at him. His green eyes are watching me, burning me; I have the feeling his glare can reach down to the very bottom of my soul and I feel exposed. But I don't care. The blood is racing through my veins and all I want to do is just kiss him, wrap my hands around him and take away all his worries. I know how concerned he's for Sam, he feels responsible for his little brother and the fact he doesn't know how to help him is eating him on the inside. He's probably really desperate, not sure what to do. And I want to take that burden off of his shoulders. He's done so much already, he's sacrificed so much, lost so much… And I'll do everything to make sure he won't lose his brother. I bite my lips and look away, not sure what Dean has seen over my face. After all, I'm not good at hiding my emotions. I quickly finish the bandage. It's not the first time I bandage him, but this time is different. Because I'm aware of my feelings for him. And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with them.

"We'll figure it out" I say to fill the silence between us, not daring to look to him, but I feel his gaze on me "I promise."

"Yeah, right…" Dean sighs and stands up

"Dean" I stand up with him, facing him; I cup his stubbly cheek "I mean it."

He leans into my touch, covering my hand with his warm palm. We're so close, his green eyes are piercing me and that fluttering feeling returns. My heart is bumping wildly and I fear he might hear it. I'm so happy to be this close to him and so scared at the same time. The feeling of having a crush on someone… One of the most powerful, yet terrifying emotions ever… We're just standing there, staring at each other in complete silence. His bare chest is mere inches from mine and his strong form is towering me. Dean carefully leans forward, a bit hesitant, and I wish I have the balls to kiss him. But I'm a coward. I quickly pull away and go to the sink, wetting a towel and trying to calm myself down.

"Come here" I call him and when he approaches me I carefully reach, cleaning his face

He closes his eyes and I smile, feeling free to stare at him as much as I want. As I gently clean him I'm careful with his bruised eye and split lips, I don't want to cause him pain. My heart aches for him. If only I could take away all of his pain and worries.

"You're ready" I whisper and he opens his eyes, staring down at me

"Thank you" he quietly says and I smile at him

"You're welcome" I raise on my toes and before I've lost my courage put a quick kiss on his cheek "Good night" I wish him and before he can say a thing, I rush out of the kitchen

* * *

 _I tried to make this chapter all about Braeden reconnecting with the boys and to add more emotions between her and Dean. Drop me a review and tell me how did it work. Wishing you all a nice relaxing weekend_


	13. Chapter 13

_Here's the next chapter, with another delay... really sorry about this. Anyway, I hope you'll like it :)_

* * *

There is a soft knock on my door.

"Come in" I yell from my bed and put my laptop aside

"Hey" Sam enters and closes the door behind him, he staggers a bit "I wanted to talk to you"

"Okay" I shrug and move to make him place to sit on the bed "Sit"

"You're probably going to be mad at me for that but…" Sam starts "I never saw the right moment the last two weeks to give you this" he hands me a paper folded into two

I furrow my brows questioningly at him

"What's this?" I ask confused

"It's from Benny"

"Oh" I'm not sure how I feel about this so I just open the paper

" _Sweetheart,_

 _I can imagine you're really pissed with me right now. And I get it, I do. But I really have to do this. For you, and for me. The last weeks I had the best time ever in my life, thanks to you. But the truth is I never really felt right, I never fit in. Even with you by my side. Purgatory's familiar, I feel right here, pure. Don't grieve for me and don't blame yourself. It's all my decision to make and no matter how much I love you there is nothing you can say or do to change my mind. We both know your heart never belonged to me. But now you're free to follow it. Don't be scared, don't hesitate – go straight to Dean and tell him how you feel. You two deserve to be happy and I wish you all the happiness this crappy world has to offer you._

 _Goodbye, Braeden._

 _With love,_ _your faithful leech_

 _Benny_ "

I feel the tears as they fill my eyes. It's his goodbye letter. It's Benny's way to tell me he's been holding me back, that I'm better off without him. His way of letting me go and telling me I should do the same. Let him go. I bite my lips trying to stop the tears. I remember the first time I saw him. I was grumpy, covered in blood and mud and only God knows what else, all my happiness of finding Cas and Dean in Purgatory faded away at the sight of the vampire. I started calling him leech only to show him I didn't like him and I didn't trust him. It was so until we were attacked by a group of vampires. In the fight I lost my weapon and a vampire knocked me down, her fangs millimeters away from my neck when suddenly she was yanked away from me and I saw Benny decapitating her with no regret. I stood up, still a bit shocked to see who my savior was and before I could thank him, he walked away. It took me everything to admit I was wrong about him. But since then he had my complete trust. Soon the offensive "leech" I used to call him, turned into a pet name and our inside joke. He became a good friend of mine and I knew what Dean saw in him and why he trusted Benny.

A small whimper escapes my lips and I take a deep breath. Sam is patiently waiting for me to calm down. I can see all the regret and pity over his face. And I remember the conversation I heard not so while ago between him and Dean. They believe I was in love with Benny. A chuckle escapes my lips and I take a hold of myself.

"Have you read it?" I ask and point to the letter

"Braeden, I…"

"Have you read it?" I insist and look at him expectantly

"Of course, not" Sam shakes his head

"Then read it" I hand it to him

Sam hesitantly takes it and starts reading. I look closely at him – he looks terrible. Pale, weak, dark circles around his eyes… He's not well. But then he raises his eyes to meet mine. I can see the surprise there.

"Is it true?" he asks in astonishment "What Benny's written… about you and Dean?"

I make a face and rub the bridge of my nose and shrug.

"Yeah, it's true"

"Wow…" he huffs and leans back "But what about the kiss?"

"What kiss?" I ask in confusion, thinking how I gave Dean a quick peck on the cheek before running away

"Dean said you kissed Benny before…" he trails off, not finishing but I know what he's talking about – the goodbye kiss

"Actually Benny kissed me but it doesn't really matter…" I shrug

"It does matter to Dean" Sam raises a brow

"What?..." I ask puzzled and make a face "Why would he care about…" a knock on the door interrupts me; I grab the letter from Sam's hands and after quickly hiding it under my pillow I call "Come in, Dean"

He pushes the door open and sneaks in, holding his phone in hand. He's wearing an old shirt and sweatpants and he looks like he's been asleep and has just got out of bed. Then he sees his brother

"Oh, you're here, too. Good"

"Dean, what's going on?" I ask as I pull the covers closer to me

"Kevin just called me" he rubs the back of his neck "The kid's freaked out. And he's hidden his half of the tablet"

"What?" Sam asks with furrowed brows

"He thinks Crowley knows where he is…" Dean shakes his head "He's so scared, it's just ridiculous…"

I roll my eyes. Sometimes Dean can be a dick, without even realizing it

"What did you tell him?" I ask and cross my arms "That he needs more anxiety meds?" by the look on his face I know that's exactly what he's said to him "Really, Dean?" I huff in irritation and kick the covers off of me "He's just a kid and he needs someone to look after him" I look at Dean sternly

"What?" he asks in confusion and I hear Sam quietly chuckles

"Whatever…" I reach for my phone and dial Kevin's number

"Braeden?" he hesitantly says on the other end of the line

"Hey, kid" I gently smile "I hear you've freaked out, huh?"

"Yeah… something like that…" he says a bit abashed

"You know you can tell me everything, right?" I ask and pay no attention to Dean's raised brows

"It's Crowley" Kevin babbles out, I can hear the panic in his voice

"What about him?" I speak as calmly as possible

"He's in my head!"

"He's…" my eyes widen in surprise

"And you know what this means?" Kevin cuts me off "He knows where I am. That's why I hid the tablet and…"

"Ok, ok… It's fine" I reassure him "You want me to come?" I ask and stand up, only an oversized T-shirt covering my body "I can be there in a few hours if you want"

Sam and Dean look at me, surprise over their faces, as I go through my clothes and throw on my bed pair of jeans, shirt and a bra.

"If it's not a problem…" Kevin sounds unsure

"It's fine, Kev. I'm coming to get you. Just stay put and don't do anything stupid" and I hang up "What?" I ask seeing the Winchesters staring at me

"He's just distressed" Sam points out

"If Crowley was in his head, he'd do something worse than just messing him around" Dean shrugs

"And what if he's right?" I ask while putting on my jeans "What if Crowley's waiting for him to make a mistake and get him? What if he's deliberately messing with him, to make him weak and totally freaked out? This way it'd be easier to get what he wants from him"

The brothers exchange a look and Dean sighs.

"You're not going alone"

"We're coming, too" Sam nods

"You're gonna sit this one out" Dean cuts him off

"What!?" Sam almost shouts in disbelieve and quickly stands up, but he reels

"That's why" Dean gestures him

"But I…"

"Sam" I gently turn to him "Dean's right. You need to rest and recover from the second trial, ok?" when he nods in defeat, I continue "We're just gonna check on him and…" I make a face and turn to Dean "What the hell are we gonna do with him?"

"This is your idea," Dean raises his hands in the air "You figure it out"

"Great" I roll my eyes "We can't leave him there alone, he'll freak out for real. We need to get him somewhere he'll feel safe"

"This" Sam gestures to the bunker "is the safest place we've got. We can move him in here"

"Sounds like a plan" Dean shrugs

I pull the hem of my sleeping T-shirt and look expectantly at the brothers who give me back confused looks. I roll my eyes at them.

"I need to change" I say and pull up more of the shirt, exposing my stomach "Are you staying for the show or what?"

Both of them get these embarrassed faces and quickly leave the room. I find it strange Dean doesn't make a witty comment but… I chuckle while putting the bra and the shirt on.

* * *

"Oh, c'mon" I groan "What's taking him so long? I'm hungry"

"You whine like three years old" Kevin states and leans in the back seat of the Impala

We got Kevin from Garth's boat and quickly left, spending the next couple of hours on the road. Sam called to check on us and tell us he called Garth and asked him to take Mrs Tran to some other safe place and that Garth had already done it. Kevin looked relieved knowing his mother is safe. Then we stopped at a gas station and me and Kevin stayed in the car, while Dean went to pay. I asked him to bring me some snack because I'm starving. But he's there for a while now and I lean forward trying to see if he's coming. A bad feeling starts growing in the pit of my stomach. Everything's quiet, too quiet. We're the only customers at the gas station. Everything seems calm and… I purse my lips and pull out my gun.

"Wow" Kevin exclaims "What's going on?"

Taking another pistol from the glove compartment, I hand it to him. He looks confused and scared. As he should be.

"Stay here" I order him "If I'm not back in five minutes you start the car and get out of here. And call Sam. He'll tell you how to get to the bunker" and with this I step out of the car

As I approach the door I ready my gun and carefully walk in. The cashier's gone and for a second I don't see anyone around. Then I hear the familiar sounds of fight and warily move along the shelves to where the noise comes from. I'm just about to get a peep over the corner when someone grabs me and yanks my gun from my hands. I struggle and kick my attacker, then punch him in the face only to see pair of black eyes staring at me.

"Shit!" I curse and take a step back as the demon approaches me

Then I see Dean, trying to fight off three demons at once – two of them are trying to hold him while the other is ready to beat him. I pull out my angel blade and throw it at one of Dean's attackers, stabbing him in the back. For a second Dean's eyes focus on me and I just shrug as he nods. I get my attention back to the demon, which yanked my gun from me. He's grinning widely. And why wouldn't he? I just threw away the only weapon I had that could hurt him – stupid, stupid move. I take another step back and wait him to get closer. When in my range, I kick him and hit him as hard as possible, hoping he'll lose consciousness. I have no luck so I jump on him again, throwing punches and kicks. Meanwhile I hope Dean has managed to put down the other demons. I risk taking a quick look – he's fighting the remaining two demons… Suddenly I feel how my back hits painfully one of the shells as my attacker uses his demon powers on me. I hit my head and for a second everything is a blur. My body collapses and I fall on my fours when the stupid demon kicks me in the chest and takes away my breath. I choke trying to inhale. Pain rushes through me…

"Braeden!" Dean calls and I can hear the panic in his voice

I manage to raise my head only to see him trying to get to me when one of the demons he's fighting manages to hit him on the back of his head and Dean collapses unconscious on the floor. My attacker lands another kick on me and no matter how hard I try to stand up, I end up on the floor. Barely breathing and with blurred vision, pain all over my body, I manage to see how the three demons gather around Dean's unconscious body. I manage to stand up and pull a knife from my boot, making a face as my chest burns in pain.

"Leave him alone, you bastards!" I scream as I run to them

But before I can reach them, they all disappear, taking Dean with them.

"No!" I scream in anger and land my fist in the shelf, knocking down a couple of bottles

But I'm alone and there's no one who can hear me. This is all my fault… if Dean wasn't distracted by me he'd managed to kill the demons and he was going to be here now… I shake my head, trying to ignore the guilt and the dark thoughts. I have to find him, I have to tell Sam and I have to take Kevin in safety to the bunker. Still dizzy, I head to the car and then it hits me. Kevin! What if the demons were here because of him? I run to the Impala, yanking the door wide open. And there's a loud shot, I feel pain and everything grows dark. I reel as my body hits the ground and that's the last thing I remember before the darkness consumes me.

So... what do you think about this cliffhanger? Drop me a review and tell me :) Wishing you all nice Sunday.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi, guys :) Time for a new chapter, hope you'll like it._

 _Also, want to tell you all that after this chapter I'll take a brake for a while, I'm really falling behind with writing the story and there's so much going on around me that I'm not sure I'll be able to keep the same posting schedule, especially after the last couple of chapter were posted with delays.. So I'll post whenever I can (hopefully often enough) but really no promises. Hope you'll understand :)_

* * *

"Braeden! Oh, my god!" the voice is somehow distant "Braeden!"

I force myself to open my eyes only to see Kevin's panicked face hovering me. I blink a few times, trying to remember what's happened. My left shoulder hurts like a bitch. There's blood, not much but still…

"You shot me!" I growl at Kevin in disbelieve and push him aside so I can sit. "Freaking idiot!"

"Sorry" Kevin offers me an insecure smile "I guess I freaked out a bit"

"Freaked out a bit?" I repeat sarcastically as I push myself up "Give me that gun" and I grab it from his hands "It's not a toy…"

"I didn't recognize you" Kevin defensively says standing up "Where's Dean?"

"Gone" I blankly say and go to the driver's door "Get in!"

"Gone!?" Kevin's worried voice follows me as I slide in the car and adjust the seat so I can reach the car pedals "What do you mean gone?"

"Demons got him" I don't look at him while he takes the shotgun seat

"What!? How?" Kevin starts to hyperventilate

"Hey!" I shake him with my good arm "Look at me!" when he does, I continue "Take a deep breath, good. Now, listen." I start the car and drive down the road, speeding to get to the bunker as fast as possible "They got him alive which means they need him for something. They'll keep him alive. That gives us time to get him out. He's a Winchester. He'll survive this."

I'm not sure for whom I'm saying this - for me to calm my anxiousness or for Kevin. The Asian boy nods and then asks

"How's your shoulder?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." I answer, trying to ignore the stinging tentacles of pain that rush through my shot shoulder down to my fingers "Sam 'll patch me up when we get home"

The rest of the trip we spend in silence. My shoulder hurts and I still feel dizzy but I force myself to focus on the road. Kevin doses off after some time. I speed up down the road. The sooner we get to the bunker, the better chance for coming with a good plan to save Dean. Then I realize that Dean's phone has to be with him. So if Crowley's the one who's got him, I'll be able to talk to him. An idea forms in my head and after couple of minutes I've got a plan. All I have to find out now is what the demons want from Dean. I dial his number.

"Hello, darling" a voice with British accent answers almost immediately

"Crowley" I hiss in anger "Where's he?"

"Squirrel's here and he's fine… For now"

"What do you want?" I growl as I stay focused on the road ahead

And he tells me. Panic rushes through me, I'm worried about Dean and I force myself to think straight – I can't let my emotions cloud my judgment, not now when the stake is so high. It's bad but I find a quick solution - the only plan that for sure will get Dean safe out of Crowley's hands. I cast a glance at Kevin but he's asleep so I bravely make my offer to Crowley and I'm not surprised when the King of Hell accepts it. Later he'll text me the time and location where we'll make the exchange.

* * *

"Charlie!" I exclaim in surprise as I see the red-headed woman sitting in the library next to Sam

I haven't seen her since she helped us with getting the demon tablet and I'm surprised to see her here. I know Sam and Dean have met her on a LARP games while investigating a case during the time I was away with Benny. I wonder what she's doing here. Kevin hesitantly follows me down the steps, looking curiously around. Sam furrows his brows seeing only the two of us.

"Where's Dean?"

"Crowley has him" I simply say

"What?" he stands up so quickly he almost knocks down his chair "What happened?"

"Demons came and got him"

"You just let them…"

"Careful, Winchester!" I say dangerously low "Do you really think I didn't put a fight?"

He's taken aback with my response and he mumbles something apologetically. I wave him off and go to greet Charlie, trying to ignore my worry.

"What are you doing here, girl?" I ask with a smile

"I was in the neighborhood so I stopped by" she says and hugs me but as she wraps her hands around me I flinch "You okay?" she asks and I see Kevin cringes a little

"I got shot" I decide to spare the kid the embarrassment of telling who shot me

"Let me see" Sam insists

The next ten minutes we spend in patching me up and discussing what we should do. Kevin listens carefully but does not intervene. I can tell Charlie likes Kevin and he's a bit taken aback by her lively and cheerful nature.

"Why would Crowley want Dean?" Charlie asks while bandaging my shoulder

"He wants me" I lie without blinking, feeling a bit uncomfortable being only with my jeans and bra on around Sam and Kevin, but I've been half naked around Sam so many times when I needed patching that I really don't care…

"What?" Sam exclaims

"I mean he needs something Booby had and he sent the demons after me but somehow they got Dean"

"So what are we gonna do?" Charlie looks at me and pats me on the back giving me a sign the bandage is ready

"We'll give him what he wants" I shrug and pain shoots through my shoulder as I put clean shirt on "It's some stupid old book my Dad had. It's not a big deal…"

"Braeden" Sam's tone is the one he uses when he tries to reason someone "If the King of Hell wants this book, then for sure it's a big deal"

"He's right, you know" Kevin intervenes for the first time

"Do you have better idea?" I snap "And I already talked to Crowley"

"You what?" Sam shouts "Are you crazy? When?"

"Right after he got Dean. He'll text me where to meet him. We're giving him the book, he lets Dean go. That's the deal."

"This book" Charlie starts "What's it about?"

"I don't remember really…" I shrug "It's an old book my old man had for forever. But Crowley said it's the only copy and he needs it. If that's the price for getting Dean back, I'm more than willing to pay it."

"Right…" Sam frowns "Well, you know where we stashed Bobby's stuff so…"

"I'll go get the book" I state and head out.

I roll my eyes at myself. Now I have to find some really old book so Sam and Charlie won't ask questions. I really hate lying to them but I know that otherwise they won't agree on my plan. It's really stupid plan, but it's the only one I've got that I know will work for sure. Everything else is uncertain and I can't risk it. Not with Dean's life on the line. Because I have no delusions – if it goes to this Crowley will kill him without second thought. I push aside all my worries and concerns, doing my best to ignore the anxiousness I feel and I start going through all the boxes that we managed to save from the fire that destroyed my home. There are a lot of things here. I start pulling books and papers out looking for something that looks really old…

"Hey" Charlie shows on the door about half an hour later

"Hi" I greet her from my spot on the floor where I'm sitting surrounded by supernatural folklore, books and files.

"How's it going?"

"Slowly" I shrug "But I think I found it" I hand her an old ancient looking book in Greek about minotaurs

She doesn't bother to open it and I secretly sigh in relief. I'm not sure how I'll explain the pictures in it. I notice Charlie's staring at me.

"What?" I arch my brows

"You're up to something" she calmly states and for a second I'm not sure how to respond

"Yeah, I'm up to saving Dean"

Charlie narrows her eyes but then she just waves it off.

"When he gets back you should talk to him" she cautiously states

"Really? What for?"

"Last time I saw him… we talked and he… he really missed you" she shrugs but I know there's something more to her words, I just can't figure it out

"It wasn't my fault" I make a face "Okay… maybe it was but… I don't get it, what's your point?"

"He cares about you more than you think"

I furrow my brows, puzzled.

"What's that supposed to…" in that moment my phone buzzes with a text and I look at it - it's from Crowley "Sorry, gotta go" I murmur and, grabbing the book, I run out of the room to find Sam - we have to go.

* * *

The warehouse looks abandoned. No demons are to be seen around. It's suspicious enough so I manage to send Sam to the back to check if it's a trap. The moment his tall figure hides behind the corner of the building, I jump out of the car, holding the book tight and march to the door. I quickly enter only to see Crowley in the middle of the room, Dean next to him with tied hands and cloth over his mouth. He looks fine and I sigh in relief.

"Crowley" I say

"Braeden, it's a pleasure, darling" he half smiles at me

"Let Dean go" I demand "Then you'll get what you want"

Dean angrily grumbles something but I can't understand him. Crowley pushes him ahead and the hunter stumbles, casting the demon angry look. But he comes to me. I can see how tensed he is. I don't know how much he knows of the deal I struck with Crowley but since he's coming to me voluntarily, he probably doesn't know much.

"You okay?" I ask him and gently cup his cheek, he rolls his eyes and I chuckle "Good" I nod at him "Trust me on this one, okay" and I raise on my toes kissing his cheek and sliding a knife in his hands "Wait for me to get to Crowley" I whisper to him and he silently nods, I can see the thousand questions in his eyes

But he trusts me and he'll do as I asked him to. I faintly smile at him and I can see the hesitation growing in his eyes. I quickly walk to Crowley, muttering under my nose only for the demon to hear me.

"Let's get out of here before they realize what's happening"

"Fine with me, darling" he says, snickering

I turn to see Dean freeing himself from the ropes bounding his hands. I feel Crowley's hand on my shoulder. Dean manages to remove the cloth from his mouth. Our gazes meet and I see how his green eyes widen when he realizes what I'm doing.

"Braeden!" his worried and angry yell is the last thing I hear before Crowley takes us to…

I look around. It looks like a dungeon from some video game. It's cold and it smells funny. There's a huge chair on a platform on the other end of the room. Crowley heads to it. There are couple of demons that quickly move out of his way, fear and respect in their motions.

"Where are we?" I ask as I look around the gloomy room

"Welcome to Hell, darling" he says taking the few steps to the chair and once he's seated he looks at me expectantly "Now, keep your part of the deal. Tell me where's the angel tablet"

I smile at him, a chuckle escapes my lips.

"It's hidden" I state and look at him firmly "I told you I have information about it but I never promised to share it with you"

"Is that so?" he leans forward in his chair, anger glowing in his eyes "One way or another, you'll talk" he says, threat obvious in his British accented voice

"We'll see" I shrug and smile all-knowingly at him spreading my hands mockingly "Bring it on" I provoke him.

And with this I know I just signed my sentence of permanent torture from here to eternity, until they get what they want from me. And it all begins immediately.

* * *

 _I know you'll probably hate me for not being able to post on schedule after this cliffhanger but I promise to update as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I'll be happy to know what you think about the last chapter so drop me a review and have a nice weekend! :)_


	15. Chapter 15

_Hi, guys! :) I know it's been too long since the last time I updated, longer than I thought it'd be, and I really sorry about that. There're so many things going on around me and it's really hard to find time and desire to write. But I promise to finish this story (otherwise there's great possibility my friend M. to kill me :D ) and I'll try to update more often, even to go back to my regular posting schedule, but we'll see._

 _Anyway, I hope you'll like the new chapter. :) And huge thanks to Lexi about her review - I hope you didn't give up on the story because of the huge delay in updating it and I hope you'll enjoy the development. :)_

 **Warning:** violence and torture

* * *

Loud cry of pain echoes through the empty room. I can't recognize my own voice anymore. The pain is unbearable, tearing me apart, conquering my body and destroying it from the inside. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, I can barely breathe, every inhale causing me unimaginably strong pain, my throat is sore from so much screaming and crying. I'm thirsty, my lips are split, swollen and so cracked I can feel the taste of blood in my mouth. I feel too weak even to try to move even though I feel my body numb. I have no strength even to try how well tied up I am to the cold metal table.

The demon, torturing me, hovers over me with a vicious smile holding the bloody knife for me to see it. I'm in so much pain it's hard to tell which part of my body he's tormenting right now.

"You know…" I say with a shaky breath "You're sticking this in all the wrong places…" and I cry as he carves it in my ribs, I choke out blood and manage to put a smile on my lips "Tell me… is this making you feel more like a man?" he stabs me again and my scream echoes through the room

"Crowley wants to know everything" the demon calmly states, inspecting carefully the blade he's holding "So why don't you give up on your stubbornness and tell me what he wants? It'll be easier for you that way. Less… painful."

"Oh, bite me!" I growl at him and spit blood in his face

He slowly wipes it away, his face remaining calm but I can tell he's angry with me. Good. I smile at him. Messing around with my torturer is the only variety in my time, filled with the monotony of pain and agony.

"Suit yourself" the demon shrugs and again uses his knife on me

I scream and cry, I don't care how loud I shout and curse. It hurts and this is the only way to ease the pain a little. In the beginning I promised myself to not show them my pain. And I managed to keep my promise for a while. The demon cut, carved and stabbed, molesting my body and for a long time I didn't make a sound. But as time passed by and he got more and more creative with all the sharp objects he had on his little trolley with torture instruments, getting to know my body and what hurt me the most, something in me broke and the screams started leaving my lips. I don't know for how long I'm here, for how long this son of a bitch is torturing me. Sometimes he leaves me alone and comes later with new determination to make me talk. I just laugh at his face. He'll never make me talk. I was in Purgatory, I tortured dozens of demons to get there and pain doesn't scare me. I know I can resist it, I can take it all. As long as I know Sam and Dean are safe and away from harm, there's nothing that I can't take. Dean is safe and that's the most important thing. This thought keeps me from losing my mind, from braking down.

I feel painfully well how the demon carves the blade inside me, twisting it and pushing further… My nerves are aching, my head gets dizzy, my vision blurs… I can feel how blood is draining down from my wounds making little red pools on the floor. Everything hurts, every part of my body is in pain. The cold air is hitting my naked body but my skin is so heated that I don't feel it. I have a fever… The demon Crowley sent to torture me looks at me with a grim face… Darkness envelopes me and I pass out.

* * *

Ice cold water showers me and I take a deep breath, coughing and gagging. The same demon, the same tools in his hands as he leaves the empty bucket on the floor…

"Rise and shine" he says wickedly with a vicious grin across his face

I just glare at him. I don't know how much time I was unconscious. But what I don't feel is pain. Which means the demon cured me so he can start all over again. I carefully stretch my body, trying to move a little, but the bondage is really secured.

"Don't bother, darling" a well-known voice says "Trevor's real good at what he's doing"

"Crowley" I hiss and turn my head trying to see him "Here for the show?"

The King of Hell slowly enters the field of my vision. He's all smug, looks calm and enjoying himself. I almost believe he's carefree. But my gut tells me he's here for a reason. Something's bothering him and he believes I have the answers to his problems.

"I stopped by to see you" Crowley smiled "You might have changed your mind"

"Your precious Trevor don't inform you often enough or what?" I arch my brows

"What are the Winchesters up to?" Crowley ignores my words and asks his question

"I've got no idea what you're talking about" I innocently say

"They killed my hound, they released your lovely Daddy…" Crowley now seems frustrated, almost yelling

"Careful with the blood pressure, darling" I mock at him "Man on your age…" but I don't get to finish because he stabs me in the abdomen, twisting the knife

I clench my teeth, trying not to cry in pain. It seems as eternity has passed by before he pulls the blade out. I gasp in pain, trying to breathe steadily. Shallow breaths, minimal movement of the muscles…

"Where's Kevin?" Crowley tries with another question

"Kevin? Kevin who?" I ask breathlessly, seeing in delight as Crowley's face grows red "You choke on something or what? You look like…"

With angry yell, Crowley digs the knife in me again. I shiver as the blade sinks in my flesh, tearing me. And the game continues. He asks questions, I am a smartass; he carves in me, causing cries of pain and it all start all over again. Every nerve is burning in immeasurable agony, lightnings of pain shoot through my body as Crowley plays on doctor, trying to figure it out what exactly will make me lose my tongue. At some point my sarcastic answers and mocking behavior just disappear. I have no strength left in me to play smartass. I feel how my blood is dripping down from every wound, gash and cut. Crowley's good, every touch of his causes pain, every brush against my skin sends waves of pure agony through me. I'm so hurt and sore I don't even scream anymore. My throat hurts, I barely manage to breathe, every inhale and exhale causes me pain. I feel weak and really tired, I can barely hear the questions Crowley yells in my face… What are Sam and Dean doing? Where is Kevin? What happened to the angel tablet? Where's Castiel? Where the Winchesters hide? Who else helps them? Where's the other half of the demon tablet? My vision is blurred, I can feel the blade carving in my flesh, inflicting more wounds, making the blood flow faster… I see blood drops all over Crowley's face, his suit is ruined… That's when I see it… There, in the inside pocket of his jacket… The half of the demon tablet… the one Kevin needs to figure out all the trials… I blink furiously, trying to ignore the luring darkness that's trying to cover me.

"Why did they kill my hellhound?" Crowley hisses in my face

I just stare blankly at him, not able even to talk anymore. The pain is overwhelming, clouding all my senses. Everything starts and ends with it. My body is a boneless mess that hurts so much, tears are streaming down my face. There's not enough air, I can't breathe… I pant as I try to inhale, then I realize I don't feel my body – no pain, no nothing, just scary numbness and I just relax back on the cold table, giving up. Darkness grows around me, enveloping me in cozy warmth, my vision blurs and everything becomes black. The last thing I see is Crowley's angry face.

* * *

I blink as I try to focus my eyes on my surroundings. There's a strange noise, very familiar but I can't recognize it… Silhouettes, still too blurred for me to see them clear, are quickly moving around me, there are yells, cries, shouts and thuds. I shake my head trying to clear my vision. Pain shoots through me. I pull my hands only for my movements to be stopped by the straps, but my legs are free… I look around, alerted from what's happening around me – there's a fight, for what I can say angels have invaded the room, killing methodically every demon who steps on their way. I see how Crowley stabs an angel and his wings braze on the wall behind its owner but then another angel manages to grab the tablet from Crowley's inside pocket and before the demon can do something, the angel disappears.

Suddenly a figure hovers over me, a bloody angel blade in its hands. It's an angel, who with a swift move cuts the straps holding me to the table.

"Come with me" he says and helps me to stand up

My body hurts, every movement causes me pain but I force myself to do as I'm told. I don't know why angels are here to help me and if it's better to stay here, in Crowley's torture hall or to go with them, but I know I have no choice. If I resist, they'll just use brutal force on me and take me wherever they want. There's no point of struggling. With heavy sigh I cast my legs over the table edge and stand up… only for my legs to bend under my weight and if it wasn't the steady hand of the angel, I was going to fall. I can't even feel embarrassed for my clumsiness or my naked body. The moment he puts a tight grip on me, the angel yells to his comrades.

"I've got the girl!"

And all of a sudden we're in a nice room with a huge bed in the middle. I carefully look around and see an open door leading to a bathroom. Then I notice the underwear and the clothes on the bed. I look up to the angel who brought me here.

"Where are we?" I inquire, still relying on his grip to stand upright – I'm that weak

He looks down at me and silently presses two fingers to my forehead. The pain decreases to bearable irritating feeling. I look down to my body – all the wounds are closed, even though they are still healing. I wonder why he didn't cure them completely but push the question aside.

"Thanks" I say to the angel

"Get ready" he simply says "She's waiting for you"

Before I can ask anything, he vanishes. Stupid angels. I shake my head and slowly head to the bathroom, impressed how luxurious it looks. It takes me more time than I think to take a shower and to rub off all the dirt and dried blood off of me because I feel weak and dizzy. But at least I slake my thirst, drinking as much water as I want. I envelope my body with a soft towel and carefully enter the bedroom. It's so nice to feel something different touching my skin than cold torturous metal and blades. My body still hurts but it's bearable. Then I see a tray on the bedside table with sandwiches and bottle of beer. I raise my brows. How the fuck do they know what I like? I shake my head and sit on the bed, taking a huge bite of the sandwich. It's so nice to taste food again. I don't rush eating everything because I know I'll get sick if I eat it at once. I dress up, surprised that the underwear and the clothes are exactly my size, even when I've lost couple of pounds during my stay with Crowley. I sigh and look around. I know something's off. I can feel it in my gut. All of this is too good to be true.

As I chew another bite of the sandwich I wonder about Sam and Dean… If they are okay? If Sam's feeling better, if they are looking for me… They probably are, but this here isn't their doing. If it was, I was going to be with them right now…

An angel shows out of nowhere and makes me jump, ready to fight. Realizing there's no treat, for now, I relax and shrug apologetically.

"Follow me" he says and leads me down to blinding white corridors with numerous doors with names and year tags on them.

I can't stop wondering where the hell I am. It's no good… I've got really bad feeling about all of this. The angel stops in front of a glass door and holds it open for me. I enter into a spacious office in white. Behind a white desk sits a woman with bright blue eyes and brown hair, tied into a bun. She looks really sophisticated in her suit. There's a welcoming smile playing on her lips. But the look in her eyes… I don't buy this hospitality; something in her looks puts me on the edge. Then my eyes dart over the desk surface, immediately seeing the half of the demon tablet that used to be in Crowley's possession. When I enter the bright office, the woman stands and her smile grows.

"Braeden Singer, so nice to finally meet you" she motions for me to sit in the white chair in front of her desk "My name's Naomi."

"Shit!"

* * *

 _So how do you like the new chapter? What do you think about this development? Drop me a review and tell me :) And have a nice weekend_


	16. Chapter 16

_Hello, my darlings! I'm so sorry for not being able to update more often. I'll do my best to fix this but no promises. Here's the next chapter and I hope you'll like it. :)_

 _Thanks to deadone1013 for the reviews. It's nice and refreshing to hear a different opinion. I hope you won't get dissapointed from Braeden's feeling for Dean and the following development :)_

* * *

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I tense as I wait for Naomi to react on my curses. I'm so screwed. From being tortured from the King of Hell, I get myself to probable, most likely brainwash from the Mistress of Heaven. Out of the frying pan into the fire, as they say. I'm not sure what's worse – Crowley or Naomi. At least I know what to expect from the demon. But this hypocrite of an angel… I wonder how she found me and what she wants with me. All I can do is wait and see.

"Don't be all prejudice." Naomi softly smiles at me "I just want to help"

"Help?" I laugh at her "As you helped Cas? He almost killed Dean because of you"

"Oh, no…" Naomi shakes her head with worried face "Castiel is confused and he needs help"

"From you?" I sarcastically ask, I don't trust her, not after what she did to Cas

"Who else he can rely on but his brothers and sisters?" Naomi shrugs gently "We are his family and he needs to come home"

"So you can brainwash him again? To make him your obedient little puppy?"

"Angels follow orders." Naomi almost hisses in irritation

"And whose orders do you follow?" I arch my brows in sarcasm

"I… serve… Heaven" her lips become thin discontent line and as I roll my eyes she continues "I just want to keep the angel tablet save."

"Oh, believe me it's safe. Safe from Crowley and safe from you and your kind"

"My kind?" she looks genuinely surprised

"Yeah, treacherous winged douchebags" I look around ignoring her frustration with me, playing it curious and cool "Which reminds me… We're in Heaven, right? I'm supposed to be dead to be here, but sure as hell I know I'm still kicking… So, how's this possible?"

Naomi leans back in her white chair and a smug smile plays on her lips

"The perks of being… well, me" she slowly says

"Right" I make a face at her "Now tell me why did you put so much effort to get me here? Why did you send your little obedient soldiers to save me from Crowley? Actually, how did you find me at all?"

"I have my means, Ms Singer" she coldly responds "And you're here because I want you here."

"Why on Earth would you need me?" I let an unamused laugh

"You know where Castiel is" Naomi states and when I open my mouth to contradict, she raises her hand "No, don't bother to deny." Her eyes are piercing me, cold and demanding "Tell me where he is."

"No." I simply say

"No?" she asks almost in disbelieve but her eyes give her away – she has expected this answer from me "Do you know what I can do to you?" she asks

"Is that a threat?" I intentionally avoid her eyes and examine my fingernails "'Cause I'm not scared"

"You should be" her voice is low, radiating menace

"Really?" I mock at her "You just got me out of Hell. What could you, angels, possibly do to me that can beat what Crowley already did?"

"Oh, trust me" Naomi's smile grows but I see her anger "A lot" and with this she curls her fingers in fist and pulls down her arm

I feel how every wound left on my body opens again and starts bleeding. A muffled cry escapes my lips as I bend into two and find myself on my fours on the floor in front of her desk. The pain is unbearable, I feel how my organs twist inside me, burning and twitching. Blood flows in my mouth and I spit a red spot on the white carpet. I groan in pain, it hurts damn too much. At least now I know why they didn't heal my wounds completely – so it would be easy for them to torture me. I see Naomi's heels as she stands up and comes in front of me. I am so tempted to spit more blood on her shoes but another wave of pain crushes my body and I curl on the floor.

"Where are Castiel and the tablet?" Naomi demands and the amount of pain I feel decreases

"Bite me" I growl

The pain becomes stronger and I do my best not to shout. Naomi's a bitch, I know that. But she's really stupid, if she believes pain will make me chatty. But sure as hell pain makes me mouthy. And Naomi definitely doesn't like it. After a while I just give up and let my pain pour into cries of suffering, my mocking for the angel long ago forgotten. At least now I know how every single person or demon I once tortured felt. I don't know how long it is since Naomi started this… all my world is shrunk down to the enormous amount of pain every nerve of my body feels. My throat is sore from so much screaming. After what seems ages Naomi stops, looking at me in disgust and anger. Two angels enter her office and she gives them a sign to get me out of here.

"You're stubborn. And loyal" she admits "I respect that. I'm giving you time to think where your loyalty should lie. Because at stake is the existence of the whole world." Naomi crosses her arms as the two angels raise me on my feet "You're tough, I give you that. But remember this – one way or another, I will break you"

I cast her a glance full of mockery. I smile wildly and feel blood dripping down my chin.

"I wish you luck" I spit at her before the angels take me to the same room as before

As they leave me bleeding and in pain on the floor, I realize that the amount of hurt I feel, decreases. I quickly pull the hem of my shirt up and I see how my wounds slowly disappear. After couple of seconds the only evidence for my torture are my bloodied clothes. I shake my head and rise on my feet. Nothing hurts me and it's so nice to stretch my body with no pain to stop me from doing it. I quickly toss the bloodied tank top, jeans and underwear on the floor and entered the bathroom.

The water is nicely warm and washes all the dried blood away. As I wash my hair I wonder why Naomi gives me these little treasures. Maybe she tries to bribe me with them. I laugh at the thought. It's ridiculous. There is nothing that could make me tell her what she wants. But for now I can enjoy the little things I have. When I walk out of the bathroom I see clean clothes on the bed and tray with food on the bedside table. I shrug and quickly dry myself, and then I put the clothes on and attack the food. Ten minutes later I start to feel really tired, all I want to do is lay on the bed and sleep. But the moment I turn off the lights the nightmares come back, more scary and vivid than ever.

* * *

"Good morning, Ms Singer" Naomi flashes me a smile "Did you sleep well?"

"Like a baby" I smile even more fake than her, we both know I'm lying, but I'll bite off my own hand before admitting this to her

"Good" she nods in understanding "Please, sit" she makes a generous gesture to the chair in front of her desk and looks to the angel who escorted me to here "Leave us. We've got a lot to talk about"

"Really?" I arch sarcastically my brows and roll my eyes at her, then I see the tablet is still on her desk

"Have you considered what we talked about?" she asks, ignoring my comment

"Of course I have" I flash her a smile that quickly fades when I add "I'm not telling you a shit"

"I see" she nods, a thoughtful expression on her face, then she looks at me and claps her hands "Let's see if I can change that"

I clench my jaw. Something tells me this is going to be worse than anything I have ever faced before. Something in the way her eyes shine tells me she has something special on her mind for me. This wasn't good. Fear and anxiousness are building inside me. Pain I can endure, but the fact that something unknown awaits me, sends me on the edge. Naomi looks at me sternly, at least she doesn't look as she's going to enjoy what's coming. She snaps her fingers.

All of a sudden the chair I'm sitting on disappears and I fall on the floor. I yelp in surprise. I shake my head and look around as I notice my surroundings have changed. I cringe as I realize where I am. Not that it is possible, but still… I'm home. The house from the inside looks exactly as it was before the leviathans burned it. Everything looks and feels so real, I forget just seconds ago I was in Naomi's office. I stand up and go into the living room only to see the lamp on the desk is on and Bobby's behind it, looking through some lore book.

"Dad" I whisper disbelievingly; happiness is bubbling inside me and all I want to do is just go and hug him

He raises his head and his face changes in stern, almost angry mask.

"Braeden, you idjit, what the hell are you doing here?" he stands up and goes around the desk, I can tell he's really angry; I have never seen him in such rage, not even when we had our fights or when he found out Dean sold his soul for Sam…

Bobby strides to me and irrational fear rises in me. He's my father, he'll never hurt me. But I take a step back. He looks really intimidating.

"Dad?" I hesitantly call for him

"Dad?!" he exclaims in pure rage "Dad?! You don't get to call me that. Not after the disappointment you turned out to be. Your mother would be ashamed of you. Hell, I'm ashamed of you…"

"I…" I shake my head, wide eyed; his words hurt me more than anything that Crowley or Naomi ever did to me, but I realize I can't speak "Wh…" he grabs my hair and pulls me towards him and I cry in surprise

"You're sorry excuse of a daughter. I wish you were never born!" his voice is so full of anger and disappointment…

And then he punches me, I'm so shocked I can't comprehend what's happening. It's already too late, he hits me and pushes me around, yelling at me how useless I am, what burden I have always been for him, how he can't stand me… Hits, punches, kicks, insults, the ugly names he calls me… I take it, everything… I can't fight back, he's my father and no matter what, I love him. I'm curled on the floor, doing my best to protect my head and my ribs, I can barely breathe and everything hurts me…

All of a sudden I find myself in Naomi's office, sitting in the chair in front of her desk. I take in heavy breaths, trying to calm myself down. There's an expectant look on the angel's face. I realize she's been messing with my head and that this was never my father, but hallucination she planted in my mind. Really vivid and real hallucination, but still only that and nothing more. I exhale sharply and look at her in anger.

"My answer to all of your questions is still NO" I almost yell at her

Her face turns grim, as if my refusal saddens her. I don't buy it. She's remorseless bitch.

"I'm really sorry to hear that, Braeden" she says quietly "I wish you don't make me do this…"

"Yeah, right..." I bark at her but she has already snapped her fingers.

And so it begins. It's so well thought it gives me creeps. Naomi has found my weak spot – the people I love and care about. At least she's not threatening their lives in the real world. What she does consumes all my emotional strength, my mind is fighting the hallucinations she sends me but they seem and feel so real… What happened with Bobby, happens over and over and over and over again… the only difference is that instead of Bobby, one time it's Dean, the next is Sam… even Ellen and Jo – the closest mother and sister figures I had in my life... They are all angry and disgust with me, telling me one and same thing – what a disappointment I am, how I'm useless, pathetic excuse of a hunter and huge disappointment, what burden I am to them all, really bad daughter, how selfish I am, abomination for even considering a relationship with a vampire, how because of me a lot of people are dead – Bobby, Ash, Ellen, Jo… that I got them killed, no one can love me because I ruin everything I touch, I screw up everything… And they hate me for this, they don't want to have anything in common with me, they don't want me in their lives, they all wish I was dead…

From one hallucination to another, I can't tell what's real anymore. My mind jumps from one nightmare to another, I try to fight it, to defend myself from all the accusations the people I love throw at my face, to tell them how much I care about them, how much I'm sorry, but I can't, I can't talk - I can only stand and listen to them, tears silently streaming down my face… who knows, maybe they're right after all. And when they decide their verbal torture is not enough, the beatings start, and I can't fight back, I can't force myself to hurt them, so I just let them rage on me with all their anger until I wish I am really dead. For good.

Once in a while someone pushes me into the room with the fancy bathroom and the nice bed and I get some sleep, but my dreams are haunted by horrific memories. Then another nightmare starts and I face Sam or Dean, or Jo and Ellen, or Kevin and Charlie… From time to time I see Naomi's face, her concerned look, she asks me questions and I want to tell her, she acts so well – gives me food and lets me get some rest, protects me from the horrible nightmares, she's so nice to me and I want to tell her everything I know… but something stops me, the strange feeling in my guts that's constantly telling me I can't trust her… But what if she's just another hallucination that doesn't exist… My vision blurs and I furiously blink trying to clear it, Naomi yells at me and suddenly I find myself screaming at her

"They're closing the Gates of Hell!" I cry out

Naomi's face gets this smug look and I realize I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I look at her defiantly but she's deep in thought. Then she murmurs something really quietly, but I hear her and I freeze in shock. This can't be true! I must warn the boys! I must tell them… Naomi sees my determination and now Jo is in front of me so I quickly forget what Naomi has said. Jo is accusing me of her death, that I was not good enough to save her, that I should have died, not her… and I cry as I wish to tell her that I know all that, that I wish I took her place… This time Jo is really hard on me, the beating escalates to new levels of violence and every part of my body hurts, I can barely move. Then Bobby comes to me, telling me what pitiful excuse of a daughter I am… and I know he's right and I try to tell him that… and all I could think is I don't want him to beat me again. I'm not sure if I can take it…

Suddenly I'm back in Naomi's office. I shake my head, the mist covering my mind disappears. I feel exhausted and dazed… and beaten up. I realize that the injuries Jo caused me are real and all over my body. And I'm in pain, my head is pulsating, it hurts me when I breathe and my lips are split. And that's just the beginning... There are yells and thuds and I look around, seeing two figures fighting in front of the glass door of Naomi's office. Naomi rushes to her desk, drawing out an angel sword. A body is thrown against the glass door and it shatters into pieces with a loud jingle as the body flies through it and lands on the floor with an angel sword stuck in the chest. I quickly turn around to see who walks over the dead angel. The owner of the dark jeans and kickass black leather jacket flashes me a bright smile. Her hair is back to its original color – dark brown and she looks so smug and self-content.

"Meg!?" I say in total disbelieve "What are you doing here?"

"I came to rescue you, of course"

* * *

 _So, guys, what do you think? Did you like this development? Drop me a review and tell me. :) Wishing you all a nice weekend and till next time (which I really hope to be soon). :)_


	17. Chapter 17

_Hi, guys! How's been your week? Mine for sure was busy and interesting. :) deadone1013, thaks for all the reviews :) So, here's the new chapter and I hope you'll аll enjoy it. :)_

* * *

"Well, c'mon!" Meg motions for me to come to her "I don't have all day!"

I push myself out of the chair the very same moment an angel appears behind her

"Watch out!" I warn her and she dodges and twists her body avoiding the blade.

As they fight I quickly look back to Naomi. I feel weak and dizzy. Our eyes meet and mine dart over her desk, spotting the half tablet. She realizes what I have seen and throws herself for it in the same time as me. Everything hurts as our bodies collide. Naomi drops the angel blade, trying to yank the tablet from me but I hold it tight. I stagger back getting as far as possible from her. Meg is still struggling with the other angel. Naomi follows me, determination written all over her stern face. I walk around her desk trying to avoid her maneuvers and I find myself near the blade she dropped just seconds ago. She notices it, too. I want to kill this angel bitch. Anger floods me and I know I'll do everything I can to put her down. For everything she's done. For what she did to Cas and for what she's been doing to the angels for years – manipulating them and controlling them, robbing them from their free will and capability of making decisions. And I want her dead for what she did to me. I really, really want her dead. I quickly reach for the blade and Naomi jumps over the desk, knocking me down on the floor. I close my fist around the cold handle of the blade as Naomi falls on me, taking my breath away. She clutches on the tablet with one hand while with her free hand tries to take away the blade. I gather all the strength I have left and kick her, pushing her aside. The very next moment the blade sinks into her chest as I twist it and push it further. All I feel is satisfaction and I smile wildly at her. Naomi freezes, her eyes widened in surprise as huge bloody spot appears on her shirt. Then she's all gone, her body dropping dead over me. With a hiss of pain I roll her off of me and manage to stand up, holding both the tablet and the blade. I see how Meg stabs the other angel and his body collapses on the floor.

"Now can we go?" the demon asks and comes quickly to me, grabbing my hand.

In the next moment I'm in the middle of an unfamiliar room. I quickly look around, it's a motel room. Sam and Dean both jump out of surprise and rush to me and Meg.

"Braeden!" Dean wraps his arms around me and I feel how my legs go weak and he manages to catch me before I fall, the blade and the tablet slip through my fingers…

I feel dizzier than before, more tired. All I want to do is sleep… darkness is surrounding me as my vision blurs. I feel how he gently puts me on the bed. Everything hurts me and I quietly cry as I inhale too deeply. I try to relax my body so I can give up to sleep, but Dean's voice stops me.

"Hey, Braeden, c'mon, stay with me" I force myself to open my eyes "Look at me, good. Stay awake" Dean's green eyes are full of worry "We need Cas…"

"No" I quietly cry and cause him to look at me in confusion "Don't call him" I manage to say with hoarse voice "He has to lay low… Meg can help…" I look pleadingly to the demon and she rolls her eyes on me

"Now you trust me, Beauty?" she asks as she pushes Dean away and sits next to me

I don't answer her. I don't know why she saved my ass but I know I owe her. And that I trust her enough. More than ever before. She's real and that is a comforting thought. Her presence proves me this is not another hallucination.

"Thanks to Crowley ruling Hell my powers are limited" Meg warns as she checks my injuries "I'm not sure how much I can help"

I just slightly shrug. Everything is going to be helpful, especially after my whole body is in pain. I notice how Sam and Dean's eyes widen as they see all the injuries and scars over my body. But I'm too tired and feel weak and really dirty. Suddenly the pain starts to decrease, I feel how my flesh heels, my ribs don't hurt me anymore and I can breathe freely. I push myself up and sit. I feel much better.

"Thank you" I say to Meg and I really do mean it

"Don't mention it, darling" the demon mocks, rolls her eyes and stands up

I slide my legs to the floor but the moment I try to stand up, everything starts to spin around and blur. Dean and Sam yelp in surprise and rush to me but Meg is faster.

"Whoa! Careful, Beauty" she grabs my hand and manages to steady me

"You need to rest" Dean states and I can see the concern written all over his face

"I'm fine" I say as I cautiously head to the bathroom

"You're not" Sam contradicts me "Dean's right, Braeden. You really need to rest."

"What I need is a shower" I snap at him "And something to eat, I'm starving. That's what I need. Then you can tell me what has happened while I was gone." And with this I march to the bathroom, closing the door behind me

With a sigh I close the toilet lid and sit on it. I feel exhausted. I hide my face in my palms and try to relax. Then I hear the voice through the closed door.

"Why didn't you fix her up completely?" Dean asks, accusation in his voice

"She'll survive a bruised eye and a split lips" Meg snaps "What she wasn't going to survive was almost punctured lungs, broken ribs, concussion and contused internal organs… Now I suggest you two go grab some food and I'll keep an eye on her while you're gone"

I hear steps, rustle of clothes, clattering of the Impala keys…

"I want pizza" Meg states loudly and I wonder since when demons eat

"Fine" I hear Sam sighs deeply, then I hear the door being closed

I sigh. What am I doing? I can't hide here forever. I look around – beige tiles, mirror over the sink, nice bath…

"I know you're not taking a shower" I hear Meg's voice "I'm coming in" and before I know it she enters the bathroom "Wow" she raises her brows seeing me "Pitying yourself, Beauty?"

"Stop calling me like that" I snarl at her and slowly stand up

"Why?" she half smiles at me as she starts to pull my clothes "You're weak, you need help" she cuts me off before I could say a word "So shut up and let me help you. I sent Moose and Squirrel away, so they won't disturb us" the demon calmly states as she sets the water running and the tub starts filling.

I undress slowly, not caring that the demon's going to see me naked. This is so insignificant comparing to what happened to me in Crowley's and Naomi's hands that I really don't care. I carefully step in the tub and relax my body. Meg reaches and helps me wash my hair.

"Why are you doing this, Meg?" I ask as she applies shampoo

"Because Clarence has bad influence on me" she seriously says but I can hear the irony in her smug voice

I chuckle. I never have expected that the demon and the angel would fall head over hills for one another. They are living together for really long time and obviously they get along pretty well. I really don't want to think what they do with that plenty of free time they have. I wash away the shampoo of my hair and start cleaning my body. It's nice to feel clean again but it reminds me of Naomi and… I shake my head and push these thoughts away.

"So, Beauty… where's your Beast?" Meg smiles at me "Did Dean-o…" I stiffen at her words and look at her angrily and with warning so she quietly exclaims "Wow… What happened?"

"We needed him to go to Purgatory. He chose not to come back" I state as I stand up, water splashing around me because of my sudden movement.

"He's dead?" Meg arches her brows and shakes her head "Who could tell the fairytale would end bad…"

I clench my jaw and silently wrap a towel around my body. I carefully head to the room, Meg follows me, ready to steady me if my legs go weak again. I realize I have nothing to wear. The clothes I was with when Meg brought me here are bloodied and dirty. I see Dean's duffel and with a sigh go through his things looking for something I can wear. I pull out pair of boxers and black t-shirt and quickly put them on. Tiredly, I sit on the bed. I feel clean, refreshed and a little better.

"Give me that" Meg pulls away the towel from my hands and starts drying my hair.

In that moment the door opens and Sam and Dean come in, holding boxes of pizza and six pack beer. Dean eyes me with concern, Sam looks curiously at me and Meg. Both of them keep it quiet but I can feel Dean's eyes roaming up and down my body and I shiver. Thankfully, he doesn't comment my choice of clothes. Finally, my hair is dry enough so I climb in the bed and pull the covers around me. Dean hands me some pizza and I immediately take a bite, it's so, so good to taste something else than the sandwiches the angels gave me. The others sit around me, taking their food and beers.

"So…" I start mouthful "Someone will fill me in or what? How did you find me…"

Meg undisturbingly is eating her pizza so I don't expect answer from her. Dean face gets this stern serious mask and Sam shifts on his place.

"We had luck" the young Winchester says "We did everything we could to find you. We summoned demons, tortured them for information, even Cas tried to locate you but…"

"You couldn't find me" I finish instead of him and shrug – it's not a surprise, after all I was in Hell, and then in Heaven

"We got a demon a couple of days ago while…" Sam hesitates and I see guilt in his eyes

"You were working on a case" I state, it's not a question

"Braeden…" Sam pleadingly starts but I cut him off all serious

"No, I get it" I say and I mean it "I really do." I nod at the brothers who look surprised "You got no leads. Better go and hunt some monster than stay and do nothing. I understand that." I shrug and take a bite from my pizza and hum in appreciation "This is really good" I sigh while chewing "So, the demon?" I ask

"He told us that a week ago angels managed to get down to Hell and take some very important prisoner from Crowley. Human prisoner, not a soul, but someone alive." Sam explains

"I can imagine how well Crowley took that" I smirk and Meg chuckles

"We figured it out it was you. So we needed a plan to get to you." Sam tilted his head

"How did you sneak Meg into Heaven?" I look at the demon curiously

"My unicorn pulled some old contacts" she shrugs "Not all angels liked this Naomi, so they helped"

"Where's the tablet?" I suddenly ask, worried I don't remember what happened to it

"Relax" Dean points me to the table and there I see the half of the tablet

I exhale in relieve and get all comfortable in the bed. I feel sleepy and soon I doze off, the rumbling of Meg and the boys' voices in the background calms me down. I cuddle in the blankets and the sleep consumes me.

* * *

I wake up with a gasp. I quickly sit up and look around, it's dark and for a second or two I'm completely disorientated. I had a nightmare but I can't remember it. My panicked heart bumping frantically and the fear crawling down my spine force me to do something. I quickly jump out of the bed but trip over something; I fall on the floor with a loud thud. A groan comes from the other end of the room and a silhouette rises. I freeze in shock and fear, not sure what to do.

"Braeden?" a sleepy voice says

I know this voice too well. I woke him up. He'll be pissed… God, why Naomi chose Dean again? Why it should be him, from all the people she could chose to torment me, she picked him – the only person that in the real world makes me feel safe is the one who's going to beat the crap out of me… Then I see the door next to me and with a whimper I crawl to it and close it behind me, making sure it's locked. I sit on the floor and lean on the door expecting Dean. I know that this won't save me for long and he'll be even more pissed for running away from him but I can't… I just can't force myself to take all the threats, insults and hits without doing anything. Everything is too real and I just can't fight it anymore…

A soft knock on the door startles me and I let a shocked squeak. I crawl back to the sink, looking at the door in complete horror.

"Braeden?" Dean's voice is still sleepy but I can hear the concern "Are you okay?"

There's something different this time, I realize. He doesn't sound angry, there's no raging, no violent pounding on the door, no demands to unlock and get out… I rise on my feet and slowly approach the door. This is real… Dean's just worried about me. I hesitantly reach for the lock… and another soft knock, followed by

"Braeden" Dean gently calls me… and I realize I'm safe "Are you…"

I swiftly unlock and yank the door open, Dean's surprised face meeting me. I throw myself on his neck and hug him. After a second of stupor, he wraps his hands around me. _I'm safe. Naomi's dead. Meg saved me_. I repeat these three sentences in my mind like a mantra. Finally I realize with complete strength that nor Crowley, or Naomi can hurt me. It's strange… but it feels good.

"Are you okay?" Dean gently asks

"I will be" I answer him, hiding my face in his chest, trying to get a hold of all the emotions, raging inside me

"You had a nightmare?" he asks again and when I nod, he continues "Why did you run to the bathroom?"

I can't tell him that I thought he was going to hurt me. I can't tell him how Naomi found a way to get to me. I can't tell him that it's hard for me to tell what's real and what's not…

"I… I just needed a moment alone" I say hoping he won't ask further questions

"Come here" he pulls me towards the bed and lays me down, and then he climbs on the bed and pulls me to his chest, pulling the blanket over us

I smile. This is my Dean. He would never hurt me. Never. I wrap a hand around his waist as his hands sneak around me. I'm enveloped by his strong body. I'm safe. With a relieved sigh I relax and soon I drift off. I hope that when the morning comes I will be able to separate the real world from Naomi's hallucinations.

* * *

 _What do you think about this development? Drop me a review and tell me. :) Have a nice weekend and till next time_


	18. Chapter 18

_Hey, guys :) How's been your week? Did you watch the last episode?_  
 _Anyway, here's the new chapter and huge thaks to deadone1013 for the review :)_

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I look hideous. If after coming back from Purgatory I was a mess, now I'm complete terror. I stare in my reflection in the mirror and wonder how comes I look so bad? I look like a dead man who just walked out of his grave. My skin is so pale, whiter than the tiles in the bathroom. I have huge dark circles around my eyes that look more like bruises. I've lost a lot of weight and look more like a fucking skeleton. That's what happens to your body when you've been tortured for three weeks by the King of Hell and then by the Mistress of Heaven. My eyes are piercing me form the mirror and I sigh. I took after Dad – blue eyes, brown hair but there's nothing of his spirit and strength in the tormented reflection in front of me. I look defeated, ill, exhausted… just like Sam, actually.

I walk out of the bathroom and head to the kitchen, I need coffee. As I enter, I see Sam on the table, reading a newspaper. I greet him and take a mug, secretly looking at him. The trials don't affect him well. Still, he looks better than me. Dean walks in as I add sugar and milk to my coffee. I take my mug and head to the table, wanting to sit next to Sam. I haven't managed to make even a step when it hits me. My last nightmare. But it's not just a dream, it's a memory. And it hits me hard… Naomi's words echo through my mind, mixed with all the hallucinations she gave me…

 _"_ _He won't survive the trials" she mutters quietly to herself but I hear her "When he finishes them, he'll die. One Winchester down…"_

I'm frozen, pure panic and fear racing through me. I look at Dean, terrified by what I have remembered, his green eyes focused on me in concern. The mug slips through my numb fingers and shatters noisily on the floor. This takes me out of my stupor. I broke it, I made a mess, they'll be mad at me… I quickly kneel and start collecting the pieces, there's coffee and milk everywhere.

"Sorry, sorry" I mumble "I'm so sorry, it won't happen again. Sorry, I'll clean it up and… Sorry…"

One of the pieces digs in my palm and cuts me. I yelp quietly in surprise but continue picking what's left of the broken mug. I can't risk making them even angrier or they'll beat me up. I know I'm useless and pathetic and a burden but I don't want them to say it to me again… so I continue apologizing…

A hand reaches and covers mine. I look up and see it's Dean. Only then I realize where I am. _I'm safe. Naomi's dead. Meg saved me._

"It's just a mug, Braeden" Dean calmly states "Don't worry about it" he gently holds my shoulders and makes me stand up

He guides me to the bin where I drop the pieces of the mug and then leads me down the hall. I try to protest but he hushes me, telling me Sam will clean. We enter his room and he makes me sit on his bed. Dean pulls an aid kit and carefully examines my palm. I obediently wait for him to do what he thinks is the best. I shake my head; I lost connection to the reality again. This is bad. It's been a week since Meg saved my ass but my mind still plays me tricks. And the only thing I found out that helps me is Meg. She was never in the hallucinations, so she is real. I even called Cas asking to talk to her a couple of times – it helped me get myself together and not give in to the hallucinations my mind kept reminding me of. Naomi, even dead, still has her hands on me. I have to shake her off. I can't go on like this. It's the third time the memory of the hallucinations terrors me and makes me act unreasonably. I silently watch as Dean bandages my palm. He's brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched. He looks worried and I know he'll try talk to me. Sam already did, telling me I acted stupid, surrendering myself to Crowley. I silently stood there, listening to his lecture. Sam asked if I wanted to talk about what had happened to me but I stubbornly told him it was in the past. I know I'm wrong but I'm a hunter. Hunters don't get scared, they don't live in their nightmares. They just get over it and keep going. That's exactly what I have to do. To find a way to keep going. Dean looks at me and sighs deeply. His eyes are piercing me, his hands are gently resting on my hurt palm. And then he asks the inevitable question

"What the hell did she do to you?"

"Not much" I shrug and seeing his disbelieve I add "But it was enough."

"Enough?"

"To keep messing with my mind" I say and quickly stand up "I don't really wanna talk about it" and before he could say something I leave the room

I have to find Kevin, so I head to the library. It's pure luck he hasn't translated the third trial, especially now, when he's got the whole tablet. I find him buried in his notes, staring intensively at the tablet and writing down. He doesn't notice me, even when I take the chair next to his and sit.

"Kev?" I call him and with a surprise he raises his head "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Yeah, sure" he leans back in his chair

He looks much better than when he was living on that boat. Kevin has a healthy look and the dark circles around his eyes are gone. I look around cautiously, but Dean and Sam are nowhere to be seen. My actions don't escape Kevin's sight and he tenses.

"Have you found out what's the third trial?" I ask quietly

"No, why…"

"You need to stop looking for this" I state and lean forward

"What?! Are you crazy!?" he exclaims, confusion written all over his face "We're talking about closing the Gates of Hell!"

"Keep your voice down!" I hiss at him and look around again, but we haven't drawn any attention, we're still alone

"How can you ask me that?" Kevin scowls at me in disbelieve and offend

"Look…" I start "I know what all of this means to you but…"

"But what?" he snaps at me

"Sam will die" I say and he freezes "If he finishes the trials, he'll die"

"What?!" Dean voice makes me jump in my seat and I see him just a couple of steps away from us, I haven't heard him come in; he looks worried and angry all in the same time "How would you know?" I can hear the accusation in his tone

"Naomi told me" I simply reply

"'Cause she's so reliable source…" Kevin rolls his eyes

"Guys, please…" I look at them pleadingly "I know what I'm talking about"

"Yeah, says the girl who freaked out over a broken mug" Dean crosses his hands "And admitted her head is a mess"

Seeing their faces I realize they don't believe me. They think I'm delusional. I don't blame them, I've been acting all weird since I came back. I see the concern in Dean's eyes, he cares enough to listen to me but he's not sure if he can trust my words. I realize the only way to make them believe me is to tell them everything. So with a sigh I do tell them. I tell them everything, how Crowley tortured me but Naomi was worse, how she played with my mind, driving me crazy, not able to separate reality from hallucination, how she questioned me… I tell them everything. Kevin looks terrified, sympathy written all over his face, I can see the pity, too. But I don't care as long as they believe me. Dean's face is a stern mask, completely unreadable for me.

"Dean, I know what I heard" I insist

"It could have been just another hallucination" he just refuses to accept it

"Do you know what the hallucinations were?" I sharply ask and when he shakes his head I continue "It was you, or Sam telling me nasty things, how unworthy I am, what a burden I am, how useless…" I take a breath, Dean's face is pale, it pictures pure shock and disbelieve "Charlie, Kevin, Ellen, Jo… even Bobby… she used all of you against me. And when you were done with the insults the beating started. Everything was so real, so vivid… and every wound you caused me was real… I don't know how Naomi did it, but…" I shake my head "You want to know how I remind myself everything's over? By calling Meg, talking to her. Because she never was in these hallucinations and I know she's real. That helps me realize that you are real, too. That I'm… that I'm safe and you're my Dean and you would never hurt me." Dean looks so shaken, so lost and I can't tell how well he takes what I'm telling him but I continue "But there's one more thing that was never in the hallucinations and I knew it was real. It was Naomi herself. So I know what I heard. And I know it was real. So, please, please, believe me when I' telling you this – if Sam finishes the trials, he'll die"

Dean comes to me and much to my surprise hugs me. I let myself get lost in the sensation of his body pressed to mine, his hands wrapped tightly around me.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers "So sorry you had to go through all of this" his embrace is warm and safe and I relax in his arms

"So you believe me?" I bashfully ask

"Of course, I do" I feel how he plants a kiss on my temple "I believe you. I need to talk to Sam" he says and releases me, heading out to look for his brother

"Send him to me after that" I say "I bet he'll have questions" Dean nods and leaves

"Wow…" Kevin shakes his head "So far with closing these bastards forever"

"Sorry, Kev" I sit next to him "I know what this meant for you"

"Yeah… Well, it doesn't matter now, does it?" and he stands up and heads to his room

The poor kid, all his hopes were crushed. He'll never be completely free from Crowley. He'll spend the rest of his life hiding from the King of Hell. And that's no way of living…

* * *

There's a soft knock and the door opens, Sam's head popping up.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure" I smile at him and put away my laptop

I look at him as he approaches the bed. He's pale and he's got circles under his hazel eyes and he looks tired but remembering my reflection in the mirror this morning I notice he looks better than me. The look on his face tells me he's frustrated.

"You talked to Dean?" I ask as he sits on the bed next to me

"Yeah…"

"And?"

"Well, I'm not happy about it"

"I can see that" I sarcastically say

"It's just…" he huffs and looks directly to me "It felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to mend all the bad and now…"

He looks lost and confused. He's not sure what he's supposed to do. I know how much he wanted to close the Gates. How much he wanted to do this good to the world. And knowing him he probably wanted it even more because of all the mistakes he's done in his life. He believes that closing the Gates would redeem his past sins. If he can only understand…

"It's not worth it, Sam" I gently state "Dean and I… we care about you and there's no way in the world we let you do this…"

"Isn't it up to me to decide this?" I can hear the edge in his tone

"You're still here" I point out "Which means you don't wanna die. Because you see hope and light at the end of the tunnel…"

"Have you talked to Dean about this?" Sam looks at me with furrowed brows

"No" I shake my head "I just know you well enough." I chuckle at the face he makes "You're my best friend, Sam. And I know why you wanted to close the Gates so badly…"

"Really?" there's a mock in his voice, he's challenging me

"Really." I nod all serious "It's because you believe this is the best way to redeem yourself"

His shocked face changes with grim expression and I know I'm right. He feels like he failed the world, choosing to live and not finish the trials. But sometimes it's not bad to be selfish. And I know that, so does he. Still, he's upset. So I do the only thing I know will calm him down – I hug him.

"You're a good man, Sam Winchester" I seriously say "Don't you ever doubt that. Even for a second"

I feel as he nods against my shoulder and after couple of more seconds I let him go. Then it occurs to me, there's a question I want to ask him.

"Sam…" I hesitantly start and this gets me his full attention "Did Dean tell you… about Naomi? What she…" I huff and quickly spill it out "What she did to me?"

"He mentioned it…" Sam nods and I see regret in his eyes

"How…" I rethink my question and try again "When Lucifer was… when the wall Death put was broken… how… how did you manage to say what is real and what is not?"

"Oh…" Sam exhales sharply "I didn't always knew the difference… but when I did, the truth is… it was in the little things. It started with the wound on my palm. Every time Lucifer showed up I pressed my palm and he was gone… But with you I think it's different, right?" he asks gently "It's not just one person who you try to push out… You try to figure out if everything around you is real…"

"Yeah, that's kinda problem" I purse my lips "But…" then I see his worried expression and I wave my hand "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine"

"Braeden…"

"No, really" I insist "I'm all better now… which can't be said for Sarah Johnson."

"What? Who?" Sam's completely confused and I smirk, knowing my little plan to distract him has worked

I take my laptop and show him what I've found.

"It's a case" I smile widely at him while he reads the article "We should definitely check it"

"Are you sure…" he hesitates for a second "if it's a good idea for you to come?"

"Why not?" I shrug "It's a distraction" I say and get up, starting to pack my things "And if I freak out, you can always…"

"It's not funny, Braeden" Sam scowls at me

"Yeah, it is" I stick my tongue at him "And you never let me finish, so you can't know" I smile at him "Go tell Dean. I'll wait you in the library in twenty." I wink at him as he leaves my room "And tell your brother my coming is not negotiable. I'm coming, like it or not."

* * *

 _Please drop me a review and tell me what you think :) Happy Sunday and till next week_


	19. Chapter 19

_Hey, guys! :) Ready for a new chapter? It's really shorter than usual but I still hope you'll like it :)_  
 _deadone1013, thanks for your review and don't worry so much about Cas - Dean will rescue him, I'm sure of it._

* * *

Having a case brought us all back in our old tracks, in the familiar rhythm of the hunt. And it kept the bad thoughts out of my mind because I had something to be focused on, my concentration and devotion to their maximum levels. I didn't have any more episodes, as I call the time I confuse reality with the hallucinations Naomi gave me. I was better, I was more lively and cheerful, the case really made me forget all the horrible experience form my captivity. Sam and Dean weren't acting any different from before and I was grateful, I need normal right now. As normal as a hunter's life can be.

From the beginning of this hunt it was clear it was a ghost. But it took us about three days to figure it out why it was killing its victims, why it was choosing them and who it was, and then to find the grave. Now here we are, ready to dig it up.

"Give it back, Dean!" I insist stubbornly as I reach for the shovel in his hands

It's dark but the moon is shining brightly in the sky. The graveyard is sunk in silence, deep shadows around the tombstones and the trees. The only thing that can be heard are Dean and mine voices while arguing who's going to dig. I want to, it's been too long since the last time I had done something useful and I'm eager to do so. But Dean's been arguing with me for the last five minutes and I'm not sure why he's so reluctant to let me help Sam with the digging. Probably, knowing him, he's concern I'm too weak and I need more time to heal completely. But I feel perfect, no matter that I still haven't gain the lost weight and that I don't sleep well at all, like not sleep at all. But he doesn't need to know that. After all, I really do feel fine and I need to do this. For myself.

"Give me that, Dean" I repeat and shorten the distance between us

"No way" he says stubbornly and takes a step back

"Oh, c'mon!" I groan and grab the handle and pull it towards me but Dean doesn't let go "Damn it!"

Instead he pulls back and I find myself pressed against him, our faces inches away as he's looking me with a grin playing on his lips, mischievous sparkles in his eyes. As I try to push him away I realize that he's way stronger than me and there's a huge possibility to find myself on my ass on the ground in his feet.

"Let go!" Dean tries to make me let the handle and we wrestle

"No!" I twist it, trying to yank it from his hands "Give it to me!" Dean manages to corner me between himself and a tombstone

We're too close to each other, our bodies pressed against each other. I tilt my head to see his face. There's some gentle, unreadable expression I can't quite understand because I've never seen it before on his face. I bite my lips, trying to ignore the fluttering in my stomach and the urge I feel to kiss him. His remarkable green eyes has locked mine and I just can't look away, losing myself in this emerald orbs. I notice that the shovel handle is between us, our hands on it but none of us is trying to take it. So I take my chance and grin widely. But Dean realizes what I'm about to do and twists a millisecond before my knee drives into his groin so I miss. He laughs and pulls the handle but I don't let it go so I just fly after it due to Dean's strength and I squeak in surprise.

"Dean" Sam's irritated voice makes me think he's giving us his bitchface "Just give her the damn shovel and for god's sake both of you stop acting like five year olds!"

"Yeah, Dean" I pout and come as close to him as possible only to tease him "You heard him, give me the shovel"

With a sigh Dean reluctantly lets me take the shovel and I smile cheekily at him.

"Don't pout" I say to him with a smile, raising on my toes and putting a kiss on his cheek "You can always man the flashlight" and I go next to Sam, starting to dig

"Oh, c'mon!" Dean groans as his brother chuckles "It's been years, can't you just drop this already!"

"No" Sam and I say simultaneously which only makes us laugh harder

"That's not funny" Dean states as he shines the flashlight so we can see what we're doing

"Yes, it is" I contradict him as I push the shovel into the ground

It turns out my body has forgotten what's it like to dig a grave, how much effort it takes and soon I take off my jacket and continue digging, ignoring Dean's witty comments as he watches me and Sam dig. I secretly cast glances at the younger Winchester. He looks better, stronger, the color's back to his skin, the dark circles around his eyes disappeared. And he doesn't seem to be tired of the digging. I smile, happy to know he's recovering. That's thanks to Cas… and Meg who he sends twice a day to visit us and patch up Sam's injuries caused by the trials. Meg's demon powers help Sam and this is all Dean and I need to let her do it. And I trust her, more than ever before, especially after she got me out from Naomi. Dean's still skeptical to her change of heart but I'm not. She and Cas… they're in love… and love can change everybody, even a demon.

About half an hour later the grave is dug and Dean helps me and Sam to get out of the hole we've made. Soon salt and kerosene are poured over the corpse. Dean hands me a match. I'm just about to light it up, when I notice how cold it is. I frantically look around while trying to light up the match. Before I realize what's going on, my body is thrown against one of the tombstones. My left side collides with the cold stone and sharp pain that takes away my breath rushes through me. Vague and frayed figure appears, yelling in anger. Wind blows out of nowhere. The ghost goes after Sam pushing a hand into his chest, blind in its rage for me and Dean. I growl in anger because I've dropped the match and have no idea where to look for it. On my fours, ignoring the pain as best as I can, I frantically look around for it. There's a shot, Dean has fired his gun, the salt causing the ghost to disappear. I manage to get up and run towards the grave, looking for the damn match. A second later the ghost, angrier than before, is back, right in front of me. Damn thing! I try to step back but before I can its cold hand reaches through my chest and starts crushing my heart. I scream, the pain is unbearable. Sam runs towards us with a metal knife in his hand but the ghost backhands him and he is thrown against the nearest tombstone. All of a sudden the ghost is enveloped in flames and disappears in painful shriek. I collapse on the ground, the fire that Dean has managed to set in the grave radiates heat. As I take a deep breath I see Dean trying to decide who he should help first – me or his brother. Sam groans as he tries to push himself up and before Dean can say a word I tell him with hoarse voice.

"Go help Sam" I slowly stand up and inhale freely "I'm fine"

I see the relief that washes Dean's face as I made the decision for him and I smile. I know him too well and I know he'll be worried sick until he checks if Sam's all right. I always admired their brotherly love. They usually show it in banter and bad jokes and insults but it's so clear they care so much for one another. I remember what Benny told me – that I was scared Dean would choose Sam over me… How stupid I was… Of course he would, Dean will always put Sam first. It's part of who he is and I wonder why it takes me so long to realize that… I understand him, I know what it's like to care so much about someone that you're really ready on anything for them. And I accept that. I know how responsible Dean feels for his brother, how much he loves him and I know he sees it as his job to look after Sam, even now, when they are both all grown up men. I'm okay with all of this, I accept the overprotective big brother who's ready on anything for his little brother. Their relationship is stronger than anything and I'm glad for them, happy they can always count on each other. If otherwise, they wouldn't be the men I care about. Otherwise Dean wouldn't be the man I love. I look at them with tender in my heart and shake my head, trying to concentrate so I start putting the guns, shovels, the kerosene and the salt in the duffel bag.

"You okay?" Dean asks as he and Sam approach me

"Yep" I nod even though my left side pulsates in pain

"Good" Sam smiles at me

"Let's go hit a bar" Dean enthusiastically suggests and takes the duffel from me

"Fine with me" I grin widely "We deserve it for a job well done"

Sam shakes his head with a smile and follows us to the Impala.

* * *

 _So what do you think about this short chapter? And about the cover image - that's how Braeden looks like in my head :D Drop me a review and tell me your opinion! Happy weekend and till next time :)_


	20. Chapter 20

_Hi, darlings! How's been your week? Probably busy and exhausting, like mine. Well, here's the new chapter that I hope will raise a bit your spirits :) Enjoy!_  
 _deadone1013 thanks for the review and be patient, the kiss is slowly comming :D_

* * *

It's noisy and overcrowded, the music is loud and a lot of people are dancing. Dean's at the bar, chatting with the bartender – busty, blonde haired vision of long legs and tiny waist. She says something that makes Dean laugh and I scoff and roll my eyes. She's positioned herself in such a way that the hunter has direct view to her cleavage.

"If looks could kill…" Sam comments over his beer, trying to hide his smile, and I arch my brows at him, scowling

"Oh, shut up!" I warn him and take a huge sip of my beer, doing my best not to look at Dean's direction

My left side is numb, the pain slowly decreases as I continue to drink. Maybe I just have to get wasted. I look back at Dean and bite my lower lip. Then the bartender bends over the bar and he kisses her. I quickly look away. This is not something I want to witness. I take another sip of my beer. Part of me is dying, seeing him making out with someone else. But there is nothing I can do about it. This is a free country and he's a free man. Free to choose whoever he wishes to spend the night with. I might be in love with him but this doesn't mean he feels the same. And I have no right to blame him for wanting to have some fun. I huff in irritation.

"Why don't you just talk to him?" Sam asks but when he sees the dirty look on my face he decides to keep it quiet

If I want to, there are plenty of distractions around. And by distractions I mean men. But the problem is no one catches my eye. I stare at one man or another, but the need to go and flirt with them never appears. They are not ugly, quite the opposite – there are couple of attractive guys here. They even wink at me and provoke me to go there and talk with them. I just don't want to – and the only problem is they are not Dean. I sigh and finish my beer, then order another one. Sam and I sit in silence, sipping of our drinks. Then a thought creeps in my mind and I have to ask.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" he answers but he looks distracted, as his mind is somewhere else

"Remember when you read Benny's letter and we talked about how I kissed him?"

"Yeah. What about it?" now I have Sam's full attention

"I said it hadn't meant anything." I furrow my brows at the memory "And you said it had for Dean…" I look at him "What did you mean? Why would he care?"

Sam sighs deeply and his eyes dart to his brother who's occupied with the bartender. Then Sam looks back at me. He's all serious, dark and sad expression over his face.

"Remember your prom date?" he asks and I look at him confused

Bobby insisted for me to have proper education, so I obediently graduated high school but I never had big dreams as Sam for college. All I ever wanted was to hunt, it was in my blood, in the way I grew up. It was everything I knew and a normal life never appealed to me. So I wonder what my prom date has to do with me and Dean… especially after he cheated on me.

"Ryan?" I ask in disgust "What about this piece of shit?"

"Bobby saw him as your way out" Sam explains and seeing my confusion, continues "Your way out of the hunting. Everybody knew how much head over hills you were for him so Bobby hoped he'd manage to get you out of the business, that you could start a normal apple pie life with him…"

"That's ridiculous!" I exclaim "I never wanted to quit hunting, I never wanted a normal life…"

"Bobby realized that a bit later…" Sam nods "But he wanted the best for you. So when he found out Dean wanted to ask you out, to be your prom date…"

"What?!" I stare at Sam in disbelieve "He wanted… what!?"

"He kinda had a crush on you" Sam tilts his head and takes a sip of his beer "But Bobby forbade him to go near you. Your father didn't want Dean to ruin your chance of happy life. Dean understood that and backed down, putting up with the thought that he'd never have a chance with you and that he'll always be like a brother to you. So he let you go"

I am in shock, it's hard to believe that Bobby told Dean to stay away from me. It's even harder to accept Dean had feelings for me – something I somehow totally missed to see. How hard it must have been for him… I look to the bar, he's still there talking to the bartender, probably waiting for her shift to be over. I feel jealousy bubbling inside me and I can only imagine how Dean felt seeing me with Ryan… How hard it must have been to give up on me when he had feelings for me… Well, I think darkly, now I have an idea, thanks to my feelings for him.

"How have I missed that?" I shake my head in confusion and look to Sam

"You know Dean" he chuckles "He's good at hiding his emotions. Too good, actually. Accept when you caught Ryan cheating on you"

"Really?" the only thing I remember is I spent hours locked in my room, crying "How so?"

"He was ready to kill him. I barely managed to stop him" Sam shakes his head "He was so pissed, I couldn't recognize him, I couldn't reason him, until Bobby showed up to see what all the fuss was about and told him that if he cared about you, he'd drop this and leave you alone"

"I can't imagine Bobby did this to him…" I feel sorry and pity for Dean, he never deserved such treatment, never "How hard it must have been for him to give up…"

"He never did" Sam cuts me off

"What?"

"He never gave up on you, Braeden" Sam looks at me seriously "After Ryan he never spoke about his feelings for you again. Never. But I know my brother. Even after Cassie and Lisa… he never forgot you. He might not talk about this but…" Sam shrugs "He's my brother and I know him. I see how he looks at you and now that lately I see you look back at him in the same way…"

"He… he still has feelings for me?" I bashfully ask "After all this years? After seeing me going out with so many guys I can't even count them?!"

After Ryan I gave up on men. Men, not sex. I didn't want anything serious, not that my lifestyle allowed it. No strings attached, only one night stands. For years. The closest thing I had to relationship was with a guy from Nevada. I saved his ass from a werewolf and we hooked up. So when I was in the neighborhood, I stopped by to see him. Until one day he opened the door for me only to tell me he had a fiancé and that I had to go. I just shrugged it off and walked away. I couldn't expect him to wait for me, he was a nice guy and he deserved happy life. Then, a couple of years later, there was Benny who got to know me better than myself… And now Dean, the first man I am really in love with… It's hard to believe that he harvests any feelings for me, after so many one night stands, mine and his… but who knows, might as well Sam be right. I shake my head.

"You must talk to him" Sam pushes

"Yeah" I agree and cast a glance at Dean at the bar but then I see the bartender "But not right now. Plus" I shrug "I have to be completely sober for this conversation"

"And now you're not?" Sam raises his brows, his hazel eyes full of amusement

"This" I point to the bottle in front of me and giggle "Is my third beer, how do you think?"

"You can't be drunk only from three beers" Sam shakes his head

Actually, I can. When I'm tired and haven't slept in days because I do my best to avoid the nightmares, three beers is definitely an amount of booze that can get me drunk. But that's not information that I can share with Sam.

"Who's drunk?" Dean's voice startles me and I look at him

"No one" I reply too quickly but he doesn't pay that much attention, not like Sam who smirks

"Are you two ready to go?" Dean asks and puts some bills on the table for the check

"Yeah" I shrug, ignoring the triumph I feel for he's coming with us to the motel, no women, no nothing "Fine with me"

"Let's go" Sam casts me a meaningful glance and behind Dean's back I pull him a face, hoping he'll just let me be but I doubt I'd be that lucky.

* * *

 _So how's the chapter? Please, review and tell me what you think. Wishing you all nice and relaxing weekend! :)_


	21. Chapter 21

_Hey, guys! :) It's time for a new chapter and I hope you'll like it :)_  
 _deadone1013 thanks for the review :) always glad to hear what you think ;)_

* * *

I reel a bit as I exit the bar and I feel Sam's hand steadying me. I chuckle. The night is cool, the sky even darker, angry clouds covering the horizon.

"You weren't lying, were you?" he shakes his head "You are drunk"

"Nope" I look up to him and giggle, my head is light and I'm a bit dizzy "I'm tipsy, not drunk. Yet…"

"As if I'll let you drink more…" Sam guides me to the Impala and patiently waits for me to slide in, only then he also gets in

A distant thunder makes me look outside the window.

"Storm is coming!" I say with ominous tone and Dean chuckles from the front seat

"What's gotten into you?" he asks as he starts the car, the familiar rumble of the engine makes me smile

"Nothing" I shrug and stare out of the window as he speeds down the road to our motel "The storm's catching up" I sigh as the wind blows and the storm clouds follow us

Dean speeds up and Sam just shakes his head, a knowing smile on his lips while he's watching me and his brother. I feel a bit nervous, knowing he's up to something.

"I didn't expect you'll be coming to the motel with us" he casually says, not looking at Dean

"Yeah, well… " Dean shrugs "Someone had to give you two a ride"

"Right…" I arch my brows making sardonic face "Why aren't you with the nice bartender, anyways? I thought you wanted some fun…"

"Turned out I'm not in the mood" he answers blankly and stares at me from the mirror, eyes sparkling, a smile curving his lips "And why aren't you with some handsome guy who won't even remember your name in the morning?"

"Well, nothing caught my attention" I say and feel the intense stares of both the brothers; Dean's surprised one and Sam's all knowing, aware of the fact I just said a lie; because there was a man who had my complete attention… and it was Dean

"Really?..." Dean arches his brows "'cause there were at least five guys undressing you with their eyes…"

"Yeah, well" I cut him off, wondering how exactly he comes to notice that "we both are going home alone" I shake my head and see Sam's smirk, even though he's trying to hide it

"What a pity" Dean jokes and I meet his eyes in the rear view mirror; there's something more than his joke, some emotion I can't quite understand

"You've got your hand" I point out mockingly "And I've got my fingers…" I wave at him and he chuckles

"Ewwww…." Sam makes an annoyed sound of throwing up and looks at us engrossed "Could you please not discuss your masturbation intentions in front of me?"

"No!" Dean and I answer simultaneously and we both laugh as he pulls over in front of our motel

"You're impossible!" Sam murmurs in discontent as he climbs out of the car

"Get over it" I roll my eyes as I get out and shut the car door

We wish each other good night and Sam and Dean head to their room. I stay behind, looking up to the sky. I expect it to start raining every moment. The cool fresh air clears my head and I inhale deeply. I feel a cold drop of rain falling on my face. I smile. I love rain, it's nice and refreshing and… A thunder echoes around and I smile even wider. Within seconds the storm hits. A shower of rain erupts from the dark night sky, wetting my clothes immediately but I really don't mind. The storm is strong, wind blowing around, gusts brushing upon me, lightings tearing the sky and deafening thunders ringing. I close my eyes and spread my arms. The cold rain is hitting me in the face, streaming down my neck and body, every bit of me is soaked to the skin. It smells like rain and the amounts of water washing upon me and the storm raging around… It's refreshing and cooling, clearing my mind and head from the dizziness from the consumed alcohol and I feel more relaxed and alive than ever. It's so nice to feel the rain upon my skin, the cold lovely droplets make me shiver as they stream down my face and neck, then under my wet clothes down my spine. Everything's so exiting… I haven't done that in ages. I haven't enjoyed rain like that since I was a child. A happy grin stretches my face as the rain rages around, suddenly lightning cuts through the sky and for a moment everything is as bright as daylight. The thunder crashes just above me, making me tremble in excitement. It's strange but I don't feel endangered by the storm, I admire the nature's strength and its wrath and power. So much rain falls that the sound blurs into one grumbling and whirring noise cut from time to time from the roaring of the thunders. But then I hear something different, a rough voice I know too well, trying to outshout the storm

"Braeden!" Dean is standing under the shelter of the motel's vizor, looking at me in disbelieve

I grin widely as I approach him and in the next moment everything around is brightly lit up in the cold light of the lightning and I see he's holding something in his hands. I take the few steps and go to him

"Are you crazy!?" he almost shouts at me "To be out there in this storm!"

"C'mon" I smile at him, not caring about his harsh tone, I'm too energized from the storm and in good mood "You know I love rain, where did you expect to find me?"

"This is nuts!" Dean shakes his head and grabs my arm leading me to my room

As I open the door I realize I shiver and I'm freezing now that the rain isn't washing upon me. Dean sees it, too. I leave little poodles with every step I make so I stop and remove my boots and my socks, still water streams down my legs. Dean quickly heads to the bathroom, tossing whatever he was holding on the bed, and I hear him setting the shower running. Then he comes to me and with grim expression drags me towards the bathroom. Before I realize what he's doing he pushes me under the shower head.

"Dean!" I whine in protest "My clothes!"

"They were soaked anyway" he cuts me off "Now stay here and get warm. I'll get you some dry clothes" and with this he leaves me

I let the water run down my clothed body. Dean has set it just right, warm enough but not hot. I feel as my body relaxes under the tentacles of the water spray. I hear as the door opens and then closes. I look through my shoulder to see my sleeping t-shirt and black bikini. The thought of Dean going through my underwear, choosing for me… I shiver and it has nothing to do with the cold I feel that the warm water still can't wash away. I smile and close my eyes, letting the heat envelope me. But I just can't get warm. I'm still freezing and with an angry huff I stop the shower. There's no point of staying here anymore, it's obvious this isn't helping. I peel the soaked clothes off of me and dry myself, then put the t-shirt and pull up the bikini. I have to admit, even though he could have chosen something fancy and lacy, Dean has stopped his attention on something more comfortable and I appreciate that.

I step out of the bathroom, drying my hair with a towel and see Dean standing next to the bed with my hair dryer in hand, he points me to sit in front of him and I roll my eyes at him

"I can take care of myself, you know" I say as I obediently do as he wants me to because I know there's no chance for him to let this go

"I promised Bobby to take care of you" Dean states

"What?" I tilt my head back so I can see him, furrowing my brows at him

"His last words to me and Sam were "Idjits, you better take care of my girl"" Dean starts drying my hair

"Oh" I don't know what else to say, I never knew that and I'm not sure how it makes me feel. Dean always feels responsible for the people he cares about. And Bobby adding even more pressure to this responsibility of his… I don't think it's really fair. But I get it, after all, I'm his only child and no matter what, it's natural for him to want me safe…

Despite the heated air blowing from the hairdryer, cold shivers slide down my spine and I shake a little. I just relax in Dean's touch as he gently brushes my hair making sure to dry it completely. I close my eyes enjoying being so close to him, having his hands on me, even though it's just my hair. He's careful and gentle and the feeling is so nice, I love when someone plays with my hair and I sigh quietly. I feel how the exhaustion of the last couple of days and the lack of sleep take their toll on me, I feel really tired and cold. After a while Dean turns off the hairdryer and puts it away.

"You know" he mutters "lately I've been failing at this"

"What?" I turn to look at him, blinking in confusion "What are you talking about?"

"Me… looking after you" he shrugs, I see guilt in his wonderful eyes "I failed miserably. You got hurt. Crowley got you because…"

"Hey!" I cut him off and make him look at me "This is not on you, okay? It's on me. This was my choice, my decision."

"Stupid decision" he says and I realize that with him we talk about this for the first time "How could you do this?" he shakes his head

"Your life was at stake, Dean" I huff in irritation "What was I supposed to do? Crowley had you, calling all the shots. We had nothing. I was the one he needed and that was leverage, an insignificant one, but still leverage…"

"You could've told Sam!" Dean points out, his eyes shining dangerously "Not lying him and Charlie"

"I was trying to save you!" I exclaim, standing up to face him

"With Sam's help you could've come to a plan that didn't require sacrificing yourself!" Dean rages at me, his anger now obvious

"I couldn't risk losing you!" I shout at him, all my emotions for him seeping out through my words, I look at him in discontent

He stays quiet for a second, processing what I've just said, his face softens as he looks at me.

"And have you ever thought about how I was gonna feel if I lose you?" he asks and shakes his head

The truth is I haven't. I freeze, literally, not just because of how cold I feel. It never occurred to me what losing me can cause him or Sam.

"I wanted you safe, that was the most important thing for me" I look pleadingly at him "Please, don't be mad at me…"

Dean just sighs and rubs his neck. I shiver, getting goose bumps running up my skin

"I'm not mad at you" he simply says "And you're still freezing. Get in the bed"

I just shake my head, not really sure if he's ready to drop the subject but obey him, wishing to get warm. Then I see what he has thrown on the bed earlier – the Vampire Academy book that I couldn't find when I left for Benny. I really like the book but never had the chance to finish it

"Really?" I look back at Dean and smile widely "I thought I lost it"

"I found it in Rufus's cabin. Wanted to surprise you but never saw the right moment…"

Before he can finish I just quickly give him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, Dean" I beam happily at him and fling aside the blankets, my feet freezing on the cold floor

"Any time, Honey B" he says, tease in his tone

I look at him, he hasn't called me like that since we were kids. He used to call me Honey B only because he knew how much I hated it and because I had a plush bumble bee toy I used to sleep with.

"Remember what happened the last time you called me like that?" I ask and arch my brows to emphasize my threat as I put the book on my night stand

It was so many years ago but I still remember it vividly. There was amazing and wild rainstorm so of course I was outside, enjoying the rain. When I got home, dripping water and leaving steps everywhere Dean showed up, beaming at me with his smug smirk. Even as a child he had this charm… and the all knowing smile. He was ten which means I was about seven. The moment he saw me entering the living room where he, Sam and Bobby were, he made another smug comment about " _Honey B and her irrational love for storms"_ and that's when I lost it. I was so fed up with him, mocking at me so before anyone could react, even Bobby, I shortened the distance between me and Dean and punched him as hard as I could. I still can remember his offended face as he was pressing his nose trying to stop the blood, Bobby's shocked and pissed expression, followed by a lecture about good behavior, and Sam's giggles…

"Well" Dean chuckles, rubbing his nose "My nose for sure remembers…"

"Call me like that one more time" I warn him as I slip into bed "and I'll break your legs"

"Point taken" he says and starts undressing

I narrow my eyes at him in suspicion. But before I can ask him exactly what the hell he thinks he's doing, he – only in a simple T-shirt and his boxers – joins me in bed.

"Dean…" I start hesitantly, I feel a bit anxious; it's not the first time we'll share a bed but there's something different about it tonight and I can't figure out what

"You need to get warm" he states as he pulls me towards him, my back pressed against his chest

With a sigh I relax in his arms, letting the exhaustion beat me. Dean pulls my cold feet between his thighs and soon warmth starts creeping up my entire body. I snuggle closer to him, hugging his arms wrapped around me. I feel safe and relaxed. Maybe this time I can let myself fall asleep, maybe this time, with Dean here to protect me, the nightmares won't come to terrorize me.

* * *

 _Did you like the chapter? And what do you think about Braeden's childhood nickname? Drop me a review and tell me! :) Have a nice weekend and till next week :) (when we'll finally get the new SPN episode.. yay!)_


	22. Chapter 22

_Hey, guys! Sorry for the delay in the update but I was so tired yesterday that the moment I got home, I fell asleep :D However, I hope you had a not so bad week! :)_  
 _deadone1013, thanks for the review :) And I'm in love with VA and I was reading it by the time I was wtriting these chapters, so I decided why not include it! :D Glad you liked it  
Anyhow, here's the new chapter, it's a bit long, but I hope you'll like it :) Enjoy_

* * *

I wake up with a gasp, quiet desperate yelp escaping my lips. Fear rushes through me even though I can't remember what I was dreaming and I don't know why I'm so scared. My frantic breathing makes me realize how much I'm influenced by the nightmare, that and the fighting knife I usually keep under my pillow that now is in my hand, my knuckles almost white from clutching it. Then the bed shifts and someone murmurs something, I freeze but only for a millisecond and then I jump out and run to the middle of the room. Panicked, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do – should I run or stay… Then I realize I'm still holding the knife and before giving the irrational decision a second thought I draw the blade across my forearm, the sting is clearing my mind, making me calm down. Even though I can't see the blood streaming down my arm because of the darkness that has enveloped the room, I can feel it. And the way it hurts me tells me I cut myself deeper than I intended.

"Braeden…" a sleepy voice comes from behind me "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Startled, I hastily turn around, fear racing through my veins. I'm still affected by my nightmare and even though the pain in my arm makes it easier to distinguish what's real and what's not… seeing Dean's broad form in front of me, sends me all frantic again and I quickly take a step back. This makes him realize what's happening. He stands still in front of me and no matter how hard I try to see his face it's too dark – everything's just silhouettes and shapes. Dean raises his hands in conciliation, trying to calm me down

"Braeden, put the knife down" he says, reasoning and worry in his words "Come on, it's me. You're safe…"

But still disorientated and scared I shake my head and move backwards. I'm not sure whether I can trust him because if he's a hallucination and I give up things will get pretty ugly real fast…

"It's me" Dean reassures me, patience in his voice "Come on, Honey B, you know I'll never hurt you. It's me. I'm real, I promise you…"

 _Honey B_ … this is what brings me back from the edge of insanity… this simple nickname I hate so much but he uses with so much care and love… I relax and exhale in relief. Dean sees the change in my posture

"Give me the knife, Braeden" he gently insists and I hand it to him

He puts it aside and turns on the lights.

"Damn it! What have you done?" he exclaims when he sees the cut on my arm

"I'm sorry" I say as I sit on the bed pressing the cut to stop the bleeding

Dean sighs and kneels in front of me with the aid kit and pulls my arm to bandage it. I can see the worry all over him and I feel guilt rising inside me. He already has enough troubles, I shouldn't add more.

"I'm really sorry…" I repeat looking at now my bandaged arm

"It's fine" he squeezes gently my hand but I can hear the concern in his voice "It'll be fine…"

"I really didn't mean to… it just happened…" I try to explain "Sam's right… pain does help"

"What?" Dean's head snaps up to look at me

"That's why I did this" I point to my arm "This time it wasn't that bad, you know…"

"Wasn't that bad?!" Dean exclaims in disbelief "You hurt yourself!? How's that better?"

"I was more aware of where I was…" I shake my head "You caught me off guard and I just panicked all over again…"

"Look at me" Dean cups my face making me meet his amazing green eyes "hurting yourself isn't a solution. Neither is trying to stay awake for an eternity"

"Oh… you noticed…" I mumble

"I must be an idiot not to notice how tired you lately are… that and the dozen coffee paper cups in the bin" he shakes his head "Don't try to avoid the problem. You need to find something that really helps you."

It is funny to get that kind of lecture from him, the guy who usually hides from all his troubles and tries to forget them, drinking all of his feelings away…

"You help" I say honestly and I see his surprised look

"Good" he nods and pulls me to the bed, flipping the covers over us, and then he puts a kiss on my forehead "Go to sleep"

The words "I'll watch over you" are left unspoken, still I know what he means. But I feel safe with him and with a smile soon I drift off.

* * *

A ray of sunshine slides through the curtains shining directly into my face. I frown and roll on my back, stretching like a lazy cat. But I freeze as pain shoots through my left side of my body. I groan and look around. Disappointment fills me as I realize I'm alone in bed and Dean's not around. On the other hand, it's better, I prefer to check what's the damage on my body on my own. There's no need for Dean, or Sam in that line of thought, to know about it. I suppose this pain is because of my collusion to the tombstone last night. Thanks, ghosty! Thanks to the alcohol from last night I didn't notice how much this hurts until now. I push myself out of the bed and go to the bathroom for a quick shower. Every movement causes me… well, it actually is more of a discomfort than a real pain. I take off my shirt and gasp in surprise when my eyes land on my left side. The bruise is huge, dark with all the ugly colors that an impact with this strength can cause – blue and purple tints all over my pale skin on the left side of my chest and down to my stomach. Damn it! This will take days to heal completely.

As I enter the room about ten minutes later I notice a box on the table. As I put on short jeans and a T-shirt I wonder what it is. I quickly slip on my flip-flops and go to the table. There's a note scrabbled in Dean's awful handwriting saying " _Breakfast for champions_ ". I open the lid and laugh – he bought me donuts. I shake my head, take one donut and head out to find the boys.

The weather is warm and the sun beams directly at me, the cloudless blue sky is bright and there's a mild whiff in the air. I immediately locate Dean, squatted next to his beloved car. I lean on the railing and take a bite of the donut. He is washing the Impala – there are buckets with water, sponges and car wash soap around him. Music's coming from the radio and he shakes his head to the beat. A simple t-shirt on and with his regular old jeans, he's engulfed by his car. I smile as I watch him studiously cleaning the right front fender. He looks relaxed and I know he's enjoying this. His hair bristles in every possible direction and the sun rays caught in it make it glow in golden tints. I shake my head and as I chew on my donut I ask

"Why are you washing her? It rained last night…"

Dean's startled look tells me I caught him off guard and I grin widely at his astonished face.

"Yeah, but the rain didn't wash away all the dirt" he says returning his attention to the fender

I eat what's left of my donut and approach him.

"Do you want help?" I ask and take a clean sponge from one of the buckets with fresh water.

"Are you serious?" he looks genuinely surprised

"Sure, why not?" I shrug and in that moment my clumsiness decides to show its head and somehow I just drop the sponge back into the bucket

The water splashes, spraying Dean and wetting a bit his jeans. He looks up at me, his brows raised

"Sorry" I shrug apologetically but then I notice the mischievous grin spread across his face; and then I see the hose next to him and his hand reaching for it "Dean, no" I warn him and take a step back as he rises to his feet "Don't you even…" he has already pointed the sprayer pistol to me "Don't you dare!"

But it's too late. I squeak as the cold water splashes me and trying to protect my face I run around the car and look grumpily at Dean who's laughing at me.

"It's not funny, you idiot…" I dodge as spray of water sprinkles over my head

I hide behind the car making sure the Impala is always between me and Dean as he stalks me, trying to spray me. I squeak and curse and duck trying to avoid all the water. Dean's laughing at me, challenging me to face him.

"Come on" he smirks at me "Scared of little water?"

"Fuck you!" I yell at him and doge when he sprays me "It's not fair! I'm weaponless!"

Of course, I am already soaked to the skin and I find myself enjoying this little game. Especially when I circle the car, ducking and yelling at Dean, and I see the buckets of water. This will even the odds. I smile and take one of them. At the beginning Dean used the hose to keep me away and get me all wet, but now that my clothes are dripping this can't stop me. I bravely rise on my feet and single-mindedly approach Dean who realizes what I'm about to do and rushes around the car.

"You think you can escape me?" I grin at him widely "Not a chance, Winchester. You're gonna pay!"

In that moment, taking a step backwards Dean trips over the hose and that's my chance. As he stagers I quickly shorten the distance between us and pour the bucket over his head. He yelps in surprise and I giggle. My laughter quickly fades as I see his face. I hastily turn around ready to run but he's faster, his hands on my waist as he pulls me towards him.

"Dean!" I whine "Let go!"

"No!" he grins widely and as I'm trapped between him and the Impala he starts tickling me

I laugh and struggle him but to no use since he's way stronger than me and I'm too busy to laugh and try to catch my breath as I squeal and scream in his hands.

"Dean! Stop it!" I beg as he continues to tickle me and the laughter makes it hard for me to be coherent "I can't breathe!" at this he draws back a little so I can inhale freely and in the next second he's on me again "Stop!" I laugh and try to catch his hands "You asshole!" and then his palm slides on the left side of me and the pain explodes, its tentacles stinging me "Oh, stop! Please, stop! It hurts!"

Dean immediately draws his hands back, worry all over his face. I scowl and cover my left with my hand

"What's wrong?" Dean's concern's obvious

"Yeah…" I huff catching mu breath and shaking off the pain "That hunt last night… remember how the ghost threw me against a tombstone and I said I'm fine…" Dean nods expectantly and I see how he knows what I'm about to say "Well, I exaggerated a little…"

"Really? A little?" Dean huffs in annoyance and concern "Let me see."

"Ah…" I really need to talk myself out of this, he really must not see this "No need, I'm…"

"Fine?" Dean crosses his arms

I open my mouth to sass at him and then I see his face and sigh in defeat, raising my T-shirt's hem for him to see the bruise.

"Son of a bitch!" he exclaims "Why didn't you tell me earlier? This is huge!"

"I'll be fine" I brush his concern off "Don't worry about me"

"Yeah, well" Dean corners me between himself and the car again "I do worry about you"

We're really so, so close, only inches separate us. His emerald green eyes are staring at me, looking right into my soul, sending shivers down my spine. His wet T-shirt only underlines his broad shoulders, the fabric flattened against his chest… and oh, man his chest… I can only assume how I look with the wet T-shirt clinging tight around my body and the water dripping down my messy hair. Dean's hands slide gently down to my waist and all I can really think about is how handsome he is, how close he is to me and how much I want to kiss him right now. The fluttering feeling I get around him every time I let my emotions for him rule me appears again. My heart is bumping and blood rushes through my veins, his glare burning me. I want to kiss him so bad… and that's when I hear the song on the radio

 _So honey now_

 _Take me into your loving arms_

 _Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_

Ed Sheeran's "Thinking out loud"… Dean's intense green eyes are piercing me

 _Place your head on my beating heart_

 _I'm thinking out loud_

 _Maybe we found love right where we are_

And that's when something in me clicks…

"Fuck it" I murmur and crash my lips against Dean's.

For a second he's too stunned to react but then he kisses me back softly. I'm melting in his hands and the only reason I'm still on my legs is because of his arms wrapped around me. I get lost in the sensations, all I can think is about the nonexistent distance between us and our bodies pressed together, about how gentle he is and that skillful tongue of his evaporating every single thought out of my mind… After a while, leaving me almost breathless, Dean pulls back, a gentle happy smile playing on his lips.

"Not that I complain but…" he hesitates for a second and I see the insecurity in his eyes "what was that about?"

"Me telling you how I feel about you" I smile at him and wrap my hands around his neck

"Good to know" he chuckles, his hands still around my waist

"Why did you kiss me back?" I ask, trying to hide my happy grin

"Me telling you how I feel about you" he repeats my words, his face all smug

"Oh, really?" I arch my brows "Good to know" I say and rise on my tiptoes to kiss him again

A cough, someone's clearing his throat, makes us separate from one another and we see Sam staying beside us, his hazel eyes shining in amusement.

"Glad you two finally figure it out" he says trying, unsuccessfully, to hide his smirk

"Shut up" Dean warns him as I roll my eyes

"Well, sorry to ruin your happy bubble" Sam says and points to his phone "But Garth called. Says a young hunter's in trouble and could use our help. It's just couple of towns over."

"Okay" I shrug and reluctantly pull away from Dean "Let's roll then"

* * *

I look around and check if we're in front of the right motel room. The boys are beside me and I confidently knock. After a couple of seconds the door creeks a little and reveals a teenage boy, probably not older than fifteen. His posture is insecure and he looks like a trapped animal. The way he stays tells me he's holding us at gunpoint through the door. He's got dark ruffled hair and brown eyes looking at us in suspicion, caution and well contained fear covering his stern face. And then I look closer. I know this kid, though I haven't seen him in years… Oh, my God, he looks so much as his mother… I'm speechless as the recognition hits me. Surprised than ever, I try to speak, but Dean's shocked croaked voice, full of pain and guilt, is the one I hear

"Ben?!"

* * *

 _So... what about the chapter - the song (which I love) and the moment between Dean and Braeden? And what about Ben? I'd love to know what you think about this development! Drop me a review and tell me ;) And have a great weekend_


	23. Chapter 23

_Hi, guys! It's 3:01 am here and I'm soooo tired... I have so much projects on my head, I'm literally drowning myself in designs of posters, magazines and logos, and... it's nightmare.. Though, I hope your week wasn't as busy as mine... lol, I'm babling nonsense,,, sorry_  
 _Anyhow, thanks, deadone1013, for your review :)) it melts my heart with joy when I see anoter review from you_  
 _So, here's the latest chapter and I really hope you'll like it :) Enjoy_

* * *

I hear the familiar click as the kid thumbs off the safety of the gun he's pointing at us through the door.

"Who the hell are you?" Ben looks alert and determined but I can see the fear in his brown eyes

Sam, Dean and I are still too dumbstruck to respond properly to the question. The last time I saw the kid was years ago when Crowley kidnapped him and his Mom, Lisa, in order to manipulate Dean to do whatever the demon wanted. We saved them but Lisa was badly hurt, she was a goner… That's until Cas showed up and healed her. And then Dean did something unbelievable. In order to ensure Lisa and Ben's safety he made Cas to erase their memories of the past year – a year he spent with them – the happiest year of his life. He gave up on them in order to provide their safety. They were literary the best thing in his life. I couldn't imagine how much inner strength he had to summon to decide to give up on them. In my opinion this was the best year of his life – he was happy and God knows he deserves that. After Lisa and Ben didn't remember him any longer… he was heartbroken. Dean never talked about it but I knew it, I knew him too well. He believed Lisa and Ben are safe and able to go on with their lives without him messing all around.

But finding Ben here, in the middle of a hunt… it means something has really gone terribly wrong. Dean is so dumbstruck, pain all over his face, shock in his widened eyes. Sam is sunk in complete stupor, not sure how to react. The only information Garth has given Sam about the young hunter is that Garth came across him about an year ago, investigating some mysterious disappearing. The kid was on the same lead as the hunter explaining that… he's after his mother's killer… Our silence only irritates Ben more.

"Answer the damn question!" he demands "How do you know me?"

"Relax" I raise my hands trying to calm him down "Garth sends us. We're here to help"

"I told him I don't need help" the kid grumbles as he steps aside to let us in

I elbow Dean getting his attention. He's still completely shocked. I nod for him to get inside, giving him a silence glance to get together. Sam follows us and closes the door. It's so awkward. We know Ben but he doesn't know us, he doesn't remember us. As the kid puts down his sawed shotgun, we exchange worried looks. How are we supposed to proceed from here? Should we tell him we… But Dean just jumps on the question.

"Are you alone?" and as Ben shrugs Dean presses further "What about…" he stops himself from saying Lisa's name in the last second "what about your parents?"

"My mom's dead." The kid says flippantly, voice cold and emotionless "I don't know who's my father … but what do you care?"

Ben's bitter, the cruelty of his life has made him built walls of sass and scurrility. I can see it in his eyes. Eyes that looks too old on his young face that bares a weary and wry look. He's seen too much, he's been through too much… at this fragile age… this is too much for a child. I shake my head and out of the corner of my eye I see Dean's stoic face – the mask he always wears when he wants to hide his emotions. But I know him too well. He's wrecked, heartbroken, guilty… realizing that his sacrifice's been all for nothing… his jaw is clenched as he eyes Ben. I quietly approach him and brush my hand against his in a reassuring supportive gesture. He needs to know I'm there for him. He squeezes my fingers and I turn to Ben.

"It was just a question" Sam tries to get to him with his sympathetic look and puppy eyes, making sure everyone's calm and reasonable "I'm Sam, this is my brother Dean" and he points to me "And this is Braeden"

"We're here to help" I say and raise my brows to emphasize my words "we promised Garth. And we're not going anywhere. So you might as well tell us what's going on and why Garth sent us"

Ben glares at me in defiance and I can see the typical teenage irritation in his behavior. He believes he can manage all alone and there are too many people who question his capability. He huffs in exasperation and rubs his neck.

"It's kinda long story" he states

"We've got all the time in the world" I pointedly say as I push Dean on one of the beds and sit next to him, quietly hissing as my left side burns in pain because of the movement; I really need to get some painkillers.

Sam follows my lead and occupies one of the chairs. I look around the room. There're papers everywhere, scattered around or pinned to the walls; articles and documents over every vacant plane and an opened laptop with handwritten notes. The kid's been working hard on this. And how could he not? It's his mother we're talking about. Hell, if this was about the demon that got my mother killed, it's sure I'd be thorough as Ben. Guns and blades, different lore books, maps hanging on the walls... this is a typical hunter's layer I realize and look closely at the kid. He's grown since the last time I saw him, he's tall, thin but fit and his broad shoulders hint at what handsome man he'll become one day.

Ben sighs deeply and sits on the other vacant chair and stares a couple of seconds in the air. His face's grim and I can see his pain through the stoic mask he's trying to hide behind. When he starts his story his voice is calm and emotionless, monotone. His aunt, Caren, was having financial problems after her divorce and was doing a lot of clinical studies for the money. And then all of a sudden she disappears. Lisa filed a report to the police but they came up with nothing, assuming Caren just took off, hiding and laying low because of her financial problems. Lisa, however, never believed that, she and Caren were very close and she knew her very well. So Lisa started her own little investigation. She started asking questions, visiting the clinics and the doctors her sister had gone to and gathered some information on her sister's last whereabouts which put Caren near one private office hold by someone of the name Joe Turner. Obviously, Lisa had asked the right questions because only a week after her sister's disappearance she was dead. The worst part is that the one who found her was Ben himself.

"It was…" the boy closes his eyes for a second fighting with all of his emotions, trying to be strong

I feel as next to me Dean tenses so I find his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. I cast a side long look only to see his jaw clenched and murder in his eyes. But there's more to it, I can see beyond this, I can see the guilt and the pain he feels. He intertwines his fingers with mine and my thumb gently caresses his skin, in hope to soothe him at least a little. We can't afford an outburst, not right now. Not before I had the chance to talk personally and alone and most importantly separately with all of them.

"I was coming home from school" Ben continues, unaware of the drama happening around him, inside me and the boys "She was supposed to be home, she promised… I couldn't find her so I went to the kitchen… there was so much blood" his voice goes hoarse and broken, his eyes determinedly staring at the ceiling "I… dialed 911 but I knew it's too late… they said she was dead for hours…"

"The police?" I gently ask "What else did they say?"

"Nothing" Ben shrugs "They found the gun in her left hand" his voice now is all business "Gunpowder on her palm, no signs of break in, the neighbors didn't see or hear anything…"

"So they called it a suicide, didn't they?" Sam intervenes

"Yeah, the bastards did. They never even tried to listen to me" a flash of anger lights Ben's eyes

"What do you mean?" I inquire, there's obviously something more…

"Lisa is right handed" Dean answers instead of Ben

"Was." Ben flatly corrects him "She was. And how do you know that?"

"Uh…" this catches Dean off guard "Um, lucky guess"

"Plus" I intervene "Women usually choose less messy methods to end their lives, like drug overdose or poisoning, for example." Ben looks a bit surprised by my statement so I push further hoping to distract him from Dean's remark "What happened next? How did you end on the road?"

The police called the socials and when the social worker took Ben home so he could pick up some of his possessions, the kid collected all of his stuff that could fit in a backpack and took all of the research Lisa had done and sneaked out of the back door, riding his bike as fast as he could. I have to admit, the boy's clever, really intelligent. He managed to stay off the radar for really long time, trying to figure out who killed his mother and why. Meanwhile he stole and lied and did only God knows exactly what so he could survive on the road.

I shake my head. This is no life for a kid. He's been following different leads, some of them getting him to a dead end, and some just showing him the killer of his mother is always a step ahead, if not even more. The only thing the kid knows for sure is that the killer always disposes of his victim's stuff by the nearest garbage can to the crime scene. He's got articles for missing people from all over the country.

"So did you check it up?" I ask and seeing Ben's confusion, I add "The case you're here for. Did you check it?"

"I didn't have a chance." Ben shrugged and looked at his watch "But I might be lucky enough to catch the Sherriff before he goes home."

"No" I shake my head and Ben opens his mouth "The Sherriff will be in hurry to get home, he'll be irritable and will rush through any questions we have…"

"We?" the kid looks at me grumpily

"Look, Ben" Sam tries to reason him "We're hunters. And we're good at what we do. We're here, why don't you let us help?"

"Fine" Ben grumbles "So if we're not visiting the Sherriff, what will we do?"

"How about we go through whatever your Mom found?" I suggest looking to Sam and Dean for support

"It'll be easier to ask the right questions later" Sam agrees

Ben huffs in irritation but gives us a file. There's information about some pharmaceutical companies that are doing clinical studies. I see a hand written note from Caren with the address and the name of this doctor Joe Turner she had an appointment with. Then Lisa wrote a short description of the man – tall, handsome, blonde, blue eyes, wearing glasses and having a beard. There was a lot of research for all the other clinics her sister went to but nothing than his description for Joe Turner. After asking around Lisa found out that this guy was walking around and giving flyers about his clinical studies gathering volunteers. But she could not find any of those volunteers…

"Damn" I mutter under my nose and look around to realize that Ben's hidden in the bathroom, just to stay away from us for a while, I get my attention back to the volunteers "And if that's not suspicious…"

"I know" Sam huffs in dismay staring in his laptop's screen "And there's squad on this dr. Joe Turner…"

"What about the kid's current case?" I ask and look at Dean, but he's somewhere deep in his thoughts, sadness written all over his face "Dean?" he doesn't hear me so I reach out and gently squeeze his hand "Dean?"

"Uh, what?" he blinks in confusion

"What about the current case?" Sam repeats my question

"Nothing…" he sighs deeply "The girl's a college student, her mother filed a missing person report but the police don't buy it…"

"You okay?" I ask in concern, he looks distant and troubled and I hate it

"Yeah" Dean rubs his neck "I'm fine"

"Ben deserves the truth" Sam quietly states

"I know. But it doesn't make it any easier…"

"Sooner or later, you'll have to tell him" I gently say "And it'd better be sooner. He has to know. You have to tell him…"

"Tell me what?" Ben's standing on the bathroom's door, grim and stubborn expression on his face so typical for the discontent teens

"Oh, balls!" I hiss

The Third World War is about to begin…

* * *

 _So what do you think about this story development? Drop me a review and tell me! :) Happy weekend and sweet dreams from Bulgaria! :)_


	24. Chapter 24

_Hey, guys! :) Sorry for the late update. I'm really busy right now and I literally have zero time for writing :( However, I'll do my best to keep updating once a week, though I'm not sure will it be Fiday or some time during the weekend._

 _Thanks, deadone1013 for the review ;):)_

 _So, here's the new chapter and I hope you'll like it :)_

* * *

Well, World War III didn't begin, but still… it got pretty ugly real quick. Ben didn't take well the fact Dean left him and his Mom. And somehow I knew he didn't like the explanation that it'd been for their safety. I'm pretty sure he blames me and hates me for that, still I don't know why. He wanted his memories back. So in order not to call Cas or Meg, Sam and I searched the web and finally found some nasty looking potion for bringing back memories.

"Do you think it worked?" I ask as I stare at the motel door "Did it go well?"

Sam and I left Dean and Ben in the motel to wait for the potion's effect and both of us went to the PD to check up what they got on the college student, Susan Barnes, that was missing for a couple of days now. But it was a dead end - even if they believed the girl's mother that something happened to her, they had no clues.

Now we're in front of the motel and I'm wondering if it's safe to walk in. only god knows what a moody and angry teenager could do… Sam looks at me from the Impala's driver seat.

"There's only one way to find out" he says opening the door

"One way?" then I bashfully suggest "Like call Dean?"

"Nice try" Sam says "Get out of the car"

Grumbling under my nose I open the door and hop out. In the very same moment the door to Ben's room flies open and the boy with angry face marches out. He casts me a dirty look full of disdain and rushes as far away from me as possible.

"Yeah… I bet it didn't go well at all…" I pout in displease and look at Sam pleadingly

"Fine" he sighs "I'll check up on the kid…" he shakes his head and heads after Ben "Though, I don't know why you're so scared of him. He's just a kid, after all…"

"Yeah… a rabid teenager. Not scary at all…"

* * *

"He hates me" I mutter as Dean and I climb the stairs to Susan Barnes's dorm.

"He doesn't" Dean sighs

"Have you seen the way he looks at me?" I ask and he has no answer for that

Dean's quite shaken. I can see it, even though he's hiding it well. Ben's pissed and he has every right to be. Man, I'd be furious if that happened to me. Still, I understand Dean and his reasons. And I know how much pain he went through because of this and that now the guilt was eating him.

"Hey" I quickly catch up with him and stop one step higher than him "Come here" and I just hug him

I can feel how he relaxes, his face hidden in the crook of my neck. Dean wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me towards him. I gently rub his back and in a while we continue our climb.

Turns out Susan Barnes had a roomie. She's a bright girl with huge Hermione type of hair. The moment we mention Susan, she starts crying.

"I'm sorry" she sniffles "I can't believe she'd just leave like that. She'd never do it… Sue's one of the most serious students…" the girl shakes her head "I'm so worried. I know something happened to her…" and she continues crying

"Uhm…" I try to be as considerate as possible "Do you mind if we look around?"

She nods and Dean and I approach the neat bed. I check through her books for something that could catch my eye, and then I turn on her laptop while Dean's roaming through her desk, checking drawers and cabinets.

"Damn" I mutter trying to hack her password, after the fifth time I manage "The girl's been busy…" I shake my head

"What?" Dean looks at me, mischievous glint in his eyes

"She's been busy trying to hand in all her papers and graduate earlier" I pointedly say, while checking her twitter and mail "Nothing here"

"Uhg… how can you even read this crap?" Dean tosses over his shoulder a book that lands with a thud on the bed next to me

It's an erotic romance book with a half-naked quite muscular guy on the cover and mysteriously looking beautiful woman in the background. The title reads "Night Pleasures". I notice something is sticking out from within the pages and I pull it out. I furrow my brows as I realize it's a flyer. A flyer about clinical studies and gathering volunteers and promised paid for the participants.

"Dean" he turns around and I hand it to him "Look"

"Uhm..." he mutters while reading the flyer "Guess we should go and check the good doc's office..."

* * *

The building is old but well maintained. There are security cameras all around so maybe we'll have enough luck to find out what really happened to Susan. After all, everything in her dorm shows she's a serious student and it's completely unusual for her to leave without even a call.

The janitor leads us to the office that our doctor has rented for the last week but warns us it's in renovation right now. Still, we check it thoroughly. As expected, we find squad. But the security footage gives us pretty good look of our doc. The man fits Lisa's description of Joe Turner, though he has no beard , nor glasses on the video and he goes around by the name Joseph bad news are we can only see Susan Barnes going in, but never leaving, probably because there's a back entrance with no cameras.

"Hey, stop" I tell Dean "Go back...here! Look"

"Is that a tattoo on his ?" Dean leans closer to the monitor

"I think so..." I grab a piece of paper and pen and quickly sketch it - a two-headed eagle with a shield and som strange cross in the middle "Looks like some kind of crest or something..."

"Right... We'll check it later. Let's get out of here before the janitor gets suspicious"

we quickly exit and as we're about to get in the car I notice a homeless man rummaging through a near garbage container.

"Dean, you've got a photo of Susan Barnes?"

"Yeah..." he looks through his phone and impatiently I grab it from him and approach the man

"Excuse me, sir..." I say

"Sir?" the man looks at me with surprise "I haven't been called like that in a long time..." he shakes his head "What can I do for you, young lady?"

"I was wondering if you have seen this girl" I show him the picture

"Her? No..." he scratches his dirty beard "But I found her purse a couple of days ago"

"Her purse? How do you know it's hers?"

"Well, her id was in it with some cash..." I can see he feels embarrassed

"You helped me a lot. Thank you" I reach in my pocket and pull out some money "Here"

"No, Ms., I can't..."

"Yes, you can" I push the money in his hands "You need them more than me"

Before the man can protest any further, I walk away and slide in the car.

* * *

"Are you sure?" I ask, looking at the phone

"Yes, I am sure" Kevin's voice comes through the speakers and I can hear his annoyance

On our way back to the motel I called Kevin and asked him to see what he can find on the ink. We're now back and the four of us are carefully listening to the kid's explanations about what he's found on the tattoo in the Men of Letters' files. Ben's all tensed up and he's literally sucking in every word. And he still looks at me with despise and hate.

"So this family..." Sam starts "The Men of Letters dated them up to the early 1800s?"

"Yeah, speak of deep roots" Kevin says "They used spells to create diseases, to destabilize markets... They even helped the Nazis before they came into power, and they profited from all of it."

"Talking multi-generational, centuries old wrong and evil" Dean huffs in annoyance

"What else you've got?" Ben impatiently asks

"All the spells they used came from a book of " _unspeakable evil_ " which they lost nearly a hundred years ago..."

"A book?" I repeat "Like a ..."

"I don't know..." Kevin hesitates and I hear rustling of paper "Here's written that the way the book works, is when you use it, there is a negative reaction. Like biblical negative."

"Dark magic always comes with a price." Dean murmers darkly

"Well, we can only hope this book stays lost" Sam states

"Hey, Kev" I say "Can you tell me the name again?"

"The creepy evil family's name?" Kevin chuckles "Sure. It's Styne"

* * *

 _How was the chapter? Drop me a review and tell me what you think about this development. :) Have a nice weekend (or what's left of it) and till next time. :)_


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